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The Standups

Comedy's freshest voices take the stage in LA for six half-hour specials packed with sly jokes, hilarious anecdotes and awkward confessions.

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N/A

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Production

Adrina Produkties BV

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[laughter] - The Standups

Because they're always like,
"Man for woman." - The Standups

Because they're always like, "Man for woman."

[audience groans] - The Standups

[audience groans]

My friend gave me a Fitbit, - The Standups

My friend gave me a Fitbit,

When it comes to Hispanic food, - The Standups

When it comes to Hispanic food,

[laughter] - The Standups

I want a warm cookie and a story
about my dad when he was a boy." - The Standups

I want a warm cookie and a story about my dad when he was a ...

I am just so grateful that restaurants
are serving tater tots now. - The Standups

I am just so grateful that restaurants are serving tater tot...

If I don't hear a radio on
in the background, I don't want that shit. - The Standups

If I don't hear a radio on in the background, I don...

[audience laughs] - The Standups

[audience laughs]

It used to be, in order to get tater tots, - The Standups

It used to be, in order to get tater tots,

I resented him for it, because he knew.
He had to know that I was holding them in. - The Standups

I resented him for it, because he knew. He had to know that ...

[laughter] - The Standups

They're like,
"We're gonna use the back of our hand." - The Standups

They're like, "We're gonna use the back of ou...

You know when you hold them in
and they're like, "We're not coming out." - The Standups

You know when you hold them in and they're like, "...

That's why I don't fuck with Taco Bell,
there isn't a radio playing in the back. - The Standups

That's why I don't fuck with Taco Bell, there isn&...

When you're in your 30s, - The Standups

When you're in your 30s,

They're like, "What?" - The Standups

They're like, "What?"

"We're gonna use the back of our hand
on your most sensitive regions. - The Standups

"We're gonna use the back of our hand on your most...

[sings in Spanish] - The Standups

[sings in Spanish]

I'm just trying to see
whose birthday it is." - The Standups

I'm just trying to see whose birthday it is."

Now I'm just an older stoner,
I'm starting to talk like a pothead. - The Standups

Now I'm just an older stoner, I'm starting to talk...

[laughter] - The Standups

That way you know I don't like it." - The Standups

That way you know I don't like it."

They are like, - The Standups

Everyone looks at you.
They're like, "Whoa." - The Standups

Everyone looks at you. They're like, "Whoa."

He's coming round the other side,
I look him deep into the eyes - The Standups

He's coming round the other side, I look him deep into ...

They show you that video
when you're young, of potheads, - The Standups

They show you that video when you're young, of potheads...

I went to this bar one time. I was
the only black dude down there at the bar. - The Standups

I went to this bar one time. I was the only black dude down ...

My stomach's growling, I'm hungry." - The Standups

My stomach's growling, I'm hungry."

I got the waitress and shit.
I was like, "What's your drink special?" - The Standups

I got the waitress and shit. I was like, "What's y...

To be in an elementary school, yelling, - The Standups

To be in an elementary school, yelling,

She's like, "Why don't you
like any of my photos?" - The Standups

She's like, "Why don't you like any of my pho...

About a month ago, I witnessed
a car accident right in front of my face. - The Standups

About a month ago, I witnessed a car accident right in front...

Pretty sure
it was just a sucked up fart, but..." - The Standups

Pretty sure it was just a sucked up fart, but..."

"When we took it, I said,
'I like it.' I told you I liked it." - The Standups

"When we took it, I said, 'I like it.' I told...

I would fall asleep
and wake up to one of them. - The Standups

I would fall asleep and wake up to one of them.

There's not much more I can do
with this photo." - The Standups

There's not much more I can do with this photo."

I never heard of a watermelon mojito." - The Standups

I never heard of a watermelon mojito."

So I live out here in California
but I was raised in Ohio. And... - The Standups

So I live out here in California but I was raised in Ohio. A...

Sweet potato fries can go fuck themselves! - The Standups

Sweet potato fries can go fuck themselves!

First of all, I'd be like, "Who's
shuffling cards in my bed? Whoa!" - The Standups

First of all, I'd be like, "Who's shuffling c...

I am hungry." - The Standups

[audience member whoops] - The Standups

[audience member whoops]

We started dating when I was like, 21.
I'm 37 now. - The Standups

We started dating when I was like, 21. I'm 37 now.

The mattress shook, I'm like, "We need
to find a doorway. Where's my go-bag?" - The Standups

The mattress shook, I'm like, "We need to find a d...

I will set black people back ten years
if I order that." - The Standups

I will set black people back ten years if I order that."...

My mom raised me and my two
older sisters in Dayton, Ohio, - The Standups

My mom raised me and my two older sisters in Dayton, Ohio,

I still play video games, - The Standups

I still play video games,

So I don't even know what it feels like
to not have some lady be like, - The Standups

So I don't even know what it feels like to not have som...

Is there anything worse
than waking up to your own fart - The Standups

Is there anything worse than waking up to your own fart

The last time that I went home - The Standups

The last time that I went home

[laughter] - The Standups

"Excuse me, white woman. Can you order me
17 watermelon mojitos, please? - The Standups

"Excuse me, white woman. Can you order me 17 watermelon...

[audience laughs] - The Standups

[audience laughs]

[women cheer] - The Standups

I would rather wake up to someone breaking
into my house, literally, than that. - The Standups

I would rather wake up to someone breaking into my house, li...

So I was going home
to try and catch the baby, - The Standups

So I was going home to try and catch the baby,

A gold star, that's lingo for,
"I ain't never slept with no man." - The Standups

A gold star, that's lingo for, "I ain't never...

I don't want to go back and forth
with this bitch all night." - The Standups

I don't want to go back and forth with this bitch all n...

She's like, "You're 33.
You should stop playing video games." - The Standups

She's like, "You're 33. You should stop playi...

Because I woke up and I'd freeze, - The Standups

Because I woke up and I'd freeze,

And she has other kids
that are outside of her walking around. - The Standups

And she has other kids that are outside of her walking aroun...

And when you're married for a long time,
fighting is... It can happen... - The Standups

And when you're married for a long time, fighting is......

I've actually only touched a penis
once in my lifetime, - The Standups

I've actually only touched a penis once in my lifetime,

One of them is named Reed - The Standups

One of them is named Reed

"I just have a squeaky duvet,
that's a thing. Don't worry about it. - The Standups

"I just have a squeaky duvet, that's a thing. Don&...

You're gonna watch seven hours
of cat-faced women - The Standups

You're gonna watch seven hours of cat-faced women

[laughter] - The Standups

Smells like sewage. Don't overthink it." - The Standups

Smells like sewage. Don't overthink it."

Looked at my sister all pregnant
and he said to all of us, - The Standups

Looked at my sister all pregnant and he said to all of us,

Last Tuesday, I won a Super Bowl." - The Standups

Last Tuesday, I won a Super Bowl."

And so we have sedatives to give her, - The Standups

And so we have sedatives to give her,

But before he could answer,
he followed it with, - The Standups

But before he could answer, he followed it with,

We played Nintendo every day after school.
It was true love. - The Standups

We played Nintendo every day after school. It was true love.

[audience members whoop] - The Standups

[audience members whoop]

We would play Super Mario Brothers - The Standups

We would play Super Mario Brothers

No, sex farts
are way more convenient than sleep ones, - The Standups

No, sex farts are way more convenient than sleep ones,

[giggles nervously] - The Standups

[giggles nervously]

And because of him, - The Standups

And because of him,

Women can be in a relationship - The Standups

Women can be in a relationship

I had to wake her back up and
I was like, "These say they're expired." - The Standups

I had to wake her back up and I was like, "These say th...

If you saw something, say something." - The Standups

If you saw something, say something."

I don't think it's hot, but it's better.
It's got to be better, right? - The Standups

I don't think it's hot, but it's better. It&#...

The queef...
It's the lesser of two evil holes. - The Standups

The queef... It's the lesser of two evil holes.

Yeah, he wanted me to put the controller
down and give him a handy-J. - The Standups

Yeah, he wanted me to put the controller down and give him a...

The greatest thing about having a pussy
is you can blame your farts on it. - The Standups

The greatest thing about having a pussy is you can blame you...

All their commercials now are like,
"McDonalds. Now it's real." - The Standups

All their commercials now are like, "McDonalds. Now it&...

But I am scared
of having an ugly teenager. - The Standups

But I am scared of having an ugly teenager.

And I thought,
"Well, he scratched my back. - The Standups

And I thought, "Well, he scratched my back.

The Standups poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Comedy's freshest voices take the stage in LA for six half-hour specials packed with sly jokes, hilarious anecdotes and awkward confessions.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

Production: Adrina Produkties BV

Genre: comedy

Year: 2017

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 6.6

BoxOffice:

Released: 04 Jul 2017

Awards: N/A

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