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Besides we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him offYou're ready to be a parent
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Ted 2

We just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off - you're ready to be a...

Ted 2 • 2015
John:
We just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off - you're ready to be a parent

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.504
Besides we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off
00:00:04.587 --> 00:00:06.214
You're ready to be a parent
Available in 5 languages
Duration
7 seconds
Views
736
Timestamp in Movie
00:22:55
Uploaded
Feb 15, 2026
Genres
comedy
Production
Smart Entertainment,Universal Pictures,Fuzzy Door Productions,Bluegrass Films,MRC

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Movie Summary

Newlywed couple Ted and Tami-Lynn want to have a baby, but in order to qualify to be a parent, Ted will have to prove he's a person in a court of law.

Actors

Mark Wahlberg
John
Mark Wahlberg
What is that? - Ted 2 00:38
What is that?
I'm John Bennett. - Ted 2 00:41
I'm John Bennett.
Uh, excuse me. - Ted 2 00:08
Uh, excuse me.
I'm blinking it inGAGGING You got to fucking help meOh my God It's in my fucking mouthHang on I got to post this on FacebookNo CAMERA CLICKSHashtag Grr Mondays - Ted 2 00:12
I'm blinking it inGAGGING You got to fucking help meOh...
Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an accidentWe're so sorryWell I guess it's all right Those are the rejected sickle cell samplesAh you hear that JohnnyYou're covered in rejected black guy spermYou look like a Kardashian - Ted 2 00:14
Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an...
I'm sorrybut I'm gonna have to let you goWhat Why I've been busting my ass at this job for three yearsI just got a call from the Labor DepartmentI can't legally keep you on as an employeebecause I've been informed that you're technicallyTechnically not a - Ted 2 00:24
I'm sorrybut I'm gonna have to let you goWhat Why...
You fucking believe that? - Ted 2 00:47
You fucking believe that?
Right You see the thing is we don't want to take any chancesbecause the stakes are so significantWe can't just rush into anythingWe got to make sure we're making the right decisionTED We really appreciate your timebut I think what we're probably gonna do - Ted 2 00:26
Right You see the thing is we don't want to take any...
Wait wait wait What's your middle nameLeslieOh my God So you're Sam L Jackson LAUGHSThat's fucking great Just like Sam L JacksonWho is thatYou ever seen any movie ever He's the black guy - Ted 2 00:15
Wait wait wait What's your middle nameLeslieOh my God...
That weed is really goodIt reminds me of the strain I smokedlast summer called Here Comes AutismYeah I was just gonna say it's sort of like this other batch we had calledHow Long Has That Van Been ThereNo it's this new strain my dealer gave me called Help - Ted 2 00:15
That weed is really goodIt reminds me of the strain I...
All right, I got Dred Scott v. - Ted 2 00:19
All right, I got Dred Scott v.
Okay. I'm gonna ask you a few test questions. - Ted 2 00:19
Okay. I'm gonna ask you a few test questions.
Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great GatsbyJudy Blume HitlerF Scott FitzgeraldWho's thatThe authorWhy are you saying Fuck himWhatYou just said Eff Scott FitzgeraldWhat did Scott Fitzgerald do to you YeahNo that's his first nameHis - Ted 2 00:40
Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great...
His name's Fuck Scott Fitzgerald - Ted 2 00:04
His name's Fuck Scott Fitzgerald
Yes! Sir? Um, one of the janitors would like to see you. I'm busy. Fresh cakes! What is it, Danny? U - Ted 2 00:36
Yes! Sir? Um, one of the janitors would like to see you....
Mr. Jessup, I can make this company a billion dollars. I'm listening. Thirty years ago, a little boy - Ted 2 00:25
Mr. Jessup, I can make this company a billion dollars....
Oh, there's one! - Ted 2 00:27
Oh, there's one!
GAVEL BANGS Order - Ted 2 00:31
GAVEL BANGS Order
No he's not my property He's a personHe's way more of a person than lots of other peopleI mean fucking Steven TylerWhat the fuck is that Some kind ofweird soccer mom looking Goonie monsterYour Honor I'll allow it - Ted 2 00:13
No he's not my property He's a personHe's way...
Where did they get himChild World toy storeI'm sorry I couldn't hear that Could you repeat that pleaseChild World toy store You fucking heard me - Ted 2 00:11
Where did they get himChild World toy storeI'm sorry I...