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Cal: You're gay now? David: No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. Cal: I think... I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations
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You're gay now? No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. I...

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Cal:
You're gay now?
David:
No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate.
Cal:
I think... I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this, and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm a gay guy now."
David:
[smirks]
You're gay for saying that.
Cal:
I'm gay for saying that?
David:
You know how I know you're gay?
Cal:
How? How do you know I'm gay?
David:
Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal:
You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David:
You know how I know you're gay?
Cal:
How? 'Cause you're gay? And you can tell who other gay people are?
David:
You know how I know you're gay?
Cal:
How?
David:
You like Coldplay.

Transcript:
Oh.
Well, so I'm gonna
go tell Paula.
I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
That sounds great. Cool,
I'll see you guys tonight.
Okay.
All right.
[Clattering]
Oops.
I almost feel guilty.
No, you don't.
Going down!
Going down!
Dumbass.
And a full house.
Oh, my dukes!
What?
How much fucking online poker
do you play, dawg?
For like an hour or two
a night, when I'm not
playing Halo.
Why did you invite this guy?
He's a fucking ringer, man.
This is hog shit.
You, you're a fucking asshole
to tell me to come here.
You tell me he was a nice guy,
didn't you?
Well, fuck you people,
and fuck you, you and you...
fuck and kiss my big brown
fucking ass, okay?
(Jay)
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
Peace.
All right, man.
(Mooj)
Fuck a goat.
[All laughing]
Good night.
I love that guy.
Dude, you totally...
Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn.
About to go see Ellen
in a little bit.
Going now?
Late-night action, huh?
Dude, you know
how it goes.
Does your girlfriend know
about all these
late-night visits?
It's like an unspoken
agreement. Yeah.
It's like a completely
and utterly unspoken
agreement.
If you knew her, if you knew
who I was dealing with...
you wouldn't be
saying this shit.
There's nothing you can't do
with this woman...
straight up and down.
I've done
every single thing...
I could possibly create.
I've literally lubed up...
and made love to the arches
of her feet. All right.
Wow!
(Jay)
Yeah.
Foot fuck!
That's sick, man.
Wow.
That is not sick.
I will give you sick.
Oh, shit.
I was sleeping with a woman
recently, she had the...
Her tits were unbelievable.
Oh, man, I love titties.
And so we're doing it
and I'm about to finish...
and her dog starts
licking my ass.
I swear to God, I have
to decide, do I finish
or do I stop the dog?
I know your nasty ass.
He finished.
I finished.
And then I stole the dog.
No, I didn't, but...
You know, sometimes,
Amy and I would make love...
till it was almost like
we weren't two people...
but we were two spirits
or something.
Our souls were
connected in this way,
I can't describe it.
Time stood still.
It was like we were
sharing the same heart.
Stop, man! Why do you
always come and kill the vibe
with those things?
"Sharing the same heart,"
that's like some...

Clip duration: 145 seconds
Views: 67
Timestamp in movie: 00:08:34
Uploaded: 16 September, 2021
Genres: comedy, romance
Summary: Goaded by his buddies, a nerdy guy who's never "done the deed" only finds the pressure mounting when he meets a single mother.


Actors

David - Paul Rudd