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The VelociPastor

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

Director

Brendan Steere

Year

Genre

action, adventure, comedy

Box Office

N/A

Production

N/A

Awards

1 win & 2 nominations

Part of Collection

The Velocipastor Collection: The VelociPastor

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Doug Jones

Doug's Dad

George Schewnzer

Doug's Mom

Father Stewart

Chinese Villager

Hobo

Nicholas M. Garofolo

Carol

Alyssa Kempinski

Frankie Mermaid

Fernando Pacheco De Castro

Frankie's Heavy

Thug

Sam

Wei Chan

Altair

Aurelio Voltaire

War Buddy Ali

Vietnam Soldier

Vietnam Soldier

Adeline

Kathleen Steere

Surgeon

Douglas Saint James

Ninja

Ninja

Ninja

Ninja

Ninja

Ninja

Ninja

Ninja

Ninja

Dinosaur Suit Performer

View All Cast

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Explore 195 Clips

Father Stewart Carol Doug Jones Frankie Mermaid

- THIS IS THE GREATEST POINT WE CAN LEARN - The VelociPastor

- THIS IS THE GREATEST POINT WE CAN LEARN

THOUGH WE ALL SUFFER, - The VelociPastor

THOUGH WE ALL SUFFER,

MAY MY OPPONENT BE LIKE THE UNRIGHTEOUS. - The VelociPastor

MAY MY OPPONENT BE LIKE THE UNRIGHTEOUS.

(EXPLOSION) - The VelociPastor

IT'S WHAT PARENTS DO, THEY DIE ON YOU. - The VelociPastor

IT'S WHAT PARENTS DO, THEY DIE ON YOU.

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) - The VelociPastor

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

YOU SHOULD TRAVEL, DOUG,
DISCOVER HOW OTHERS LIVE. - The VelociPastor

YOU SHOULD TRAVEL, DOUG, DISCOVER HOW OTHERS LIVE.

IF YOU FIND HIM THERE, THEN
YOU'LL KNOW HE'S WITHIN YOU. - The VelociPastor

IF YOU FIND HIM THERE, THEN YOU'LL KNOW HE'S WITHI...

("EXTINCTION LOVE" BY FREE PARKING!) - The VelociPastor

("EXTINCTION LOVE" BY FREE PARKING!)

J” I MIGHT BE AN EVIL MAN,
BUT I DON'T MEAN IT ♪ - The VelociPastor

J” I MIGHT BE AN EVIL MAN, BUT I DON'T MEAN IT ♪

J" TURN INTO A DINOSAUR
AS IF I'M DREAMING J" - The VelociPastor

J" TURN INTO A DINOSAUR AS IF I'M DREAMING J"

(WHIMPERS) - The VelociPastor

(COUGHS) - The VelociPastor

SOMETHING STUCK ON THIS
ARTIFACT YOU OUT YOUR HAND WITH. - The VelociPastor

SOMETHING STUCK ON THIS ARTIFACT YOU OUT YOUR HAND WITH.

WHAT DID THAT CHINESE SAY, DRAGON WARRIOR? - The VelociPastor

WHAT DID THAT CHINESE SAY, DRAGON WARRIOR?

I'M SURE YOU'LL FORGET
ALL ABOUT CHINA SOON. - The VelociPastor

I'M SURE YOU'LL FORGET ALL ABOUT CHINA SOON.

(DOOR CLOSES) - The VelociPastor

(GROANS) - The VelociPastor

- PLEASE, IT'S FOR AN OLD MAN.
- NO, I TOOK THE VOW - The VelociPastor

- PLEASE, IT'S FOR AN OLD MAN. - NO, I TOOK THE VOW

- I'M LIT UP RIGHT AND HOT TO TRAP, - The VelociPastor

- I'M LIT UP RIGHT AND HOT TO TRAP,

(YELPS) - The VelociPastor

(MUMBLES) - The VelociPastor

- THAT'S RIGHT, MAMA, THE PARK. - The VelociPastor

- THAT'S RIGHT, MAMA, THE PARK.

'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE REAL MONEY'S AT, - The VelociPastor

'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE REAL MONEY'S AT,

Yo Cherry - The VelociPastor

IF YOU STUFFED DICKS IN YOUR MOUTH - The VelociPastor

IF YOU STUFFED DICKS IN YOUR MOUTH

- THEY DON'T GIVE ME THE
MONEY, I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY. - The VelociPastor

- THEY DON'T GIVE ME THE MONEY, I DON'T HAVE THE M...

- LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING. - The VelociPastor

- LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING.

LET ME BE FAIR IN SAYING THAT
THIS CAN NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. - The VelociPastor

LET ME BE FAIR IN SAYING THAT THIS CAN NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

HONESTLY, IT NEVER
SHOULD'VE HAPPENED AT ALL. - The VelociPastor

HONESTLY, IT NEVER SHOULD'VE HAPPENED AT ALL.

It was weird - The VelociPastor

I WAS VERY SCARED, I
THINK I EVEN PEED MYSELF. - The VelociPastor

I WAS VERY SCARED, I THINK I EVEN PEED MYSELF.

- AS I SAID, I'M A PRIEST,
SO WE CAN NEVER SA... - The VelociPastor

- AS I SAID, I'M A PRIEST, SO WE CAN NEVER SA...

- WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT? - The VelociPastor

- WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

- THE TIME YOU TURNED INTO
A DINOSAUR AND ATE SOMEONE. - The VelociPastor

- THE TIME YOU TURNED INTO A DINOSAUR AND ATE SOMEONE.

- I REMEMBER SOME SORT OF NIGHTMARE, - The VelociPastor

- I REMEMBER SOME SORT OF NIGHTMARE,

Dinosaurs never existed and even if they did - The VelociPastor

Dinosaurs never existed and even if they did

DINOSAURS NEVER EXISTED,
AND EVEN IF THEY DID, - The VelociPastor

DINOSAURS NEVER EXISTED, AND EVEN IF THEY DID,

429, 430, - The VelociPastor

- I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T
KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO! - The VelociPastor

- I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!

FIRSTLY, I'M A HOOKER AND I
DID NOT WANNA BE ARRESTED, - The VelociPastor

FIRSTLY, I'M A HOOKER AND I DID NOT WANNA BE ARRESTED,

You're a hooker - The VelociPastor

You're a hooker

- YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT SOUND STRANGE, - The VelociPastor

- YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT SOUND STRANGE,

- TOUCH NOT, THY SINNING HANDS, - The VelociPastor

- TOUCH NOT, THY SINNING HANDS,

THIS IS THE MOST PRIESTLY
THING THAT YOU'VE EVER DONE! - The VelociPastor

THIS IS THE MOST PRIESTLY THING THAT YOU'VE EVER DONE!

LOOK, YOU GUYS TALK ALL THE
TIME ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE. - The VelociPastor

LOOK, YOU GUYS TALK ALL THE TIME ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE.

THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE
FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE YOU CAN. - The VelociPastor

THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE YOU CAN.

EVERY DRUG-DEALING MURDERER - The VelociPastor

EVERY DRUG-DEALING MURDERER

EVERY RAPIST OR PEDOPHILE - The VelociPastor

EVERY RAPIST OR PEDOPHILE

YOU AND I BOTH KNOW - The VelociPastor

YOU AND I BOTH KNOW

LOOK, I KNOW A LOT OF BAD PEOPLE. - The VelociPastor

LOOK, I KNOW A LOT OF BAD PEOPLE.

YOU THINK I LIKE TURNING TRICKS TO PAY FOR COLLEGE - The VelociPastor

YOU THINK I LIKE TURNING TRICKS TO PAY FOR COLLEGE

(DOUG SOBS) - The VelociPastor

HELLO, MY CHILD, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN - The VelociPastor

HELLO, MY CHILD, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN

PADRE, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME, LET'S SEE. - The VelociPastor

PADRE, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME, LET'S SEE.

IT'S BEEN ABOUT TWO YEARS. - The VelociPastor

IT'S BEEN ABOUT TWO YEARS.

(COUGHS) - The VelociPastor

- LISTEN PADRE, FRANKIE
FUCKING MERMAID SMOKES - The VelociPastor

- LISTEN PADRE, FRANKIE FUCKING MERMAID SMOKES

What is it that you would like to confess - The VelociPastor

What is it that you would like to confess

- OH JEEZ, I GUESS WE COULD
COVER THE LAST FOUR DAYS. - The VelociPastor

- OH JEEZ, I GUESS WE COULD COVER THE LAST FOUR DAYS.

THEN I THREW THE BABY IN THE RIVER, - The VelociPastor

THEN I THREW THE BABY IN THE RIVER,

THEN I PIMP BITCHES, I DO DRUGS, - The VelociPastor

THEN I PIMP BITCHES, I DO DRUGS,

THEY TELL ME TO KILL
PEOPLE, SO I KILL PEOPLE, - The VelociPastor

THEY TELL ME TO KILL PEOPLE, SO I KILL PEOPLE,

OH SHIT, ACTUALLY, A COUPLE MONTHS AGO, - The VelociPastor

OH SHIT, ACTUALLY, A COUPLE MONTHS AGO,

(OMINOUS MUSIC) - The VelociPastor

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

KINDA GAVE ME A HARD-ON, PADRE, - The VelociPastor

KINDA GAVE ME A HARD-ON, PADRE,

- You...
- OH, ACTUALLY, - The VelociPastor

- You... - OH, ACTUALLY,

- YOU MURDERED MY PARENTS! - The VelociPastor

- YOU MURDERED MY PARENTS!

- IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS, HOW? - The VelociPastor

- IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS, HOW?

RULES, RIGHT, LIKE COMMANDMENTS, RIGHT? - The VelociPastor

RULES, RIGHT, LIKE COMMANDMENTS, RIGHT?

Now I don't know much about God - The VelociPastor

Now I don't know much about God

NOW I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT GOD. - The VelociPastor

NOW I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT GOD.

MY PARENTS, - The VelociPastor

TODAY. - The VelociPastor

I KNOW THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE - The VelociPastor

I KNOW THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE

- WHAT, YOU KILLED FRANKIE,
THE FRANKIE MERMAID? - The VelociPastor

- WHAT, YOU KILLED FRANKIE, THE FRANKIE MERMAID?

I WAS JUST SO ANGRY, AND
HE JUST KEPT BRAGGING. - The VelociPastor

I WAS JUST SO ANGRY, AND HE JUST KEPT BRAGGING.

("SPENCER REID" BY THE HOLY MESS) - The VelociPastor

("SPENCER REID" BY THE HOLY MESS)

J” MY LITTLE ARSONIST JUST
SET MY HEAD ON FIRE J” - The VelociPastor

J” MY LITTLE ARSONIST JUST SET MY HEAD ON FIRE J”

J” MY LITTLE ALCHEMIST,
YOU LEFT ME UNINSPIRED J” - The VelociPastor

J” MY LITTLE ALCHEMIST, YOU LEFT ME UNINSPIRED J”

WE'VE HAD RUMORS FROM THE UNDERGROUND - The VelociPastor

WE'VE HAD RUMORS FROM THE UNDERGROUND

THEY SAY HE CAN TAKE ON 10 MEN ATATIME. - The VelociPastor

THEY SAY HE CAN TAKE ON 10 MEN ATATIME.

- THAT IS THE WORD OF THE
PEOPLE, MASTER WEI CHAN. - The VelociPastor

- THAT IS THE WORD OF THE PEOPLE, MASTER WEI CHAN.

- DO NOT SPEAK OF MY CHRISTIAN IN HERE. - The VelociPastor

- DO NOT SPEAK OF MY CHRISTIAN IN HERE.

- WELL SIR, WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER
SHIPMENT OF COKE IN TOMORROW, - The VelociPastor

- WELL SIR, WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER SHIPMENT OF COKE IN TOMO...

YOU HAVEN'T MISSED A SUNDAY IN 16 YEARS, - The VelociPastor

YOU HAVEN'T MISSED A SUNDAY IN 16 YEARS,

- THEN AS YOUR MENTOR AND
YOUR FRIEND, IASK YOU, - The VelociPastor

- THEN AS YOUR MENTOR AND YOUR FRIEND, IASK YOU,

Father Stewart what if I told you - The VelociPastor

Father Stewart what if I told you

- FATHER STEWART, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU - The VelociPastor

- FATHER STEWART, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

I MEAN REALLY DIFFERENT. - The VelociPastor

I MEAN REALLY DIFFERENT.

The VelociPastor poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Brendan Steere

Writer: Brendan Steere

Production: N/A

Genre: action, adventure, comedy

Year: 2018

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.0

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 13 Aug 2019

Awards: 1 win & 2 nominations

Homepage:

The Velocipastor Collection: The VelociPastor

Also watch: Psycho Beach Party, Mystery Road, Alive, Hail Satan?, Flower, Voice from the Stone, Backcountry, Untraceable, But I'm a Cheerleader, Baby's Day Out, The Voices, Breakthrough