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Jesus was thirsty, poor thing. He drank it all
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The First Temptation of Christ

Jesus was thirsty, poor thing.He drank it all

Jesus was thirsty, poor thing.
He drank it all

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:05.171
Jesus was thirsty, poor thing. He drank it all.
Duration
5 seconds
Views
51
Timestamp in Movie
00:28:19
Uploaded
Jun 15, 2025
Genres
short, comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Jesus, who's hitting the big 3-0, brings a surprise guest to meet the family.
This tea didn't do the trick. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
This tea didn't do the trick.
- Life has other plans for you. - Your life has a greater purpose. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:25
- Life has other plans for you. - Your life has a greater pu...
I could eat some beans, if you have any. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
I could eat some beans, if you have any.
Do you think I wanted to be here painted in blue, - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
Do you think I wanted to be here painted in blue,
- I'm not having fun either. - But why me? - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
- I'm not having fun either. - But why me?
Bottling up anger is like holding burning coal to throw at someone. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
Bottling up anger is like holding burning coal to throw at s...
Every time you don't know the answer to something, - The First Temptation of Christ 00:06
Every time you don't know the answer to something,
Is a leaf floating down a river, - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
Is a leaf floating down a river,
These ridiculous clichés only work with your followers. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
These ridiculous clichés only work with your followers.
- Guys, let's focus. - What are you afraid of, Jesus? - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
- Guys, let's focus. - What are you afraid of, Jesus?
I'm afraid of failing, of being misinterpreted. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
I'm afraid of failing, of being misinterpreted.
People are gullible. They'll literally believe in anything. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
People are gullible. They'll literally believe in anyth...
I think this opportunity won't come knocking again, man. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
I think this opportunity won't come knocking again, man...
Did you realize you'll be father and son at the same time? - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
Did you realize you'll be father and son at the same ti...
- That shit's dope, bro. - Don't mind him. He's long gone. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
- That shit's dope, bro. - Don't mind him. He'...
I'll name this painting "The Baptism of God's New Son." - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
I'll name this painting "The Baptism of God's...
I told them you're wild. You're a naughty Capricorn. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
I told them you're wild. You're a naughty Capricor...
The Three Wise Men helped me. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:05
The Three Wise Men helped me.
And you're absolutely right, no one can choose your path. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
And you're absolutely right, no one can choose your pat...
Do the stand-up bit about me telling Abraham to kill his son again. - The First Temptation of Christ 00:04
Do the stand-up bit about me telling Abraham to kill his son...