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"Ted 2" quotes

Ted 2 poster
Newlywed couple Ted and Tami-Lynn want to have a baby, but in order to qualify to be a parent, Ted will have to prove he's a person in a court of law.

Director: Seth MacFarlane
Writer: Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy
Year: 2015
MetaScore: 48/100
ImdbRating: 6.3
BoxOffice: $81,476,385
Released: 26 Jun 2015
Awards: 3 wins & 4 nominations

157 video clips

FrankTedJohnSamantha JacksonFemale NurseComicSamanthaCustomerComic-con FanFilm ExecutiveJudgeHimselfGuyRickShep WildJoyDonnyVendorTami-lynnTom JessupJimmy KimmelKarl JacksonJimmy FallonBill MaherPatrick MeighanSam J. JonesObi-wanStormtrooper
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I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to let you go - Ted 2 01:05 I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to let you go We don't wanna take any chances - Ted 2 01:36 We don't wanna take any chances Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an accident - Ted 2 00:14 Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an accident So first we need a historical event Who's got an event - Ted 2 00:35 So first we need a historical event Who's got an event Wait wait wait What's your middle name - Ted 2 00:15 Wait wait wait What's your middle name I'd uh like to ask a few questions about this breakfast cereal - Ted 2 00:36 I'd uh like to ask a few questions about this breakfast... TED Oh my God - Ted 2 00:17 TED Oh my God SHOUTS What the fuck - Ted 2 00:34 SHOUTS What the fuck All right I got Dred Scott v Sandford Plessy v Ferguson - Ted 2 00:18 All right I got Dred Scott v Sandford Plessy v Ferguson Hi Have any of you guys seen a talking teddy bear run through here - Ted 2 00:07 Hi Have any of you guys seen a talking teddy bear run... Okay I'm gonna ask you a few test questions Are you ready - Ted 2 00:18 Okay I'm gonna ask you a few test questions Are you... Johnny it may be time to play the Betelgeuse card - Ted 2 00:20 Johnny it may be time to play the Betelgeuse card Ms Jackson please control your client - Ted 2 00:13 Ms Jackson please control your client I'm blinking it in - Ted 2 00:12 I'm blinking it in And you're not a cheater I mean I think your balls are perfect - Ted 2 00:05 And you're not a cheater I mean I think your balls are... That barn just came out of nowhere - Ted 2 00:04 That barn just came out of nowhere I thought that was you What's happening man - Ted 2 00:36 I thought that was you What's happening man You get a nose job No - Ted 2 00:34 You get a nose job No Oh what the fuck What are you doing - Ted 2 00:15 Oh what the fuck What are you doing GAVEL BANGS Order - Ted 2 00:31 GAVEL BANGS Order Do you love your wife - Ted 2 00:18 Do you love your wife That weed is really good - Ted 2 00:15 That weed is really good Thirsty Urkel - Ted 2 00:06 Thirsty Urkel PANTING - Ted 2 00:19 PANTING Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great Gatsby - Ted 2 00:37 Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great... Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on this trip - Ted 2 00:26 Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on... Uh huh Look at that - Ted 2 00:18 Uh huh Look at that I really love that Neil Diamond - Ted 2 00:36 I really love that Neil Diamond You're telling me you don't want this - Ted 2 00:20 You're telling me you don't want this Come on there's an empty supply room downstairs - Ted 2 00:36 Come on there's an empty supply room downstairs No further questions - Ted 2 00:34 No further questions Which one - Ted 2 00:36 Which one That Sister Sister marathon ain't gonna watch itself - Ted 2 00:05 That Sister Sister marathon ain't gonna watch itself Where did they get him - Ted 2 00:11 Where did they get him You piece of shit - Ted 2 00:17 You piece of shit I think I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice - Ted 2 00:05 I think I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice Hey Bennett - Ted 2 00:17 Hey Bennett What the hell - Ted 2 00:26 What the hell So listen I got to ask - Ted 2 00:07 So listen I got to ask Besides we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off - Ted 2 00:08 Besides we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried... CAMERA CLICKING TED Hashtag Shit happens - Ted 2 00:05 CAMERA CLICKING TED Hashtag Shit happens TED So do you say Arizona State University or do you just say HPVU - Ted 2 00:16 TED So do you say Arizona State University or do you just... No he's not my property He's a person - Ted 2 00:18 No he's not my property He's a person Okay I'll see you then Bye - Ted 2 00:12 Okay I'll see you then Bye I'm sorry - Ted 2 00:26 I'm sorry Hey check it out Nerd fight - Ted 2 00:04 Hey check it out Nerd fight You're still the best thing that's happened to me in a long time - Ted 2 00:21 You're still the best thing that's happened to me... Right You see the thing is we don't want to take any chances - Ted 2 00:30 Right You see the thing is we don't want to take any... You do - Ted 2 00:22 You do MEN Whoa Whoa Whoa - Ted 2 00:39 MEN Whoa Whoa Whoa Okay so what are we even talking about here - Ted 2 00:06 Okay so what are we even talking about here A ha they got him - Ted 2 00:15 A ha they got him All right I got Dred Scott Vs Sandford Plessy Vs Ferguson - Ted 2 00:18 All right I got Dred Scott Vs Sandford Plessy Vs Ferguson All right, I got Dred Scott Vs Sandford, Plessy Vs Ferguson - Ted 2 00:18 All right, I got Dred Scott Vs Sandford, Plessy Vs Ferguson All right, there, you happy? - Ted 2 00:07 All right, there, you happy? All right, We'll be back tomorrow afternoon. - Ted 2 00:13 All right, We'll be back tomorrow afternoon. And you're not a cheater I mean I think your balls are perfect - Ted 2 00:05 And you're not a cheater I mean I think your balls are... Are you sure you can get him? - Ted 2 00:25 Are you sure you can get him? Are those Tootsie Rolls just, like to take? - Ted 2 00:08 Are those Tootsie Rolls just, like to take? Besides we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off - Ted 2 00:07 Besides we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried... Come on there's an empty supply room downstairs - Ted 2 00:38 Come on there's an empty supply room downstairs Dear God! Dear God in heaven! - Ted 2 00:18 Dear God! Dear God in heaven! Hey Bennefi - Ted 2 00:17 Hey Bennefi Hey check it out Nerd fight - Ted 2 00:04 Hey check it out Nerd fight Hey, Johnny. - Ted 2 00:29 Hey, Johnny. Hey, listen, Sam, I'm real sorry. - Ted 2 00:27 Hey, listen, Sam, I'm real sorry. Hi, How is he? Is he gonna come out of it? - Ted 2 00:10 Hi, How is he? Is he gonna come out of it? Holy shit! Hey, Ted! - Ted 2 00:19 Holy shit! Hey, Ted! Holy shit! Johnny! - Ted 2 00:30 Holy shit! Johnny! I have 40 here - Ted 2 00:30 I have 40 here I think I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice - Ted 2 00:05 I think I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice I'd uh like to ask a few questions about this breakfast cereal - Ted 2 01:09 I'd uh like to ask a few questions about this breakfast... I'm blinking it in - Ted 2 00:12 I'm blinking it in I'm sorry, your Honor. I'm on my period. - Ted 2 00:11 I'm sorry, your Honor. I'm on my period. I'm sorry. - Ted 2 00:18 I'm sorry. It's just this is a really important case - Ted 2 00:33 It's just this is a really important case John, - Ted 2 00:06 John, Johnny it may be time to play the Betelgeuse card - Ted 2 00:20 Johnny it may be time to play the Betelgeuse card Johnny, please, just help me do this, Okay? - Ted 2 00:25 Johnny, please, just help me do this, Okay? Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an accident - Ted 2 00:14 Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an accident Man, we got a lot of pot in this car. I wish we could smoke it. - Ted 2 00:10 Man, we got a lot of pot in this car. I wish we could smoke ... Mr. Jessup, - Ted 2 00:22 Mr. Jessup, Ms Jackson please control your client - Ted 2 00:14 Ms Jackson please control your client No he's not my property He's a person - Ted 2 00:13 No he's not my property He's a person Oh my God - Ted 2 00:17 Oh my God Oh newsflash Boston whore has seen Italian penis - Ted 2 00:05 Oh newsflash Boston whore has seen Italian penis Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great Gatsby - Ted 2 00:40 Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great... Oh, what the fuck? What are you doing? - Ted 2 00:15 Oh, what the fuck? What are you doing? Oh what the fuck What are you doing - Ted 2 00:15 Oh what the fuck What are you doing
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Cast

John - Mark Wahlberg
Ted - Seth MacFarlane
Samantha - Amanda Seyfried
Tami-Lynn - Jessica Barth
Donny - Giovanni Ribisi
All Cast