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Nobody touchin' little Ch-Ch-Charlie's ass
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Theo Von: No Offense

Nobody touchin'little Ch-Ch-Charlie's ass

Nobody touchin'
little Ch-Ch-Charlie's ass

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.067
Nobody touchin' little Ch-Ch-Charlie's ass.
Duration
6 seconds
Views
67
Timestamp in Movie
00:05:28
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
Save your money, give it to your boy in a lump sum when he's 18. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Save your money, give it to your boy in a lump sum when he&#...
Let himself G'd out when he's out of the danger zone. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Let himself G'd out when he's out of the danger zo...
Good to be home, man, I was born about eight blocks from here, bro. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Good to be home, man, I was born about eight blocks from her...
So it's nice, man. I had an interesting family growing up. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
So it's nice, man. I had an interesting family growing ...
It was kinda cool growin' up with a dad in his 70's, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
It was kinda cool growin' up with a dad in his 70'...
We used to play games like catch or don't. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We used to play games like catch or don't.
And my favorite: "Is Dad sleeping, or is he no longer with us?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:16
And my favorite: "Is Dad sleeping, or is he no longer w...
And the kids at school would be like, "Well, my dad could beat up your dad." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
And the kids at school would be like, "Well, my dad cou...
But my dad used to bang your grandmother. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
But my dad used to bang your grandmother.
Back before they had protection, when all you wore was hope. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Back before they had protection, when all you wore was hope.
"You got any condoms?" "No, but I got this here." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
"You got any condoms?" "No, but I got this he...
And my friends are like, "Theo, you shouldn't make fun of your conception. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And my friends are like, "Theo, you shouldn't make...
You should be happy you were born. You were that lucky sperm." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
You should be happy you were born. You were that lucky sperm...
I shot out of a 70-year-old cannon, bro." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I shot out of a 70-year-old cannon, bro."
I had to shut down the nuts. I had to close all the windows, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I had to shut down the nuts. I had to close all the windows,
On the way out, I passed a skeleton of a sperm - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
On the way out, I passed a skeleton of a sperm
That's not an orgasm. That's musket fire. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
That's not an orgasm. That's musket fire.
So when I say I'm happy to be somewhere, I'm just happy to be. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
So when I say I'm happy to be somewhere, I'm just ...
Except at Denny's. They a bunch of child molesters over there. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Except at Denny's. They a bunch of child molesters over...
I wish people would quit shootin' up movie theaters - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I wish people would quit shootin' up movie theaters