Ted quotes

Ted poster
John Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear, Ted or his girlfriend, Lori.

Director: Seth MacFarlane
Writer: Seth MacFarlane (screenplay by), Alec Sulkin (screenplay by), Wellesley Wild (screenplay by), Seth MacFarlane (story by)
Production: Fuzzy Door Productions, Smart Entertainment, Bluegrass Films
Genre: comedy
Year: 2012
MetaScore: 62/100
ImdbRating: 6.9
BoxOffice: $218,815,487
Released: 29 Jun 2012
Awards: Nominated for 1 Oscar. Another 13 wins & 27 nominations.


68 Clips & Quotes

Except an Apache helicopter - Ted 01:00 Except an Apache helicopter Thunder buddies for life - Ted 01:15 Thunder buddies for life You're 35 years old and you're still scared of a little thunder - Ted 01:15 You're 35 years old and you're still scared of a little... I hear the fat kid running - Ted 00:17 I hear the fat kid running Stick your finger in the loop of my tag - Ted 01:02 Stick your finger in the loop of my tag We have been dating for four years tomorrow - Ted 00:32 We have been dating for four years tomorrow Nobody gives a shit - Ted 00:34 Nobody gives a shit This guy took my teddy bear - Ted 00:13 This guy took my teddy bear What's the special on Tuesdays - Ted 01:33 What's the special on Tuesdays You think you got what it takes - Ted 00:45 You think you got what it takes I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that - Ted 00:56 I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that You're home early - Ted 02:33 You're home early Ted and Tami Lynn continued their torrid love affair for quite some time - Ted 03:24 Ted and Tami Lynn continued their torrid love affair for... Your magical wish worked - Ted 01:09 Your magical wish worked I just had a great idea - Ted 00:31 I just had a great idea We'll do it your way - Ted 01:26 We'll do it your way Woody Harrelson - Ted 00:18 Woody Harrelson I was sending a Tweet - Ted 00:11 I was sending a Tweet Company's turning 20 - Ted 00:20 Company's turning 20 We are gonna party like the '80s - Ted 00:34 We are gonna party like the '80s Play 'Chopsticks' - Ted 01:53 Play 'Chopsticks' There's a shit on the floor - Ted 00:19 There's a shit on the floor I don't know that you wanna go to a drug dealer with complaints - Ted 00:34 I don't know that you wanna go to a drug dealer with... To John Bennett - Ted 02:30 To John Bennett I belong to John Bennett - Ted 00:33 I belong to John Bennett What do you mean - Ted 03:25 What do you mean I'm always fascinated to meet Ted's girlfriends - Ted 03:25 I'm always fascinated to meet Ted's girlfriends Is that my ringtone - Ted 00:28 Is that my ringtone You can't have my Teddy bear - Ted 00:23 You can't have my Teddy bear Teddy Rux fuckin' pin - Ted 00:28 Teddy Rux fuckin' pin A hooker took a shit in our apartment - Ted 00:59 A hooker took a shit in our apartment I thought  you  were gonna be funnier - Ted 00:22 I thought you were gonna be funnier Stand up straight when you're talking to me - Ted 00:32 Stand up straight when you're talking to me Loves you very much - Ted 02:23 Loves you very much My longest relationship was - Ted 00:36 My longest relationship was You can sing any 90's song with just vowels - Ted 00:16 You can sing any 90's song with just vowels Why are you crying - Ted 00:17 Why are you crying Look what Jesus did - Ted 00:15 Look what Jesus did I've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow - Ted 00:21 I've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow That's me and Tom Skerritt - Ted 03:26 That's me and Tom Skerritt This is Wade Boggs' autographed bat - Ted 03:26 This is Wade Boggs' autographed bat What's going on - Ted 03:30 What's going on You gotta get over here - Ted 03:30 You gotta get over here You guys seem pretty cool - Ted 00:41 You guys seem pretty cool Thank you very much - Ted 00:56 Thank you very much Welcome back Ted - Ted 00:21 Welcome back Ted When I was a little boy - Ted 01:25 When I was a little boy Okay here's a test to see how much you actually care about me - Ted 00:52 Okay here's a test to see how much you actually care about... I look like Snuggles' accountant - Ted 00:14 I look like Snuggles' accountant Lori was right about you - Ted 02:14 Lori was right about you We are gonna party like the 80s - Ted 00:23 We are gonna party like the 80s I've got a lot of pictures of you guys at my house - Ted 00:23 I've got a lot of pictures of you guys at my house Let's just find a better place to get stoned - Ted 00:16 Let's just find a better place to get stoned What are you doing here - Ted 00:29 What are you doing here Not looking up your towel - Ted 00:29 Not looking up your towel You got to let me help you make things right with you and Lori - Ted 01:36 You got to let me help you make things right with you and... Me and Ted are going to be best friends - Ted 00:52 Me and Ted are going to be best friends I've been following you ever since I was a young boy and - Ted 01:47 I've been following you ever since I was a young boy and All I'm saying is that Boston women are - Ted 01:27 All I'm saying is that Boston women are That's bullshit - Ted 01:27 That's bullshit I'm acting like a cock - Ted 00:54 I'm acting like a cock Thank Christ you made it - Ted 00:47 Thank Christ you made it I hate that word - Ted 00:10 I hate that word Son of a bitch - Ted 00:23 Son of a bitch It wasn't my fault - Ted 02:14 It wasn't my fault I look like the robot from Aliens - Ted 00:14 I look like the robot from Aliens Let's see how well you know these streets - Ted 00:15 Let's see how well you know these streets You are acting like a cock - Ted 00:12 You are acting like a cock

Cast

John Bennett - Mark Wahlberg
Lori Collins - Mila Kunis
Thomas - Matt Walsh
Tami-Lynn - Jessica Barth
Robert - Aedin Mincks
Narrator - Patrick Stewart
Norah Jones - Norah Jones
Sam Jones - Sam J. Jones
Tom Skerritt - Tom Skerritt
Young John - Bretton Manley
John's Dad - Ralph Garman
John's Mom - Alex Borstein
Asian Man 'Ming' - Robert Wu
Michelle - Melissa Ordway
Greenbaum Kid - Max Harris
Kid #1 - Zane Cowans
Kid #2 - T.J. Hourigan
Kid #3 - Owen Clarke
Heavenly - Kristina Ellery
Cherene - Katelyn Lorren
Angelique - Chanty Sok
Sauvignon Blanc - Sarah Fischer
Waitress - Cassie Djerf
Guy at Table #1 - Joe Siriani
Guy at Table #2 - Pat Shea
Guy in Line - Paul Campbell
Guy #2 - Chris Cox
Partygoer (Ted's Buddy) - Henry Penzi
Girl at Party - Tania Cabrera
Teenage John - Colton Shires
Plymouth PR Worker - Viera Andrea Moya
Club Girl - Haejee Kim
Crazy Guy - Shawn Thornton
Stagehand - Eric Weinstein
Waiter - Danny Smith
Newscaster - Mike Nikitas
Female Newscaster - Robin Hamilton
Southern Newscaster - Mike Henry
Wedding Guest - David Afflick
Rock Star Party Guest - Kilo Alexander
Party Chick - Jenny Allford
Norah Jones Concert Audience - Christian Alvarado
Concert Attendee - Emmalyn Anderson
Tourist - Dale F. Appel
Concertgoer - Lilith Astaroth
Pedestrian - Jacqueline Astbury
Club goer - Jamie Lea Babineau
Patron Ballgame - Keenan Bassma
Girl Feeding Waterfowl - Alecia Batson
Party Guest - Michael Battle
Business Executive - Marshall Berenson
Liberty Mechanic - Ronald Boone
Pretty Party Girl - Nicole Boucher
Karaoke Lounge Patron - Paul Bronk
Pedestrian - Jeff T. Buco
Hot Girl - Alex Bussell
Flower Girl - Madison Dae Clarion
Photographer - Jeffrey Corazzini
Dance Scene - Stevie Costa
Club Patron - Alexandra Creteau
Ted Danson - Ted Danson
Restaurant Patron - Richard DeAgazio
Karaoke Girl - Devon Diep
Party Goer - Eric Dittelman
Extra - Aaron Dorsey
Wedding guest - Ellyana
Fraternity Girl - Jackie B. Fabian
Doorman - Keith Fluker
Wedding Guest - Jimmy Flynn
PR Firm Employee - Shawn Fogarty
Man at Concert - Evan Fonseca
Tourist - John Franchi
Boy at Aquarium - Alexander 'Alex' Garde
Concert Attendee - Sophia Gilberto
Party Guest - Enku Gubaie
Man At Concert - Josh Gunderson
Car Rental Patron - London Hall
Concert Goer - Rachael Hobson
Donny's Dad - Danny Hoch
Pedestrian at Irish Pub - Rosemary Howard
Concert Attendee - Ashley Hughes
Nightclub Manager - Mike Jablon
Party Guest - Olivia Jordan
Concert Attendee - Lynn Julian
Restaurant Patron - Colleen Kelly
SpongeBob SquarePants - Tom Kenny
Concert Attendee - Tom Kenny
Store Shopper - Ren Knopf
Party Goer - Mark Kubr
PR Employee - Kathy LaShay Berenson
Ted's Party Guest - Joshua Lassman
Bar Patron - Henry Laun
Concert Attendee - Rob Lavin
Concert Attendee - Jordan Lazieh
Concert Attendee - Kamron Leal
OnStage Security - Christopher J. Long
Irishman Arguing Outside Pub - Daniel Lowney
Concert Attendee - Paul Lussier
Business Woman - Phyllis Lynn
Mini Golf Player - Gwen MacKay
Wedding Guest - Jeffrey Malick
Wedding Guest - Tom Mariano
On Stage Security - Boston Hatch Shell - Rob Marin
Party Goer - Katie McCabe
Self - Ed McMahon
Party Guest - Wayne R. Miller
Star Wars Movie Attendee - Tony Moreira
Wedding Guest - Sara Murphy
City Girl - Bethany Murray
Party Goer - Ken Murray
Club Girl - Roxanne Nichols
Club Patron - Leigh Nicole
Party Guest - Allan Oliveira
Concert Goer - Miriam Olken
Japanese Newscaster - Ted Oyama
Man in the Common - Richard Pacheco
Wedding Guest - Chris Palermo
Concert Patron - Joseph Paolo
Airport Patron - Joshua Paule
Concert Guest - Steve Perry
Party Guest - Laura Pizzuti
Roadie - David Pulson
Karaoke Singer #2 - Stacey Queripel
Wedding Patron - Donna Glee Reim
Concert Attendee - Brittney Renee
Party Guest - Jessica Rockwood
Self - Ray Romano
Party Goer - Kayla Ruhl
Concert Attendee - Megan Sacco
Girl at the Bar - Nicole Signore
Party Goer - Corey Spencer
Nightclub Patron - Matthew Spinale
Hotel Pianist - Curtis Stigers
Club Dancer 2 - Stream
Bellybutton - Tara Strong
Homeless Man - David Struffolino
Dad at Christmas - John Talalas
Clubber - Ben Tanguay
Party Guest - Trishna
Cute Girl Groped by Ted - Ally Tully
Grocery Walker - Kevin Vila
Party Guest - Ainsley Washek
Concert Attendee - Mike Wendt
Office Worker Party Guest - Darryl Wooten
Rock Concert Attendee - Luke Young