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I was dating this gal for a while, and she had a little cat
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Theo Von: No Offense

I was dating this gal for a while,and she had a little cat, would be always in the...

I was dating this gal for a while,
and she had a little cat, would be always in the kitchen
waiting for free meats and shit

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.961
I was dating this gal for a while, and she had a little cat,
00:00:04.045 --> 00:00:07.173
would be always in the kitchen waiting for free meats and shit.
Duration
8 seconds
Views
15
Timestamp in Movie
00:59:04
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
And I'd be back in the room, just going at it, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
And I'd be back in the room, just going at it,
That's the pussy that's really gonna get it here tonight. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
That's the pussy that's really gonna get it here t...
That little asshole." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
That little asshole."
I gotta get a girlfriend first, but... I think I want a child. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I gotta get a girlfriend first, but... I think I want a chil...
But a lot of these kids are bitches these days, man, you know? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
But a lot of these kids are bitches these days, man, you kno...
If they had a tall box right here with a kid in it, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
If they had a tall box right here with a kid in it,
We had struggle, these kids have vaccinations. Come on. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We had struggle, these kids have vaccinations. Come on.
Rubella, lockjaw, we all had a little bit of polio, remember? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Rubella, lockjaw, we all had a little bit of polio, remember...
I had a friend who had a fuckin' arm growing out of his back, Larry Armback. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I had a friend who had a fuckin' arm growing out of his...
He could have been an Olympic swimmer, but he had a skin condition. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
He could have been an Olympic swimmer, but he had a skin con...
You can put 20 arms on a brother, he ain't gonna wanna get in the deep end. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
You can put 20 arms on a brother, he ain't gonna wanna ...
What? Back in the day if you called the cops on your parents, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
What? Back in the day if you called the cops on your parents...
My mother used to whoop my ass. I didn't think she lived with us. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
My mother used to whoop my ass. I didn't think she live...
She whooped me so bad one time, I couldn't put clothes on my skin. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
She whooped me so bad one time, I couldn't put clothes ...
My buddy's like, "You're naked!" I'm like, "But I'm behavin'! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
My buddy's like, "You're naked!" I'...
One of them hatches something, now I got to raise that. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
One of them hatches something, now I got to raise that.
I can't imagine my whole life just hugging some kid, pretending he ain't dumb, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I can't imagine my whole life just hugging some kid, pr...
If you don't graduate high school, you shouldn't get to have a kid. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
If you don't graduate high school, you shouldn't g...
How you gonna raise a kid? You couldn't raise a "F" to a "D." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
How you gonna raise a kid? You couldn't raise a "F...
We keep slipping off the turtleneck, we need to take the nuts. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We keep slipping off the turtleneck, we need to take the nut...