Komly
Jill: Are you Andy? Andy Stitzer: Uh... yeah. Jill: [holds up Jay's card] Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? Jay: My girlfriend Jill found *your* speed dating card. [raises his eyebrows] Andy
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Are you Andy? Uh... yeah. Is this yours? Did you write this...

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Jill:
Are you Andy?
Andy Stitzer:
Uh... yeah.
Jill:
[holds up Jay's card]
Is this yours? Did you write this stuff?
Jay:
My girlfriend Jill found *your* speed dating card.
[raises his eyebrows]

Andy Stitzer:
[Covering]
Oh! Yeah... right. God, I've been looking for that speed dating card. Thank you so much for bringing it to me.
Jill:
So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"?
Andy Stitzer:
[Stunned]
Mmm-hmm... yeah, "hurtin' for a squirtin'". Yeah, I wrote that.
Jill:
Oh, so you wrote, "ho fo' sho'".
Andy Stitzer:
[Embarrassed]
Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho... for sho'.
Jill:
You are never going to meet anyone with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch!
Andy Stitzer:
Who the... Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? I've never even met you. So why don't you back the shit off, all right? And stop with the inquisition.
Jill:
That's how you talk?
Andy Stitzer:
You know what? I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch! Know what I sayin'? So, shit, man... fuck it!
Jill:
[to Jay]
You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert.
Jay:
I don't hang out with him! I work with him and that's it! I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, he made a fool of himself. I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me.
Andy Stitzer:
You should keep your ho on a leash.
Jay:
Oh, bro, I can't let you talk...
Andy Stitzer:
Hey!
Jay:
I can't let you be talking to my woman that way, dawg.
Andy Stitzer:
Hey, hey! Bitch's running wild, man.

Transcript:
(Jill)
Are you Andy?
Yeah.
Is this yours?
Did you write this stuff?
My girlfriend, Jill,
found your
speed-dating card.
Yeah, right.
God, I've been looking
for that speed-dating card.
Thank you so much
for bringing it to me.
So, you actually wrote
that one girl looked like...
she was
"hurting for a squirting"?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
Hurting for a squirting,
I wrote that.
So you wrote
"ho fo show. "
Yeah, I remember that girl.
She was a ho.
Fo show.
Let me show you
how this device works.
Right, I'm just looking
for a cordless phone.
Yup, it's great.
You can do anything,
make video diaries...
Hey, Amy, how's it going?
How you feeling? I'm great.
I feel fantastic
since we broke up.
I feel awesome!
Can you just show me
the department where there
would be phones?
How have you been?
What's been going on...
I bet... Hey, have you been
doing a lot of this?
Sir, please, sir.
You are never gonna
meet anybody...
with that kind of mentality
about women,
you sick son of a bitch.
Who the fuck are you
to put me on trial?
I've never even met you.
So why don't you
back the shit off, all right?
And stop with the inquisition.
That's how you talk?
You know what,
I don't have to answer to you.
You ain't my bitch.
Know what I saying?
So, shit, man. Fuck it.
You shouldn't even be
hanging out with this pervert.
I don't hang out with him.
I work with him and that's it.
I tried to introduce him
to a few nice people...
he made a fool of himself.
I don't mess with him, baby.
That's not me.
You should keep your ho
on a leash.
Bro, I can't let you...
Hey.
I can't let you be talking
to my woman like that, dawg.
Know what I'm saying?
Bitch is running wild, man.
You miss that ass?
That's the ass of a free man.
That ass is going out tonight,
maybe to a club.
Maybe to a night club.
Hey, Andy...
take a look at your pal.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, he's performing
a public colonoscopy.
Isn't that sweet?
I'm gonna send
David home for the day...
and you're gonna
fill in for him.
What? Selling things?
You got that right.
I don't think
that's a good idea.
And you're gonna have to
talk to people, too.
I know that's a frightening
concept to you...
but I think you can handle it.
So get out there
and start selling some shit.
...thing for Amy.
Hold it.
Check it out.
(David)
I miss her.
##[music playing]
Dude, the floor's
the ultimate aphrodisiac.
All you got to do
is go make your pick now.
Come on, man.
Okay.
And you could act
a little enthused about it.
Yeah.
(Jay)
That's right. That's right.
Gazelle in the pink top.
(Jay)
Oh, shit.
Hi.
(Andy)
Looks like you're
checking out digital cameras.
You know what, he ain't going
to do it willingly.
No. We need to, like,
really facilitate things
a bit more.
Yo, Andy.
(Andy)
Yeah.
What's up, dude?
This is Jay, man.
Hey, Jay.
I am throwing a party tonight.
It's gonna be real mellow,
just chilled up.
Now, you really
need to be there.
It's gonna be
really, really colorful.
Are you free?
Yeah, I think so.
That was a joke, man.
I know you're free.
I'm okay.
Gotta go, man.
All right, bye.
So, tell me, Montel...
why weren't we invited
to the party?
What are we, Al-Qaeda?
No, hold up.
No, no.
It's not that kind of party,
y'all.
You're not coming
to our fucking party either,
okay?
Fuck you, okay?
First of all,
it ain't that kind of party.
Go fuck a goat.
Yeah.
Why you always telling me
to fuck a goat, man?

Clip duration: 196 seconds
Views: 60
Timestamp in movie: 00:59:51
Uploaded: 16 September, 2021
Genres: comedy, romance
Summary: Goaded by his buddies, a nerdy guy who's never "done the deed" only finds the pressure mounting when he meets a single mother.


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