To watch in HD, get ClipCafe PRO

So first we need a historical event Who's got an eventTED 9 11STUTTERS Okay maybe something elseAll right let's start with a personJOHN Robin WilliamsOkay all right for real guys for real Who's got a

We're giving you the tools, buddy! Come on, make some fucking comedy!

Ted 2 • 2015

Comic:
So first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?Ted:9/11!Comic:Oh oh, okay. Okay, maybe something else. Uh, let's start with a person.John:Robin Williams!Comic:Okay, alright. For real, guys, for real. Who's got a person?Ted:Robin Williams on 9/11!Comic:Alright, we've heard from these guys, Uh, let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance. How about a location? Let's go with a location.Ted:The offices of Charlie Hebdo!Comic:Okay, seriously, sir, I just need a location.John:Ferguson, Missouri!Ted:Germanwings cockpit!Comic:Okay, I heard Starbucks!Ted:No, you didn't!John:Nobody said Starbucks.Comic:Alright, Starbucks! Okay now, who's in the Starbucks?Ted:Bill Cosby!Comic:You people are monsters.John:We're giving you the tools, buddy! Come on, make some fucking comedy!

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.001

So first we need a historical event Who's got an event

00:00:04.017 --> 00:00:05.171

TED 9 11

00:00:05.338 --> 00:00:07.841

STUTTERS Okay maybe something else

00:00:08.997 --> 00:00:09.592

All right let's start with a person

00:00:09.676 --> 00:00:10.076

JOHN Robin Williams

00:00:10.927 --> 00:00:14.139

Okay all right for real guys for real Who's got a person

00:00:14.222 --> 00:00:16.099

TED Robin Williams on 9 11

00:00:16.182 --> 00:00:17.934

All right we've heard from these guys

00:00:18.999 --> 00:00:20.077

Let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance

00:00:20.854 --> 00:00:22.694

How about a location Let's go with a location

00:00:22.073 --> 00:00:24.691

TED The offices of Charlie Hebdo

00:00:24.983 --> 00:00:27.861

Okay seriously sir uh I just need a location

00:00:27.944 --> 00:00:29.154

JOHN Ferguson Missouri

00:00:29.237 --> 00:00:30.613

TED Germanwings cockpit

00:00:30.078 --> 00:00:32.074

Okay I heard Starbucks TED No you didn't

00:00:32.824 --> 00:00:34.001

JOHN Nobody said Starbucks

00:00:34.003 --> 00:00:37.203

All right Starbucks Okay now who's in the Starbucks

00:00:37.037 --> 00:00:38.538

TED Bill Cosby

00:00:38.705 --> 00:00:39.873

You people are monsters

00:00:40.123 --> 00:00:41.683

JOHN We're giving you the tools buddy

00:00:41.708 --> 00:00:43.209

Come on make some fucking comedy

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.043

لذا أولا نريد حدثا تاريخيا

00:00:03.044 --> 00:00:05.558

من لديه حدث تاريخي أحداث11من أيلول سبتمبر

00:00:05.559 --> 00:00:09.007

حسنا ربما شيء آخر دعنا نبدأ بشيء آخر عن شخص ما مثلا

00:00:09.701 --> 00:00:12.934

روبن ويليامز حسنا على محمل الجد يا شباب

00:00:12.935 --> 00:00:16.064

من لديه شخص روبن ويليامز أو أحداث 11 من أيلول

00:00:16.641 --> 00:00:20.714

حسنا سم عنا عن هذه المجموعة لنسمع من الجانب الآخر ونعطي فرصة لأحدهم

00:00:20.715 --> 00:00:22.073

ماذا عن المواقع لنبدأ بها

00:00:22.731 --> 00:00:26.012

مكتب شالي هيبتو لحقوق المرضى على محمل الجد سيدي

00:00:26.989 --> 00:00:29.206

أنا أريد موقعا فقط فرغسون مازوري مركز الإقليات

00:00:29.207 --> 00:00:32.478

موقع الكوكتيل الألماني حسنا سمعت ستاربكس

00:00:32.482 --> 00:00:34.418

كلا لم ي قل أحد ستاربكس حسنا

00:00:34.419 --> 00:00:38.651

من يوجد في ستاربكس بيل كوزبي

00:00:38.652 --> 00:00:41.492

أنتم قوم متوحشون حقا نحن نعطيك خيارات عزيزي

00:00:41.493 --> 00:00:43.968

هيا قدم بعض الكوميديا السخيفة

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.961

Voyons donc Non Il n'est qu'un jouet

00:00:03.044 --> 00:00:04.587

Vous dites que c'est un il

00:00:04.628 --> 00:00:07.002

On dit bien elle pour la statue de la Liberté

00:00:07.089 --> 00:00:10.426

mais on sait tous que c'est un objet de cuivre et d'acier

00:00:10.467 --> 00:00:11.051

Oh vous marquez un point

00:00:11.593 --> 00:00:14.972

Oui mais elle n'est pas consciente Lui oui

00:00:15.263 --> 00:00:16.264

Oh allez

00:00:16.348 --> 00:00:17.432

CHAÎNE FOX NEWS

00:00:17.473 --> 00:00:18.515

Vous allez qualifier

00:00:18.598 --> 00:00:19.766

cette peluche de personne

00:00:19.849 --> 00:00:20.085

Non Pas du tout

00:00:20.933 --> 00:00:22.101

On est tous toujours d'accord

00:00:22.392 --> 00:00:24.999

Bien sûr on entend partout à Boston

00:00:24.101 --> 00:00:27.146

que Ted l'ourson tente de prouver qu'il est une personne

00:00:27.604 --> 00:00:29.648

Des juristes examinent cette affaire de près

00:00:29.773 --> 00:00:31.108

Selon eux si Ted gagne

00:00:31.233 --> 00:00:33.986

les cheveux de Donald Trump entameraient aussi une poursuite

00:00:34.277 --> 00:00:37.614

Ils existent peut être

00:00:37.739 --> 00:00:40.117

Il ne devrait pas souhaiter être une personne

00:00:40.158 --> 00:00:43.912

Après tout il a passé des années à dormir collé contre un enfant

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.047

Scheiße ja

00:00:02.168 --> 00:00:05.138

Als Erstes brauchen wir ein historisches Ereignis Wer weiß eins

00:00:05.296 --> 00:00:06.343

9 11

00:00:06.464 --> 00:00:08.967

Ok vielleicht was anderes

00:00:09.133 --> 00:00:10.076

Ok fangen wir mit einer Person an

00:00:10.843 --> 00:00:11.935

Robin Williams

00:00:12.999 --> 00:00:15.314

Ok mal ernst Leute Wer weiß jemanden

00:00:15.389 --> 00:00:17.266

Robin Williams am 11 September

00:00:17.035 --> 00:00:19.001

Ok das waren Vorschläge von hier

00:00:19.143 --> 00:00:21.896

Vielleicht geben wir mal hier drüben jemandem eine Chance

00:00:21.979 --> 00:00:23.822

Wie wäre es mit 'nem Ort Einen Ort bitte

00:00:23.898 --> 00:00:25.866

Die Redaktionsräume von Charlie Hebdo

00:00:25.983 --> 00:00:28.862

0k ehrlich jetzt Sir Ich will einfach nur einen Ort

00:00:29.111 --> 00:00:30.328

Ferguson Missouri

00:00:30.404 --> 00:00:31.747

Germanwings Cockpit

00:00:31.822 --> 00:00:33.916

Ok ich habe Starbucks gehört Hast du nicht

00:00:33.991 --> 00:00:35.163

Keiner hat Starbucks gesagt

00:00:35.243 --> 00:00:38.372

Ok Starbucks Und wer ist da im Starbucks

00:00:38.537 --> 00:00:39.663

Bill Cosby

00:00:39.083 --> 00:00:41.997

Ihr Typen seid Monster

00:00:41.207 --> 00:00:44.381

Wir werfen dir die Bälle zu Mach was draus du bist doch Komiker

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.214

先ず歴史的出来事

00:00:03.364 --> 00:00:05.367

お題を９１１

00:00:05.503 --> 00:00:09.739

分ったでも何か他を別の人

00:00:09.779 --> 00:00:12.717

ロビンウイリアムズ自殺事件分った分った

00:00:12.785 --> 00:00:16.354

頼むぜお題をロビンウィリアムズと９１１

00:00:16.394 --> 00:00:20.467

聞こえてるよ誰か他の奴頼むよ

00:00:20.937 --> 00:00:22.769

場所はどうだ場所にしよう

00:00:22.809 --> 00:00:27.832

シャブリーエルド誌の事務所 2015 1 7 発砲事件土地だ真面目に頼むよ

00:00:27.934 --> 00:00:29.249

ミズーリ州ファーガソン 2014 8 9 黒人少年射殺事件

00:00:29.289 --> 00:00:32.522

ジャーマンウイング操縦室スタバが聞こえた

00:00:32.562 --> 00:00:34.046

ダメだ誰も言ってないぞ

00:00:34.064 --> 00:00:37.004

スタバだぞスタバに誰かいる

00:00:37.546 --> 00:00:38.702

ビルコスビーだレイプ事件

00:00:38.909 --> 00:00:40.998

あんたらモンスターだ

00:00:40.196 --> 00:00:43.188

材料を出してるんだ何か作れよ

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.293

Oh vamos No los tiene Él es un juguete

00:00:02.878 --> 00:00:04.428

Entonces por qué estás llamándolo un él

00:00:04.463 --> 00:00:06.673

Mira nosotros llamamos a la Estatua de la Libertad ella

00:00:06.882 --> 00:00:10.259

pero todos sabemos que es un objeto de cobre y acero

00:00:10.301 --> 00:00:11.177

Oh buen punto

00:00:11.385 --> 00:00:14.054

Sí pero ella no es consciente o siente Él si lo es

00:00:14.388 --> 00:00:16.999

Ahora vamos

00:00:16.001 --> 00:00:17.766

Alguno de Uds va a sentarse allí y decirme

00:00:17.892 --> 00:00:19.901

que este muñeco de peluche es una persona No

00:00:19.936 --> 00:00:21.023

No para nada Todos estamos de acuerdo todo el tiempo

00:00:21.856 --> 00:00:24.461

Así que la gran historia de Boston es que Ted el oso

00:00:24.496 --> 00:00:27.067

está demandando para demostrar que él es una persona

00:00:27.234 --> 00:00:29.445

Los expertos legales están observando de cerca este caso

00:00:29.487 --> 00:00:30.863

Dijeron que si Ted gana

00:00:31.029 --> 00:00:32.203

el cabello de Donald Trump debería

00:00:32.238 --> 00:00:33.823

presentar rápidamente una demanda similar

00:00:34.157 --> 00:00:37.998

Así que Yo creo que puede ser Podría ser real

00:00:37.369 --> 00:00:39.914

No creo que él deba querer ser considerado una persona

00:00:39.955 --> 00:00:41.054

Después de todo Ted pasó muchos años

00:00:41.582 --> 00:00:43.396

durmiendo y recibiendo caricias de un niño

00:00:43.431 --> 00:00:45.021

Eso es lindo cuando eres un animal de peluche

Available in 6 languages

Duration

44 seconds

Views

2,728

Timestamp in Movie

01:03:24

Uploaded

Feb 15, 2026

Genres

Production

Smart Entertainment,Universal Pictures,Fuzzy Door Productions,Bluegrass Films,MRC

Want This Clip in HD?

Upgrade for HD/4K downloads and unlimited access. Upgrade now →

Movie Summary

Newlywed couple Ted and Tami-Lynn want to have a baby, but in order to qualify to be a parent, Ted will have to prove he's a person in a court of law.

Actors

Comic

Steve Callaghan

Ted

Seth MacFarlane

John