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I don't even know if Brad Pitt even walks anymore
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Theo Von: No Offense

I don't even knowif Brad Pitt even walks anymore, or if there's an agreement nowbetween...

I don't even know
if Brad Pitt even walks anymore, or if there's an agreement now
between gravity and Mother Nature and the grace of God, where they just amicably move
little Bradley wherever he needs to go

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.378
I don't even know if Brad Pitt even walks anymore,
00:00:03.461 --> 00:00:06.631
or if there's an agreement now between gravity and Mother Nature
00:00:06.715 --> 00:00:08.132
and the grace of God,
00:00:08.216 --> 00:00:11.678
where they just amicably move little Bradley wherever he needs to go.
Duration
13 seconds
Views
17
Timestamp in Movie
00:35:46
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
Like, God has a chessboard with one piece and it's Brad-fucking-Pitt. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Like, God has a chessboard with one piece and it's Brad...
We're both going to the same building, I'm looking at him, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:15
We're both going to the same building, I'm looking...
I don't know what to do now, 'cause they don't teach you what to do - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I don't know what to do now, 'cause they don'...
If you're on fire, little buddy, stop, drop and roll. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
If you're on fire, little buddy, stop, drop and roll.
If you're going to argue with a short man, don't argue with him in a prone position. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
If you're going to argue with a short man, don't a...
Argue with him like this and be ready for his little actions. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Argue with him like this and be ready for his little actions...
But they don't teach you how to meet Brad-frikking-Pitt - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
But they don't teach you how to meet Brad-frikking-Pitt
We're going to the same building, me and the only Brad Pitt God ever made. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We're going to the same building, me and the only Brad ...
And he was wearing-- He was wearing everything. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
And he was wearing-- He was wearing everything.
Animals we've never even seen, like, Chimpanebras and alapacakeets. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Animals we've never even seen, like, Chimpanebras and a...
And he had Lorax coming off his shoulders, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
And he had Lorax coming off his shoulders,
We get to the front of this building at the same moment, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
We get to the front of this building at the same moment,
Usually, you would just open the other door, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
Usually, you would just open the other door,
And Brad Pitt is standing right here. The only one that God has. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And Brad Pitt is standing right here. The only one that God ...
And you can feel him when he's standing somewhere - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
And you can feel him when he's standing somewhere
So, I'm pulling on this door and he goes, "You got it, man?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
So, I'm pulling on this door and he goes, "You got...
If you ever looked right at him up close, it's like staring directly into the sun, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
If you ever looked right at him up close, it's like sta...
I look back at him like this and I say, "I got it, man." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I look back at him like this and I say, "I got it, man....
[stuttering] - Theo Von: No Offense 00:24
[stuttering]
I gotta open door number two, but I don't want this interaction to end. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
I gotta open door number two, but I don't want this int...