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Don't make that thing any harder for daddy to get into.
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Theo Von: No Offense

Don't make that thingany harder for daddy to get into." And now they have a hundred...

Don't make that thing
any harder for daddy to get into." And now they have a hundred machines
at the gym for women

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.379
Don't make that thing any harder for daddy to get into."
00:00:06.756 --> 00:00:09.801
And now they have a hundred machines at the gym for women.
Duration
11 seconds
Views
19
Timestamp in Movie
00:54:17
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
When I was young, they had four machines at the gym for ladies, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
When I was young, they had four machines at the gym for ladi...
"I'm gonna do chest and tris. Why don't you do that manicotti we love?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
"I'm gonna do chest and tris. Why don't you d...
A lot of relationships don't work anymore because opposites attract. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
A lot of relationships don't work anymore because oppos...
But if y'all are doing all the women's and men's stuff, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
But if y'all are doing all the women's and men...
I have on facial moisturizer right now. I don't know what's going on. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I have on facial moisturizer right now. I don't know wh...
You got women doin' dead lifts all day, wondering why they don't have a boyfriend. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
You got women doin' dead lifts all day, wondering why t...
I don't wanna hug a woman and come in second! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I don't wanna hug a woman and come in second!
You'll have a boyfriend in five minutes. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
You'll have a boyfriend in five minutes.
Women are always like, "You men look good into your sixties. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Women are always like, "You men look good into your six...
We start falling apart in our thirties." That's bullshit. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We start falling apart in our thirties." That's bu...
I'm in my 30s. My hip clicks for the first hour of every day. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I'm in my 30s. My hip clicks for the first hour of ever...
Just... [clicking] - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
Just... [clicking]
My body used to be separate parts. Remember that, guys? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
My body used to be separate parts. Remember that, guys?
When your shoulder was separate from this, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
When your shoulder was separate from this,
Now it's like I'm living in a fat-muscle onesie I can't find the zipper to. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Now it's like I'm living in a fat-muscle onesie I ...
"Do you like my arm-leg-backceps?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
"Do you like my arm-leg-backceps?"
Yeah, ladies, that means my head is dying. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Yeah, ladies, that means my head is dying.
And the first thousand gray hairs, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
And the first thousand gray hairs,
Like they're crack hairs, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
Like they're crack hairs,
Just comb me, homie." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
Just comb me, homie."