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Go home, urinate in your toilet
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Theo Von: No Offense

Go home, urinate in your toilet, and then get in there with it

Go home, urinate in your toilet, and then get in there with it

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.795
Go home, urinate in your toilet,
00:00:03.878 --> 00:00:05.964
and then get in there with it.
Duration
7 seconds
Views
44
Timestamp in Movie
00:21:34
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
"Ooh! Mississippi!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
"Ooh! Mississippi!"
They need to give it to the Palestinians and solve a damn world problem, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
They need to give it to the Palestinians and solve a damn wo...
I was there a month ago, I'm pumpin' gas at the gas station, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
I was there a month ago, I'm pumpin' gas at the ga...
We need to get Morgan Freeman out of there and then bomb that place. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We need to get Morgan Freeman out of there and then bomb tha...
Not with bombs, but somethin' that'll really scare 'em: books! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Not with bombs, but somethin' that'll really scare...
[shouting] "Algebra!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
[shouting] "Algebra!"
[sighs] - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
[sighs]
And I said I gotta meet a woman the old-fashioned way. People interaction. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And I said I gotta meet a woman the old-fashioned way. Peopl...
I said I'm gonna ask out the next woman that I see - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
I said I'm gonna ask out the next woman that I see
So I met a girl, she had a brown tooth. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
So I met a girl, she had a brown tooth.
I'm gonna see the rest of her, see what else the Lord has built - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
I'm gonna see the rest of her, see what else the Lord h...
I don't know her life. Maybe she got hit by something brown right in the tooth. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I don't know her life. Maybe she got hit by something b...
Maybe somebody had something brown and they threw it somewhere - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
Maybe somebody had something brown and they threw it somewhe...
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Her life." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" &quo...
You's a couple candies from being a jack-o'-lantern, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
You's a couple candies from being a jack-o'-lanter...
Get some vitamins in your system. Get your grill back on its feet." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
Get some vitamins in your system. Get your grill back on its...
A headless woman who just wears her hat on her neck stub and goes to the bank? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
A headless woman who just wears her hat on her neck stub and...
How am I supposed to be romantic with a headless woman? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
How am I supposed to be romantic with a headless woman?
We're at a nice restaurant, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We're at a nice restaurant,
And I ain't being gay, man. There's already too many gays out there. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And I ain't being gay, man. There's already too ma...