Who in this country was not moved when that great Englishman, Gazza, wept bitter tears at...

Alan B'Stard:
Who in this country was not moved when that great Englishman, Gazza, wept bitter tears at the World Cup last year? People thought that He was crying because he had been booked by the umpire and so would miss the final. But that was not the reason. He was crying at the thought that the Conservative government, the only government this young hero had ever known, was behind in the opinion polls. He was weeping at the threat of the return to power of a Labour rabble led by a bald Welsh windbag, dedicated to destroying Britain's prosperity, running down our currency, encouraging satanist abuse of our children, spreading AIDS through their sponsorship of homosexual behaviour, abolishing the House of Lords, and executing the royal family. Gazza didn't want that for his children, do you want it for yours? Or do you want a government that lets you share in Britain's prosperity by offering you the chance of five, yes five, free Sun jackpot bingo cards with every registered Tory membership application? Yes, apply now to join the Tory party at this week's once in a lifetime special offer price of only £9.99 and you will receive a free Tarzan Teenage Hero Turtle T-shirt, a Gazza car tidy, and the News of the World every Sunday for a year