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"The 40 Year Old Virgin" quotes

The 40 Year Old Virgin poster
Goaded by his buddies, a nerdy guy who's never "done the deed" only finds the pressure mounting when he meets a single mother.

Director: Judd Apatow
Writer: Judd Apatow, Steve Carell
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy, romance
Year: 2005
MetaScore: 73/100
ImdbRating: 7.1
BoxOffice: $109,449,237
Released: 19 Aug 2005
Awards: 10 wins & 19 nominations

165 video clips

MoojAndy StitzerAndyBethJayAmyJillCalDavidPaula16 Year-old AndyHealth Clinic CounselorMarlaSmart Tech CustomerWaxing LadyHazizTrishNickyBoy At Health ClinicDad At Health ClinicMotoristPorn StarMarkJoeSaraBernadetteCollege Girl
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Hey Andy don't let him bother you It's okay not to have sex - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:15 Hey Andy don't let him bother you It's okay not to... Can I help you - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:36 Can I help you You're putting the pussy on a pedestal - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 You're putting the pussy on a pedestal You ain't my bitch - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:25 You ain't my bitch Cal So you're gay now - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:37 Cal So you're gay now It's about love It's about people - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:28 It's about love It's about people I gotta tell you something I'm really excited about it - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:36 I gotta tell you something I'm really excited about it David I like your sweater Does that come in a V neck - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 David I like your sweater Does that come in a V neck Because her hands were as big as Andr the Giant's - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:08 Because her hands were as big as Andr the Giant's Everybody dick looks big on 60 inch TV - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 Everybody dick looks big on 60 inch TV Now there are ways of having sex without intercourse - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:17 Now there are ways of having sex without intercourse What are you gonna do bitch I'll tell you what - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:37 What are you gonna do bitch I'll tell you what Take your porn with you I'm not taking it - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:24 Take your porn with you I'm not taking it We're gonna need more wax - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:10 We're gonna need more wax Man I'm gonna make one of those - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:36 Man I'm gonna make one of those You know how I know you're gay How - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:10 You know how I know you're gay How Is it true that if you don't use it you lose it - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:09 Is it true that if you don't use it you lose it So tell me Montel - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:08 So tell me Montel Why you always telling me to fuck a goat man - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 Why you always telling me to fuck a goat man I'm a virgin I always have been - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 I'm a virgin I always have been Today's forecast Dark and cloudy and chance of drive by - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 Today's forecast Dark and cloudy and chance of drive by You know what I respect women I love women - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:08 You know what I respect women I love women You know how I know that you're gay - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:32 You know how I know that you're gay Nothing against him but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:08 Nothing against him but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more... This is not a good look for me - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 This is not a good look for me You should keep your ho on a leash - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 You should keep your ho on a leash He had a wife who he fucked by the way - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 He had a wife who he fucked by the way Watch TV I'll probably re watch Gandhi - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:14 Watch TV I'll probably re watch Gandhi When your son is born is he already in parole - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 When your son is born is he already in parole You look like a man o' lantern - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 You look like a man o' lantern This is bullshit - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:34 This is bullshit How you doing I'm well - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:36 How you doing I'm well So this is your first time getting body waxed - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:18 So this is your first time getting body waxed Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade I think - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:35 Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade I think What's up dawg What happened How was the date with Trish - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:35 What's up dawg What happened How was the date with... I'm starving - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 I'm starving Do you know how I know you guys are gay - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 Do you know how I know you guys are gay We could do it in the - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:14 We could do it in the All you doing is using your instinct That's it - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:17 All you doing is using your instinct That's it You have really kind eyes you know that - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:08 You have really kind eyes you know that I hired a 90 pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:17 I hired a 90 pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart... Do you have any extra large condoms - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 Do you have any extra large condoms Here's what you do You tell her you're a virgin - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:19 Here's what you do You tell her you're a virgin How much have I had to drink How many pots have you smoken - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 How much have I had to drink How many pots have you smoken I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand but - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:08 I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand but Andy Yeah well virgin's not a dirty word - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:11 Andy Yeah well virgin's not a dirty word Let's get in the bath - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 Let's get in the bath I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 I need genital to genital connection and that's all I... That one hurt just as much as the first one - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 That one hurt just as much as the first one But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:22 But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment Hey Will and Grace back to work - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:35 Hey Will and Grace back to work Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:10 Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars I kind of thought you were a serial killer - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 I kind of thought you were a serial killer I'm very discreet - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:09 I'm very discreet Andy I'm throwing myself at you and - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:10 Andy I'm throwing myself at you and If I get the set will you throw in the DVD - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 If I get the set will you throw in the DVD Dude it's not a big deal You like to fuck guys - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 Dude it's not a big deal You like to fuck guys Where do you put the penis - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 Where do you put the penis What if she laughs at me though - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 What if she laughs at me though Hey wait Do you have protection - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 Hey wait Do you have protection That woman scares the shit out of me - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 That woman scares the shit out of me You know what's a fun game Huh - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:13 You know what's a fun game Huh Oral sex play Sounds like my Friday night - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 Oral sex play Sounds like my Friday night This your date drug Your roofie - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:09 This your date drug Your roofie Do you mind if I use your magnum - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 Do you mind if I use your magnum Get the fuck out of the road virgin - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 Get the fuck out of the road virgin Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses I don't want this stuff okay Because I don't do that that much - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:18 I don't want this stuff okay Because I don't do... Did you just flick me in the nuts No - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 Did you just flick me in the nuts No Okay The problem most men have is - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:25 Okay The problem most men have is You need to stop fucking around with my friend okay - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:16 You need to stop fucking around with my friend okay Fuck it I raise you Nastiest shit you've ever done - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:36 Fuck it I raise you Nastiest shit you've ever done I am going to tell her - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:12 I am going to tell her So tell me Montel - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:21 So tell me Montel Hi Andy I'm gonna talk dirty to you - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:34 Hi Andy I'm gonna talk dirty to you I prefer vaginal intercourse - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 I prefer vaginal intercourse It's gonna be fine They don't even remember - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:16 It's gonna be fine They don't even remember All right That's enough party's over - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 All right That's enough party's over Here's a cute story I came home the other day - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:19 Here's a cute story I came home the other day Fuck that nigger up - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:07 Fuck that nigger up She's picking you up from here Yeah - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:34 She's picking you up from here Yeah It's like this When I was growing pot I realized - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:35 It's like this When I was growing pot I realized Wait So you're a virgin - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:33 Wait So you're a virgin You know how I know you're gay How How do you know I'm gay - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:05 You know how I know you're gay How How do you know... Really All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins too - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:33 Really All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins... And what do you do with this vagina - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:04 And what do you do with this vagina I wanna introduce you to my friend - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:11 I wanna introduce you to my friend Rich men get off work then buy stereo - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:08 Rich men get off work then buy stereo Yeah he's performing a public colonoscopy - The 40 Year Old Virgin 00:06 Yeah he's performing a public colonoscopy
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Cast

Andy - Steve Carell
Trish - Catherine Keener
David - Paul Rudd
Jay - Romany Malco
Cal - Seth Rogen
All Cast