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"The Curse of the Jade Scorpion" quotes

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion poster
An insurance investigator and an efficency expert who hate each other are both hypnotized by a crooked hypnotist with a jade scorpion into stealing jewels.

Director: Woody Allen
Writer: Woody Allen
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy, crime, mystery
Year: 2001
MetaScore: 52/100
ImdbRating: 6.7
BoxOffice: $7,517,191
Released: 24 Aug 2001
Awards: 1 win & 1 nomination

43 video clips

AlCw BriggsChris MagruderBetty Ann FitzgeraldLaura KensingtonC.w. BriggsJill
That girl's got a body that won't quit - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:25 That girl's got a body that won't quit There's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 There's a word for people who think everyone is... If it's in the same spot it was this afternoon I'd like to check it out - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:10 If it's in the same spot it was this afternoon I'd... I The place is a little messy - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 I The place is a little messy I could understand that - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 I could understand that Yeah that's right and I have a strawberry mark on my thigh to prove it - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:11 Yeah that's right and I have a strawberry mark on my... And then he brought Fitzgerald who was with me at the time - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:06 And then he brought Fitzgerald who was with me at the time Can I sit down in there or will I catch something - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:08 Can I sit down in there or will I catch something I got a deck of playing cards with naked women on them You could've you know - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:12 I got a deck of playing cards with naked women on them You... Did I really throw you out of bed - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 Did I really throw you out of bed You gonna take that coat off - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:09 You gonna take that coat off They say I always get my man Me too - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 They say I always get my man Me too Hmph You have a fresh mouth I'm not sure I like you - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:11 Hmph You have a fresh mouth I'm not sure I like you It hasn't rained in this apartment in 20 years - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:13 It hasn't rained in this apartment in 20 years Really You and Magruder It's a match made in heaven - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 Really You and Magruder It's a match made in heaven I'll slip into something a little more comfortable wait for you in bed - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:10 I'll slip into something a little more comfortable wait... So what You always get your kicks fondling women's shoes - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 So what You always get your kicks fondling women's... So did you tell her who's boss - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:17 So did you tell her who's boss I'd think you had a brain tumor - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:29 I'd think you had a brain tumor You misunderstand me I dreamed you and I finally wound up together - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:09 You misunderstand me I dreamed you and I finally wound up... Listen honey I gotta get some help and you're gonna help me - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 Listen honey I gotta get some help and you're gonna... You wormy little ferret - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 You wormy little ferret I maybe a scummy vermin but I'm an honest scummy vermin - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 I maybe a scummy vermin but I'm an honest scummy vermin And you snore like a grizzly bear with a sinus condition - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 And you snore like a grizzly bear with a sinus condition Who happens right now to be wanted for pederasty will vouch for me - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:06 Who happens right now to be wanted for pederasty will vouch... Many a man's gone to the gallows on circumstantial evidence - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:06 Many a man's gone to the gallows on circumstantial... Who do you think I am - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:10 Who do you think I am The only one that gives me the dry heaves is Briggs - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 The only one that gives me the dry heaves is Briggs You got a little crush on her don't ya - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:04 You got a little crush on her don't ya Magician What is your name sir - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:35 Magician What is your name sir 'cause the bags under your eyes are getting bigger - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 'cause the bags under your eyes are getting bigger This is a very smart burglar - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:08 This is a very smart burglar So should we - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:09 So should we God bless you You have a splendidly shaped buttocks - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 God bless you You have a splendidly shaped buttocks You don't have a kosher bone in your body - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:04 You don't have a kosher bone in your body They all look the same upside down I can never tell - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:04 They all look the same upside down I can never tell I wasn't searching I was rummag Can a colleague not rummage - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 I wasn't searching I was rummag Can a colleague not... It's only an hour and 15 minutes - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:07 It's only an hour and 15 minutes If you've got a cold somebody's got to rub your chest down with Vicks - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:08 If you've got a cold somebody's got to rub your... Hot The New York City Police want to give me a lifetime achievement award - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:06 Hot The New York City Police want to give me a lifetime... I ain't heard a word about any job - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:09 I ain't heard a word about any job Don't bother seeing me to the door Someone might think we're together - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:09 Don't bother seeing me to the door Someone might think... Gosh so much passion in a lousy insurance office I know - The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 00:05 Gosh so much passion in a lousy insurance office I know

Cast

Sam - John Tormey
Mize - John Schuck
CW Briggs - Woody Allen
Jill - Elizabeth Berkley
Rosie - Kaili Vernoff
All Cast