Cal: Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke. Andy Stitzer: I think I've got all the advice I can handle right now. Cal: Don't
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Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more...

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Cal:
Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke.
Andy Stitzer:
I think I've got all the advice I can handle right now.
Cal:
Don't get bitter.
Andy Stitzer:
I'm not getting bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay?
Cal:
That was Jay's idea, and I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is the gayest thing you could possibly do. Look at me: looks are not important. *Really* look at me. I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards, but, I get with women. Aren't you curious as to how that's possible?
Andy Stitzer:
I am not ugly as fuck.
Cal:
I didn't say you were ugly as fuck.
Andy Stitzer:
Well, you implied it.
Cal:
Okay, okay, it doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck, or you're ugly as shit. It's about *talking* to women, and I know how to do that because I observe, because I am a novelist.
Andy Stitzer:
What? You never told me that before.
Cal:
That's because I'm not an arrogant prick, Andy.

Transcript:
You need to plant
a lot of seeds.
It's like this.
When I was growing pot,
I realized...
that the more seeds
I planted...
Thank you.
...the more pot
I could ultimately smoke.
I think I have all the advice
that I can handle right now.
Don't get bitter.
I'm not bitter.
I almost lost a nipple, okay?
That was Jay's idea, okay?
And I wasn't going to
say anything,
but waxing your chest is...
like the gayest thing
you could possibly do, okay?
Look at me.
Looks are not important.
Really look at me.
I am ugly as fuck
by traditional standards...
but I get with women.
Aren't you curious
as to how that's possible?
I am not ugly as fuck.
I didn't say you were
ugly as...
Well, you implied it.
Okay.
It doesn't matter if
you're ugly as fuck
or you're ugly as shit.
It's about talking to women,
and I know how to do that...
because I observe,
because I am a novelist.
What? You never
told me that before.
That's because I am not
an arrogant prick, Andy.
Okay? The problem
most men have is...
they don't know
how to talk to women.
You know what my problem is?
I am not interesting.
What am I supposed to say?
"I went to magic camp?"
"I'm an accomplished
ventriloquist?"
"I am a seventh-degree
imperial yo-yo master. "
[Exclaims]
Do me, yo-yo master.
I want you to do me,
'cause you're the yo-yo guy.
Are you done? Listen.
The problem
most men have is...
they just plain straight up
have no clue
how to talk to women.
Just ask a question, okay?
That's it.
Because women do not care
about what you have to say...
at all anyway, you know.
And all they want to do
is talk about themselves.
So you're just gonna
let them do that.
Okay? So remember.
Questions, be cool,
and be kind of a dick.
Here, be David Caruso
in Jade.
Okay. I know exactly
what you're talking about.
You do. That's good.
(Cal)
There she is.
Go plant that seed, man.
Plant it with your finger.
Can I help you?
I don't know. Can you?
Are you looking
for something?
Is there something
I should be looking for?
[Laughs]
We have
a lot of books.
So, maybe it depends
on what you like.
What do you like?

Clip duration: 163 seconds
Views: 23
Uploaded: 28 January, 2021
Genres: comedy, romance
Summary: Goaded by his buddies, a nerdy guy who's never "done the deed" only finds the pressure mounting when he meets a single mother.


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