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Theo Von: No Offense

I'm like, "Oh, man,I could've met this bitch myself." She was busted-looking, okay?No...

I'm like, "Oh, man,
I could've met this bitch myself." She was busted-looking, okay?
No offense if you're ugly

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:05.045
I'm like, "Oh, man, I could've met this bitch myself."
00:00:06.255 --> 00:00:09.008
She was busted-looking, okay? No offense if you're ugly.
Duration
11 seconds
Views
24
Timestamp in Movie
00:42:28
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
She been on a new TV show called Bear Beatings. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:19
She been on a new TV show called Bear Beatings.
I look like Patrick Swayze and Shrek had a son. Okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I look like Patrick Swayze and Shrek had a son. Okay?
♪ You're a mean one, Jason Bourne ♪ - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
♪ You're a mean one, Jason Bourne ♪
I can make that joke 'cause I actually beat Down Syndrome in 1991. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
I can make that joke 'cause I actually beat Down Syndro...
Amen. That's where I'm from, dude. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Amen. That's where I'm from, dude.
I'm from a neighborhood where if you had a handicap, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
I'm from a neighborhood where if you had a handicap,
Toughest kid I've ever known was this boy named Dairy, named after the food group. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Toughest kid I've ever known was this boy named Dairy, ...
He had Down Syndrome, wore a Scottie Pippen jersey - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
He had Down Syndrome, wore a Scottie Pippen jersey
Pop-pop!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
Pop-pop!"
There ain't much you can do when you got a DS fella - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
There ain't much you can do when you got a DS fella
What was I talking about? Oh, the girl on the date. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
What was I talking about? Oh, the girl on the date.
I'm old-fashioned, I like more of a localized face. You know, just... - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I'm old-fashioned, I like more of a localized face. You...
Just holdin' a little meetin' by your nose, you know. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Just holdin' a little meetin' by your nose, you kn...
Her eyes were just real far apart, you know, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
Her eyes were just real far apart, you know,
The last second, the Lord just went "tink" with one of her eyes. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
The last second, the Lord just went "tink" with on...
The whole time I'm talking to her, I don't know which eye to look into. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
The whole time I'm talking to her, I don't know wh...
I'll just look back and forth into each eye, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I'll just look back and forth into each eye,
Was your daddy a salmon?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:14
Was your daddy a salmon?"
Kill 'em!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
Kill 'em!"
Come on, Jannie, you're talking booty." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Come on, Jannie, you're talking booty."