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Her eyes were just real far apart, you know
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Theo Von: No Offense

Her eyes were just real far apart,you know, like she wanted to be greedyand see everything

Her eyes were just real far apart,
you know, like she wanted to be greedy
and see everything

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.092
Her eyes were just real far apart, you know,
00:00:04.001 --> 00:00:06.964
like she wanted to be greedy and see everything.
Duration
8 seconds
Views
20
Timestamp in Movie
00:44:38
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
The last second, the Lord just went "tink" with one of her eyes. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
The last second, the Lord just went "tink" with on...
The whole time I'm talking to her, I don't know which eye to look into. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
The whole time I'm talking to her, I don't know wh...
I'll just look back and forth into each eye, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I'll just look back and forth into each eye,
Was your daddy a salmon?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:14
Was your daddy a salmon?"
Kill 'em!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
Kill 'em!"
Come on, Jannie, you're talking booty." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Come on, Jannie, you're talking booty."
Ladies, if your friend have strong breath, you have a responsibility. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Ladies, if your friend have strong breath, you have a respon...
Run by your friend, throw them at her face like that. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Run by your friend, throw them at her face like that.
Or be more secretive about it, like that. Okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Or be more secretive about it, like that. Okay?
Or get a syringe full of peppermint, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Or get a syringe full of peppermint,
Start at the roots, work your way up. Help each other out, ladies. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Start at the roots, work your way up. Help each other out, l...
This girl had a big head on her, too. She real, real, real extra-headed. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
This girl had a big head on her, too. She real, real, real e...
She was real extra-headed, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
She was real extra-headed,
Like the Lord had taken her regular head off - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
Like the Lord had taken her regular head off
Can't even lift his beautiful little bitty big-ass head. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Can't even lift his beautiful little bitty big-ass head...
He gotta learn to crawl side to side, around it. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
He gotta learn to crawl side to side, around it.
Don't hook somebody up with the same shit they already have. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Don't hook somebody up with the same shit they already ...
If you got a one-legged friend, don't hook him up with another one-legged friend. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
If you got a one-legged friend, don't hook him up with ...
They're just gonna lean against each other somewhere where it's level? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
They're just gonna lean against each other somewhere wh...
Fuck no, man! Two people need at least three legs! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Fuck no, man! Two people need at least three legs!