"Ted" quotes
John Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear, Ted or his girlfriend, Lori.
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Writer: Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy
Year: 2012
MetaScore: 62/100
ImdbRating: 6.9
BoxOffice: $218,815,487
Released: 29 Jun 2012
Awards: Nominated for 1 Oscar. 13 wins & 28 nominations total
184 Clips
00:15 You're mine, Ted.
00:05 You suck, get off the stage
00:24 You breaker my wall,
dis my home long time.
00:14 Yeah see theres a cart
00:07 Why you crying?
00:30 Well I guess this is it huh?
00:14 We are gonna party like the 80's.
00:06 Trust me, I can do this.
Shut up
00:12 This song is so great
00:07 There you go. Thank you very much, please
come again we have...
00:12 Thanks so much for coming
00:14 Teddy...
00:25 Stick your finger in
the loop of my tag
00:06 Son of a bitch
00:06 Shit, ou fuck man
00:06 Ohh... is that a Flash Gordon ray
gun, or are you just ahppy...
00:09 Oh shit, hang on a second
00:09 Oh Johnny thank
christ, you made it
00:06 Oh jesus
00:16 Oh my god
00:19 Oh my god, hes gonna
jump get closer
00:06 No... you cant have
my teddybear...
00:07 Michelob ultra tuscan
orange grapefruit
00:06 Lori Lori please, I
love you, come on
00:28 Lori, I...
00:18 Let him go
00:06 - Jesus, stay here.
- No, no, no, John.
00:18 Is that a new ringtone?
00:09 Im so sorry
00:08 Holy shit.
00:22 - Hey.
- Walking home alone, huh?
00:16 Hey uhh, hey Ellen - yeah?
00:10 Hey Johnny, it's me.
00:14 Hey Johnny. I just had a great idea lets
go get drunk at car...
00:21 - Fuck.
- Aww, shit.
00:11 Daddy
00:09 And for little John bennet, christams
day brought a very spe...
00:24 Alright... whatever you say
00:05 Alright karim
00:13 Ahh, you know sam, theres only
one way to end a perfect day.
Oh my god.
00:54 Mom Dad guess what My teddy bear's alive
00:04 I love you
00:15 I love my sixpence Better than my life
00:13 Are you out here all alone
00:07 Making out with that Van Wilder looking guy
00:15 I wish I could thank for this great night
00:05 I didn't know you had a baby Is it alive
00:10 TED Down here
00:05 Death to Ming
01:12 Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself
00:05 Oh yeah Chris Brown can do no wrong
00:07 My daughter better be alive you sick son of a bitch
00:05 See There proof Garfield's eyes look like a pair of...
00:04 Back off Susan Boyle
00:09 I think you're being a little more fair to him
00:51 You me and Lori and what's her name
00:05 You know what You're acting like a cock You know that
00:04 Let's see how well you know these streets
00:05 Jesus I look like the robot from Aliens
00:36 Lori wait please
00:05 What a cunt
00:25 Trust me I can do this Shut up
00:22 You know what You're acting like a cock You know that
00:19 Welcome back Ted
00:15 Thanks Flash
00:10 We are going to party like the '80s
00:30 Me and Ted are going to be best friends Daddy
00:37 You got to let me help you make things right with you and...
00:31 Look all I'm saying is that Boston women are on the...
00:36 Lori was right about you
00:23 Plus a hooker took a shit in our apartment
00:04 I don't I look like Snuggle's accountant
00:05 All right look let's just find a better place to get...
00:06 Yeah it's kind of funny actually
00:10 Stand up straight when you're talking to me
00:06 TED Hey Lori can you set the alarm for 11 00 A M
00:37 I have to say I've been following you ever since I was...
00:07 Look what Jesus did Look what Jesus did Look what Jesus did
Cast
John Bennett - Mark Wahlberg
Lori Collins - Mila Kunis
Ted - Seth MacFarlane
Rex - Joel McHale
Donny - Giovanni Ribisi