A week! Are you kidding? This has got to close on page four!

Leo Bloom:

[Searching for the sure-fire flop]
... Max, let's call it a night. It's two in the morning; I don't know what I'm reading anymore! Max Bialystock:
Read, read! We've got to find the worst play ever written! [reads] Max Bialystock:
Ah. 'Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant cockroach.' [thinks] Max Bialystock:
It's too good. Leo Bloom:
[later]
... Wait a minute... wait a minute - I've read this play. I'm reading plays I read this morning! I can't go on! It's too much! Max, let's face it; we'll never find it! Max Bialystock:
[laughing]
... O-ho! We'll never find it, huh...? [singing] Max Bialystock:
Rio, Rio by the sea-o, Bialystock and Leo, oh me-oh, oh my... [holding a script] Max Bialystock:
Leo, smell it! See it? Touch it, touch it... Leo Bloom:
What is it? Max Bialystock:
What is it! We've struck gold. Not fool's gold, but real gold! The Mother Lode. The Mother of them all! Kiss it, kiss it! [Leo does] Leo Bloom:
You found a flop? Max Bialystock:
A flop! That's putting it mildly. We've found a disaster, a catastrophe, an outrage! A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty. This is freedom from want forever. This is a house in the country. This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley. This is wine, women, and song... and women. Leo Bloom:
Let's see it. [reading] Leo Bloom:
... 'Springtime For Hitler: A Gay Romp With Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden.' Wow...! Max Bialystock:
Wow! It's practically a love-letter to Hitler! Leo Bloom:
This won't run an WEEK! Max Bialystock:
A week! Are you kidding? This has got to close on page four!