The Producers quotes

The Producers poster
New York, 1959. Max Bialystock was once the king of Broadway, but now all his shows close on opening night. Things turn around when he's visited by the neurotic accountant Leo Bloom, who proposes a scheme tailor-made for producers who can only make flops: raise far more money than you need, then make sure the show is despised. No one will be interested in it, so you can pocket the surplus. To this end, they produce a musical called Springtime for Hitler written by escaped Nazi Franz Liebken. Then they get the insanely flamboyant Roger De Bris to direct. Finally, they hire as a lead actress the loopy Swedish bombshell Ulla (whose last name has over 15 syllables). As opening night draws near, what can go wrong? Well, there's no accounting for taste...

Director: Susan Stroman
Writer: Mel Brooks (screenplay), Thomas Meehan (screenplay), Mel Brooks, Mel Brooks, Thomas Meehan, Mel Brooks
Production: Universal Pictures
Year: 2005
MetaScore: 52/100
ImdbRating: 6.3
BoxOffice: $19,398,532
Released: 25 Dec 2005
Awards: Nominated for 4 Golden Globes. Another 1 win & 13 nominations.


111 Clips & Quotes

Let's assume for a moment - The Producers 00:18 Let's assume for a moment The wrong director - The Producers 00:20 The wrong director Where did we go right - The Producers 00:20 Where did we go right How can I shoot you if you keep moving - The Producers 00:15 How can I shoot you if you keep moving What is your first name - The Producers 00:43 What is your first name Not many people know this - The Producers 00:25 Not many people know this Many different herrings - The Producers 01:36 Many different herrings Back in the closet - The Producers 00:11 Back in the closet How can I help you - The Producers 00:47 How can I help you Adolf Elizabeth Hitler - The Producers 03:15 Adolf Elizabeth Hitler How did it begin - The Producers 03:15 How did it begin Is that anything like death - The Producers 00:22 Is that anything like death The Fuhrer wasn't a mousy little mama's boy - The Producers 00:20 The Fuhrer wasn't a mousy little mama's boy I'm drowning here - The Producers 02:05 I'm drowning here I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone with a spine - The Producers 00:18 I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone with a spine Actors are not animals - The Producers 00:22 Actors are not animals Have you ever eaten with one - The Producers 00:22 Have you ever eaten with one You were right about one thing - The Producers 00:19 You were right about one thing I'm not that fat - The Producers 00:20 I'm not that fat We might have several positions for you - The Producers 00:26 We might have several positions for you Do I smell the revolting stench of self esteem - The Producers 00:16 Do I smell the revolting stench of self esteem He's having a stroke - The Producers 00:11 He's having a stroke I'm having a rhetorical conversation - The Producers 00:14 I'm having a rhetorical conversation Thank you for smiling - The Producers 00:43 Thank you for smiling I'm not going to the toilet - The Producers 00:17 I'm not going to the toilet And now I'll be on me way - The Producers 00:24 And now I'll be on me way I was never a member of the Nazi Party - The Producers 00:53 I was never a member of the Nazi Party I was just a paper hanger - The Producers 01:49 I was just a paper hanger Bloom is staring at my gown - The Producers 01:35 Bloom is staring at my gown Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yonsen Tallen Hallen Svaden Svanson - The Producers 00:34 Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yonsen Tallen Hallen Svaden Svanson You're HIS wife - The Producers 00:34 You're HIS wife She's fantastic - The Producers 00:55 She's fantastic This crazy Kraut is crackers - The Producers 00:26 This crazy Kraut is crackers May I take your hat - The Producers 00:15 May I take your hat I wanna be a producer - The Producers 02:09 I wanna be a producer You'll find your happiness in Rio - The Producers 00:29 You'll find your happiness in Rio Violinists love to play an E string - The Producers 00:22 Violinists love to play an E string I don't think I have the strength - The Producers 01:02 I don't think I have the strength You made a fool of Hitler - The Producers 00:17 You made a fool of Hitler Not many people know zis - The Producers 01:10 Not many people know zis Of course that whole second act has to be rewritten - The Producers 00:26 Of course that whole second act has to be rewritten I'm hysterical and I'm wet - The Producers 00:17 I'm hysterical and I'm wet We never should've started this - The Producers 00:32 We never should've started this Hold me touch me - The Producers 00:32 Hold me touch me Feeling up the old lady - The Producers 00:22 Feeling up the old lady Never put your own money in the show - The Producers 00:29 Never put your own money in the show My name's not 'Alvin' - The Producers 00:41 My name's not 'Alvin' There's more to you than there is to you - The Producers 00:15 There's more to you than there is to you Und repeat after me - The Producers 01:24 Und repeat after me Don't forget to buy  Mein Kampf  in paper back - The Producers 00:28 Don't forget to buy Mein Kampf in paper back I want you to know - The Producers 00:26 I want you to know I must tell my birds - The Producers 00:11 I must tell my birds This is how you sing Haben Sie geh rt das Deutsche band - The Producers 00:30 This is how you sing Haben Sie geh rt das Deutsche band You are Max Bialystock - The Producers 00:26 You are Max Bialystock It's the mother lode - The Producers 00:11 It's the mother lode Why Bloom go so far camera right - The Producers 00:14 Why Bloom go so far camera right Always moving your lips along with the actors - The Producers 00:25 Always moving your lips along with the actors We're not alone - The Producers 00:10 We're not alone You mean that smell is you - The Producers 00:25 You mean that smell is you Ohh how I hate you - The Producers 00:11 Ohh how I hate you Your tie is all askew - The Producers 00:26 Your tie is all askew You're an accountant - The Producers 00:16 You're an accountant Forgive the pun - The Producers 00:21 Forgive the pun I know   you hung up your coat while you were still in it - The Producers 00:19 I know you hung up your coat while you were still in it He's wearing a dress - The Producers 00:11 He's wearing a dress I'm a little busy - The Producers 00:11 I'm a little busy We're in too deep - The Producers 00:23 We're in too deep Let's get out of here before they kill us - The Producers 00:15 Let's get out of here before they kill us You sniveling cowards - The Producers 00:39 You sniveling cowards I think we're getting in too deep - The Producers 00:26 I think we're getting in too deep I'll tell you when we're getting in too deep - The Producers 00:26 I'll tell you when we're getting in too deep I would like to sing  The little wooden boy - The Producers 00:16 I would like to sing The little wooden boy THAT'S OUR HITLER - The Producers 00:11 THAT'S OUR HITLER I made it out just like you told me to - The Producers 00:33 I made it out just like you told me to When you got it - The Producers 00:10 When you got it Don t forget to buy  Mein Kampf  in paper back - The Producers 00:24 Don t forget to buy Mein Kampf in paper back I want everything I've ever seen in the movies - The Producers 00:16 I want everything I've ever seen in the movies Where are you going - The Producers 00:15 Where are you going We're Bialystock and Bloom - The Producers 00:18 We're Bialystock and Bloom I know we sent it to you only this morning - The Producers 01:43 I know we sent it to you only this morning When mounting a - The Producers 00:14 When mounting a And sex maniac in Sing Sing - The Producers 00:39 And sex maniac in Sing Sing You teutonic TWIT - The Producers 00:11 You teutonic TWIT Finally a chance to be a broadway producer - The Producers 00:30 Finally a chance to be a broadway producer Don't be stupid - The Producers 00:16 Don't be stupid I haven't been so happy since we crushed Poland - The Producers 00:17 I haven't been so happy since we crushed Poland I am not so sure about this year - The Producers 00:51 I am not so sure about this year This is no good - The Producers 00:19 This is no good I'll send you to the moon Thursday - The Producers 00:18 I'll send you to the moon Thursday I want that money - The Producers 00:11 I want that money I was not a member of the Nazi party - The Producers 00:14 I was not a member of the Nazi party It's sort of a Nazi Hoedown - The Producers 00:13 It's sort of a Nazi Hoedown Roger Elizabeth DeBris - The Producers 00:12 Roger Elizabeth DeBris Okie slash dokie - The Producers 00:16 Okie slash dokie Ve are all alone - The Producers 00:10 Ve are all alone What are you in for - The Producers 00:11 What are you in for What are you going to sing for us - The Producers 00:51 What are you going to sing for us Oh WORSHIPPED it - The Producers 00:29 Oh WORSHIPPED it Don't be stingy - The Producers 00:16 Don't be stingy Why you miserable - The Producers 00:37 Why you miserable Did you bring the checkie - The Producers 00:40 Did you bring the checkie And that is why they call me Rolf - The Producers 00:19 And that is why they call me Rolf Remember ven Ulla Dance - The Producers 00:19 Remember ven Ulla Dance Call in a singing Hitler - The Producers 00:12 Call in a singing Hitler And now finally - The Producers 00:18 And now finally May I take your hats - The Producers 00:27 May I take your hats He's wearing a German helmet - The Producers 00:30 He's wearing a German helmet I haven't been zis happy since vee crushed Poland - The Producers 00:17 I haven't been zis happy since vee crushed Poland We find the defendant  incredibly  guilty - The Producers 00:15 We find the defendant incredibly guilty A wandering minstrel - The Producers 00:24 A wandering minstrel Guten Tag clap clap - The Producers 00:15 Guten Tag clap clap

Cast

Max Bialystock - Nathan Lane
Leo Bloom - Matthew Broderick
Franz Liebkind - Will Ferrell
Roger DeBris - Gary Beach
Carmen Ghia - Roger Bart
Hold Me-Touch Me - Eileen Essell
Prison Trustee - Michael McKean
Lick Me-Bite Me - Debra Monk
Kiss Me-Feel Me - Andrea Martin
Mr. Marks - Jon Lovitz
Usherette - Bryn Dowling
Usherette - Meg Gillentine
Workman - Kevin Ligon
Bum - Ray Wills
Bag Lady - Marilyn Sokol
Cab Driver - Brad Oscar
Misfit Showgirl - Tory Ross
Brian the Set Designer - Brent Barrett
Kevin the Costume Designer - Peter Bartlett
Scott the Choreographer - Jim Borstelmann
Shirley Markowitz - Kathy Fitzgerald
Sabu the Houseboy - Jai Rodriguez
Injun Jack - Mike Jackson
First Mate Kyle - Keith Kuhl
Patrolman Pete - Keith Lamelle Thomas
Jack Lapidus - Roland Rusinek
Jason Green - Jason Antoon
Mildred the Audition Accompanist - Madeline Doherty
Ticket Taker - Jonathan Freeman
Workman #2 - Mike McGowan
Gunter - Timothy Gulan
Conductor - Patrick S. Brady
Lead Tenor - John Barrowman
Mr. Shocked - Michael McCormick
Mrs. Bewildered - Susann Fletcher
Stormtrooper Rolf - Michael Thomas Holmes
Stormtrooper Mel - Ronn Carroll
Snooty Woman - Ruth Williamson
Stuffy Man - John C. Vennema
Officer O'Toole - Fred Applegate
Officer O'Reilly - Jerry Richardson
Officer O'Rourke - Timothy Shew
Jail Guard - Danny Mastrogiorgio
Jury Foreman - Richard Kind
Stenographer - Naomi Kakuk
Max's Attorney - Thomas Meehan
Convict #1 - Brian Rogalski
Convict #2 - Jimmy Smagula
Sing Sing Prison Guard - James Biberi
Hilda the Pigeon - Mel Brooks
First Nighter - Rachel Montez Minor
First Nighter - John Treacy Egan
First Nighter - Robert Fowler
First Nighter - Jack Hayes
First Nighter - Angelique Ilo
First Nighter - Stephanie Michels
First Nighter - Dana Moore
First Nighter - Christopher Nilsson
First Nighter - Christina Marie Norrup
First Nighter - Chris Michael Peterson
First Nighter - Mia Price
First Nighter - Wayne Schroder
First Nighter - John Sloman
First Nighter - Abe Sylvia
First Nighter - Craig Waletzko
First Nighter - Wendy Waring
First Nighter - Jeff Williams
First Nighter - Karen Ziemba
Accountant - Matt Allen
Accountant - Matt Baker
Accountant - Ken Barnett
Accountant - Alan Bennett
Accountant - D.B. Bonds
Accountant - Harry Bouvy
Accountant - Patrick Boyd
Accountant - Liam Burke
Accountant - Justin Greer
Accountant - Peter Gregus
Accountant - Eric Gunhus
Accountant - David Havasi
Accountant - Jason Lacayo
Accountant - Jamie Laverdier
Accountant - Mark Ledbetter
Accountant - David Lowenstein
Accountant - Ira Mont
Accountant - Joseph Mooradian
Accountant - Patrick Mullaney
Accountant - Marcus Nance
Accountant - Nick Santa Maria
Accountant - Denton Tarver
Accountant - Patrick Wetzel
Accountant - Steve Wilson
Accountant - Kent Zimmerman
Girl with Pearls - Leanne Bowman
Girl with Pearls - Angie C. Creighton
Girl with Pearls - Jennifer Lee Crowl
Girl with Pearls - Holly Cruikshank
Girl with Pearls - Colleen Dunn
Girl with Pearls - Jenny Gruby Field
Girl with Pearls - Kimberly Jones
Girl with Pearls - Rhonda Kaufman
Girl with Pearls - Charley King
Girl with Pearls - Renee Klapmeyer
Girl with Pearls - Alison Levenberg
Girl with Pearls - Sarah Misiano
Girl with Pearls - Kandice Pelletier
Girl with Pearls - Katherine Marie Schwing
Girl with Pearls - Michele Utzig
Little Old Lady - Melanie Allen
Little Old Lady - Jane Altman
Little Old Lady - Piper Lindsay Arpan
Little Old Lady - Mary Ellen Ashley
Little Old Lady - Margery Beddow
Little Old Lady - Mimi Bensinger
Little Old Lady - Pam Bradley
Little Old Lady - Maureen Brennan
Little Old Lady - Jane Brockman
Little Old Lady - Barbara Broughton
Little Old Lady - Kimberly Calore
Little Old Lady - Alice Cannon
Little Old Lady - Warren Carlyle
Little Old Lady - Eileen Casey
Little Old Lady - Erin Crouch
Little Old Lady - Diane Findlay
Little Old Lady - Norma Fire
Little Old Lady - Sondra Gorney
Little Old Lady - James Gray
Little Old Lady - Ashley Amber Haas
Little Old Lady - James Hadley
Little Old Lady - Mary Ann Hannon
Little Old Lady - Marcia Haufrecht
Little Old Lady - Cynthia Leigh Heim
Little Old Lady - Kimberly Hester
Little Old Lady - Chris Holly
Little Old Lady - Stacey Todd Holt
Little Old Lady - Shauna Hoskin
Little Old Lady - Joan Jaffe
Little Old Lady - Nancy Johnston
Little Old Lady - Shari Jordan
Little Old Lady - Mary Looram
Little Old Lady - Dana Lorge
Little Old Lady - C.C. Loveheart
Little Old Lady - Melissa Rae Mahon
Little Old Lady - Patricia Mariano
Little Old Lady - Peter Marinos
Little Old Lady - Lucy Martin
Little Old Lady - Liz McKendry
Little Old Lady - Jeannine Moore
Little Old Lady - Francine Myles
Little Old Lady - Jan Neuberger
Little Old Lady - Denise Nolin
Little Old Lady - Sylvia Norman
Little Old Lady - Nancy Ozelli
Little Old Lady - Jessica Pariseau
Little Old Lady - Darcy Pulliam
Little Old Lady - Rita Rehn
Little Old Lady - Erika Rominger
Little Old Lady - Lisa St. Lou
Little Old Lady - Jason Patrick Sands
Little Old Lady - Joy Seligsohn
Little Old Lady - Letty Serra
Little Old Lady - Karen Shallo
Little Old Lady - Jessica Sheridan
Little Old Lady - Jennifer Smith
Little Old Lady - Tracy Terstriep
Little Old Lady - Cynthia Thole
Little Old Lady - Chryssie Whitehead
Little Old Lady - Jill Wolins
Little Old Lady - Courtney Young
Auditioner - Will Armstrong
Auditioner - Collin Baja
Auditioner - Seth Belliston
Auditioner - Scott Davidson
Auditioner - Gary Franco
Auditioner - Michael Jablonski
Auditioner - Terace Jones
Auditioner - Jim Kinney
Auditioner - Richie Mastascusa
Auditioner - Barry McNabb
Auditioner - Mark Myars
Auditioner - Wes Pope
Auditioner - Danny Rutigliano
Auditioner - John Salvatore
Auditioner - Marcos Santana
Auditioner - Chad Schiro
Auditioner - Courter Simmons
Auditioner - Robert Wersinger
Bavarian Peasant - Michael Goddard
Bavarian Peasant - Kelly Sullivan
Bavarian Peasant - Matthew J. Vargo
Showgirl - Angie Schworer
Tapping Brown Shirt - Jeremy Benton
Tapping Brown Shirt - Scott Fowler
Tapping Brown Shirt - Brad Musgrove
Stormtrooper - Eric Altheide
Stormtrooper - Robert Bartley
Stormtrooper - Joshua Bennett
Stormtrooper - Timothy Bish
Stormtrooper - Dan Bittner
Stormtrooper - Scott Blokker
Stormtrooper - Shane Braddock
Stormtrooper - Barry Brown
Stormtrooper - Mark Burrell
Stormtrooper - Jordan Cable
Stormtrooper - Matthew Cassaro
Stormtrooper - Todd Alan Crain
Stormtrooper - Michael Todd Curry
Stormtrooper - Wyatt Darling
Stormtrooper - Kip Driver
Stormtrooper - Charles Duff
Stormtrooper - Andrew Fitch
Stormtrooper - Ben Franklin
Stormtrooper - Derek M. Gatts
Stormtrooper - Michael Gillis
Stormtrooper - Aaron Hamilton
Stormtrooper - Brad Hampton
Stormtrooper - Jamie R. Harris
Stormtrooper - Bram Heidinger
Stormtrooper - Andy Kelso
Stormtrooper - Paul Lane
Stormtrooper - Brian J. Marcum
Stormtrooper - Matthew Morris
Stormtrooper - Patrick Holden O'Neill
Stormtrooper - Steve Parmenter
Stormtrooper - Adam Pelty
Stormtrooper - Jason Craig Poole
Stormtrooper - Josh Rhodes
Stormtrooper - Ed Roggenkamp
Stormtrooper - J. Brandon Savage
Stormtrooper - Jonathan Sexsmith
Stormtrooper - Jerry Sher
Stormtrooper - David Spangenthal
Stormtrooper - Jake Speck
Stormtrooper - Billy Sprague Jr.
Stormtrooper - Jonathan Stahl
Stormtrooper - Stephen Fletcher
Stormtrooper - Cameron Stevens
Stormtrooper - Jeremy J. Sullivan
Stormtrooper - Charlie Sutton
Stormtrooper - Sean van der Wilt
Stormtrooper - Tommy Walker
Stormtrooper - Matt Wall
Stormtrooper - John Wannen Jr.
Stormtrooper - Theis Weckesser
Stormtrooper - Nathan Williams
Stormtrooper - Sheridan Wright
Samba Band - Julio Agustin
Samba Band - Sebastian La Cause
Samba Band - J.C. Montgomery
Samba Band - Chris Vasquez
Convict - David Brown
Convict - Greg Butler
Convict - Jerry Ciauri
Convict - Teddy Coluca
Convict - Sean Johnson
Convict - Bobby Pestka
Convict - Al D. Rodriguez
Convict - Terry Schappert
Convict - Jim Tooey
Convict - Michael Tourek
Convict - Adam Zotovich
Prisoners of Love Dancer - Robert Armitage
Prisoners of Love Dancer - James Brown III
Prisoners of Love Dancer - Amy Hall
Prisoners of Love Dancer - Luke Longacre
Prisoners of Love Dancer - Barrett Martin
Prisoners of Love Dancer - Karl Warden
Prisoners of Love Dancer - Mindy Wild
Astor Bartender - Flint Beverage
Audience Member - Robert Bizik
Reporter - Randy Blair
Audience Member - Annie Cavalero
Prisoner - Bob DeVito
Ensemble - George Dvorsky
Ensemble - Hunter Foster
Opera Patron - Tony Galtieri
Ensemble - Francesca Harper
Ensemble - Daniel Herron
Cab Passenger - Rick Kain
Ensemble - Judy Kaye
Audience Member - Daniel Koenig
Audience Member - Eric Lombart
Prisoner of Love - Richard Lounello
Prison Guard - Pete Macnamara
First Nighter - Dominick Mancino
Theater Patron - Darrell Matlock
Ensemble - Sally Mayes
Courtroom Observer - Susan McBrien
Shubert Alley Man - David McDaniel
Courtroom Observer - Dolores McDougal
Wannabe Hitler - Cody Melton
Ensemble - Robert Montano
Outraged Theatre Patron - Josh Mowery
Ensemble - Bill Nolte
Ensemble - Nancy Opel
Audience Member - Nancy Otero
Ensemble - Marilyn Pasekoff
Sewer - Joe Rosario
Sign Builder - Luke Rosen
Convict #13 Louie - Paul Scannapieco
Audience Member - Jason B. Schmidt
Audience Member - Kevin Sebastian
Audience Member - Matt Semino
Broadway Patron - Kent Sladyk
Ensemble - Nell Snaidas
Outraged Theatre Patron - Frank Stellato
Audience Member - Sonny Vellozzi
Pretzel Vendor - Jay Brian Winnick
Audience Member - Cara Winter
Prison Extra - Cornell Womack
Adolph Pigeon - Victor Yerrid
Showgirl - Dianne Zaremba
Stage Manager - Steven Zweigbaum