[Norah Jones returns to the stage after an intermission] Norah Jones: Thank you. So I'm gonna give my chops a rest and bring a friend up to the stage. He's gonna sing a song to a special lady in the
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Thank you. So I'm gonna give my chops a rest and bring a...

Ted 2012
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[Norah Jones returns to the stage after an intermission]

Norah Jones:
Thank you. So I'm gonna give my chops a rest and bring a friend up to the stage. He's gonna sing a song to a special lady in the audience who he loves very much. Please, give a big hand... to John Bennett!
[John enters the stage and waves at the crowd]

Lori:
Oh... my God.
Rex:
Holy... shit.
[John attempts to shake Norah's hand, but she smacks his bottom on her way toward the piano. John approaches the microphone]

Ted:
I gotta fuck her again.
John:
Um, hiya. My name is John Bennett, and this is for Lori Collins, 'cause I love you. You know, this song reminds me of the most important night in my life... the night we met. Uh, this is the theme song from the movie Octopussy.
[Norah plays the saxophone and piano to start the song]

John:
[singing off-key]
All I wanted was a sweet distraction for an hour or two / Had no intention to do the things we've done...
Ted:
Still better than Katy Perry.
John:
[singing off-key]
Funny how it always goes with love, when you don't look, you find / But then we're two of a kind /
[raises voice]

John:
We move as one / We're an all-time high...
Rex:
You suck! Get off the stage - Oh, c'mon, give him a chance!
[Crowd boos John as he continues to sing]

Angry fan:
You're an asshole!
[Angry fan jumps off the guard rail and runs toward John, but John knocks him out with the microphone stand, sending him crashing off the stage]

Norah Jones:
Oh Jesus!
[Security escorts John off the stage as other personnel surround the injured fan]

Transcript:
How are you doing,
you fuzzy little asshole?
Well, I'm not a hot,
half-Muslim chick
who sold 37 million records,
but I'm hanging in there.
Half-Indian, but thanks.
Yeah, whatever.
Thanks for 9/11.
Listen, I want you to meet a
good pal of mine, all right?
John Bennett, Norah Jones.
Hi, Norah Jones.
Hey, there, sweaty.
You ready to
bring down the house?
Yes, ma'am. Thank you for
the opportunity, Miss...
Ma'am Jones.
Thank you.
Jesus, you look fantastic.
Well, you're probably not used
to seeing me fully clothed.
Yeah, I know, right?
Me and Norah met in 2002 at a
party at Belinda Carlisle's house
and we had awkward
fuzzy sex in the coatroom.
Actually, you weren't so bad
for a guy with no penis.
You know, I have written so many
angry letters to Hasbro about that.
Thank you.
Now, I'm going to
give my chops a rest
and bring a friend up
to the stage.
He's going to sing a
song to a special lady
in the audience
who he loves very much.
Please give a big hand
to John Bennett.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit!
I gotta fuck her again.
Uh...
Hi, my name is John Bennett,
and this is
for Lori Collins.
Because I love you.
This song always reminds me of the
most important night of my life.
The night we met.
This is the theme song
from the movie Octopussy.
All I wanted was a sweet
distraction For an hour or two
Had no intention to do
Still better
than Katy Perry.
Funny how it
always goes with love
When you don't look,
you find
But then
we're two of a kind
We move as one
We're an all time high
You suck,
get off the stage!
Come on.
Give him a chance.
Doing so much more
You're an asshole!
Than falling...

Clip duration: 150 seconds
Views: 17
Uploaded: 28 January, 2021
Genres: comedy
Summary: John Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear, Ted or his girlfriend, Lori.


Actors

Norah Jones - Norah Jones