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[John gets a phone call from Ted] John: Excuse me. [Walks out of the bar as he answers his phone] John: Hey, Ted. Ted: Johnny, where are you? You gotta get over here, man! John: Why? What's going on?
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Excuse me. Hey, Ted. Johnny, where are you? You gotta get...

Ted 2012
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[John gets a phone call from Ted]

Excuse me.
[Walks out of the bar as he answers his phone]

Hey, Ted.
Johnny, where are you? You gotta get over here, man!
Why? What's going on?
Okay, so I'm having a little impromptu thing with some people at my apartment, and John, Sam Jones is here.
Sam Jones, Flash Fucking Gordon is here.
Holy shit! What?
You remember I said my buddy's cousin is friends with Sam Jones? My buddy's in town with his cousin. And who do you think is with him? Sam Jones. Sam Jones is here. And John, his hair is parted down the middle.
Just like in the movie.
Yes. Get over here, right now.
Fuck, I can't! I'm with Lori here. I'm already on probation. I just... I can't.
John, Flash Gordon was the most important figure of our formative years. He taught us right from wrong, good from evil. And that the word 'acting' apparently has an extremely broad definition. Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship, John. Come share this with me.
[Breathing heavily]
I'm coming.
[John runs back to the bar]

Rex, I gotta go. Look, I'll be back in like 30 minutes, tops, okay? But Lori cannot find out. She absolutely cannot know I was gone. If you can cover for me, I'm cool with all that other shit.
I got your back on this. She won't know. I've been there.
Alright, this is one man to another. I don't really know you, but I'm trusting you as a man. This is serious.
Dude, one man to another, I got you on this.
Thank you. I'll be back.
[John runs out to Lori's car]

I'm gonna have sex with your girlfriend.

my buddy, Johnny.
Not the lobster,
the guy running it.
I found my phone.
What's going on?
Is that a shit?
God, there are some
fucked-up fish out there.
Look at that one.
WASP-y, white-guy fish.
"I married the wrong woman, and
now I lead a life of regret."
Oh, look at this guy.
"I went to New York once in 1981,
and I just did not feel safe."
Ted, you gotta move out.
It's got to happen.
What did I do?
My relationship is at a very
delicate stage, you know.
Lori and I may just need
a little space right now.
Plus, a hooker took a
shit in our apartment.
Oh, God!
Ah, what?
Oh, this is so gross!
Don't tell me! I don't want to hear about it!
Did you get it?
No, I didn't get it!
Tell me when you get it!
Oh, my God,
I got some on my thumb!
No! You can never cook
with that hand again!
Oh, my God! You have to
learn to cook left-handed.
This is the most
disgusting thing ever!
Get it away from me!
Look, that was a tough
night for all of us.
Ted, you mean everything
to me, and so does Lori.
I'm just trying to find a way
to keep you both in my life.
She's making you
do it, isn't she?
But that doesn't mean we can't hang out.
We'll hang out all the time.
Yeah, but what about "thunder
buddies for life," Johnny?
I know. I just don't
know what to do, here.
I know it sucks, but otherwise
I'm going to lose her.
And I do love her, Ted.
I know you do, Johnny.
I'll help you get on your
feet out there, I promise.
I know. And we'll hang
out all the time, right?
All the time.
Fuck it. Bring it in. Come here.
Bring it in, you bastard.
Come on.
I love you!
Fuck. Shit, sorry, that's
the thing from the...
The old...
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not gay.
I know.
And you're not gay,
so we're fine.
We gotta get you a job.
I look stupid.
No you don't.
You look dapper.
I don't. I look like
Snuggle's accountant.
Come on,
it's not that bad.
John, I look like something
you give your kid
when you tell him
Grandma died.
Look, I know
it sucks, okay?
But you've got
to make some money
so you can pay
for an apartment.
I don't want to work
at a grocery store.
Yeah, but you
have no skills.
I told you,
I can totally be a lawyer.
You get the job, we're
celebrating after, okay?
Uh-huh. And if I
don't get the job,
are we still going to
smoke that pot?
Probably, yes.
Uh-huh. Okay, all right.
Good talk, coach, thanks.
All right, buddy,
go get 'em.
And don't worry,
I'll do my very best
to get this job
that I so crave.
So you think you
got what it takes?
I'll tell you what I got. Your
wife's pussy on my breath.
Nobody's ever talked
to me like that before.
That's 'cause everyone's mouth is
usually full of your wife's box.
You're hired.

Clip duration: 210 seconds
Views: 47
Timestamp in movie: 00:00:00
Uploaded: 28 January, 2021
Genres: comedy
Summary: John Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear, Ted or his girlfriend, Lori.