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I just hate it. I just don't
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Theo Von: No Offense

I just hate it. I just don't-- I can't believe it, man

I just hate it. I just don't-- I can't believe it, man

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.835
I just hate it. I just don't--
00:00:03.794 --> 00:00:06.046
I can't believe it, man.
Duration
7 seconds
Views
22
Timestamp in Movie
00:19:28
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
Can you believe we're still fartin'? We're farters. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Can you believe we're still fartin'? We're fa...
We think we know somethin'? We're farters. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
We think we know somethin'? We're farters.
We have air flyin' out of our ass when it wants to. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We have air flyin' out of our ass when it wants to.
I have an app on my phone that can take my blood pressure, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
I have an app on my phone that can take my blood pressure,
If Apple would spend a half hour on our sphincters, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
If Apple would spend a half hour on our sphincters,
It's like your booty trying to tell everybody all your secrets. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
It's like your booty trying to tell everybody all your ...
It's like, "Don't smell that, you'll know everything!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:18
It's like, "Don't smell that, you'll kno...
Then somebody comes in the room 'cause they wanna "tell you somethin'." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:19
Then somebody comes in the room 'cause they wanna "...
Let's go talk by the wall. We never do that! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Let's go talk by the wall. We never do that!
Let's chat outside. It's raining? Who cares! We're young!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
Let's chat outside. It's raining? Who cares! We�...
Probably somebody from Mississippi, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Probably somebody from Mississippi, okay?
I don't know if you guys have ever been to Mississippi or not. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
I don't know if you guys have ever been to Mississippi ...
If you haven't, let me save you a little bit of travel cash, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
If you haven't, let me save you a little bit of travel ...
Go home, urinate in your toilet, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Go home, urinate in your toilet,
"Ooh! Mississippi!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
"Ooh! Mississippi!"
They need to give it to the Palestinians and solve a damn world problem, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
They need to give it to the Palestinians and solve a damn wo...
I was there a month ago, I'm pumpin' gas at the gas station, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
I was there a month ago, I'm pumpin' gas at the ga...
We need to get Morgan Freeman out of there and then bomb that place. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We need to get Morgan Freeman out of there and then bomb tha...
Not with bombs, but somethin' that'll really scare 'em: books! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Not with bombs, but somethin' that'll really scare...
[shouting] "Algebra!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
[shouting] "Algebra!"