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Like once you sit down, you can't even get up
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Theo Von: No Offense

Like once you sit down,you can't even get up

Like once you sit down,
you can't even get up

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.212
Like once you sit down, you can't even get up.
Duration
5 seconds
Views
46
Timestamp in Movie
00:08:47
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
"Guess we're staying for lunch. I'm trapped!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
"Guess we're staying for lunch. I'm trapped!&...
Or they just have like a special mirror, and if you look like shit... - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Or they just have like a special mirror, and if you look lik...
But you gotta wear a hat, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
But you gotta wear a hat,
"Put on your hat, shitty. Waffle up." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
"Put on your hat, shitty. Waffle up."
Shave your ladies before you put them on the dance floor. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Shave your ladies before you put them on the dance floor.
"Meow! Meow! Meow-come to Denny's! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
"Meow! Meow! Meow-come to Denny's!
[cat sounds] - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
[cat sounds]
I just gave birth to a bunch of babies in a cardboard box in the kitchen. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I just gave birth to a bunch of babies in a cardboard box in...
And we's all out of milk." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And we's all out of milk."
This me every time I leave Denny's. "Man, fuck this place, man." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
This me every time I leave Denny's. "Man, fuck thi...
In case there's a drive-by, I go down with this shithole. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
In case there's a drive-by, I go down with this shithol...
Thank you." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Thank you."
Oh, I don't know why it just makes me so mad. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Oh, I don't know why it just makes me so mad.
I gotta quit going, man. I'm gonna quit. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
I gotta quit going, man. I'm gonna quit.
I used to go a lot 'cause my ex-girlfriend lived by a Denny's, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I used to go a lot 'cause my ex-girlfriend lived by a D...
And so, I used to go there and use the shitters, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
And so, I used to go there and use the shitters,
I'll shit outside, son, like one of God's boys. Turn up. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
I'll shit outside, son, like one of God's boys. Tu...
No offense, hos. Just trying to meet a good lady. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
No offense, hos. Just trying to meet a good lady.
It's tough, you gotta have money these days to get a woman. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
It's tough, you gotta have money these days to get a wo...
You get done banging, you're just laying there all poor. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
You get done banging, you're just laying there all poor...