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Theo Von: No Offense

Like people are beating himwith soft cold dicks, but nobody's beating himwith soft cold...

[shivering] Like people are beating him
with soft cold dicks, but nobody's beating him
with soft cold dicks!

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.962
[shivering]
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Like people are beating him with soft cold dicks,
00:00:10.093 --> 00:00:12.512
but nobody's beating him with soft cold dicks!
Duration
14 seconds
Views
20
Timestamp in Movie
00:28:46
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
And he's got on Daisy Dukes, but more Daisy than Duke. Okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And he's got on Daisy Dukes, but more Daisy than Duke. ...
And he's got bright white legs, like, Boo-Radley white, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
And he's got bright white legs, like, Boo-Radley white,
He looks like a premature baby somebody stretched up real tall - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
He looks like a premature baby somebody stretched up real ta...
Like, in the morning he was down like this in a little pile. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Like, in the morning he was down like this in a little pile.
And then he just... [inhales] - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
And then he just... [inhales]
Like, come on, bro. That's super gay, right? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Like, come on, bro. That's super gay, right?
What if I went around just being super fucking straight all day? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
What if I went around just being super fucking straight all ...
I just woke up and started throwing footballs at hot bitches all day long. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I just woke up and started throwing footballs at hot bitches...
Or eating raw meat and shitting in race cars? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Or eating raw meat and shitting in race cars?
But bro-bro's doing BYO Easter, and I gotta act like everything is normal? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
But bro-bro's doing BYO Easter, and I gotta act like ev...
'Cause we've all been a little gay, bro. You've been there? Just nod. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
'Cause we've all been a little gay, bro. You'...
I've been gay, bro. I'll tell you about it, man. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
I've been gay, bro. I'll tell you about it, man.
I grew up in a small town called Covington, Louisiana, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I grew up in a small town called Covington, Louisiana,
True story. Pistol Pete Maravich lived and died in our town. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
True story. Pistol Pete Maravich lived and died in our town.
Tulane University had their primate testing facility center in town, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
Tulane University had their primate testing facility center ...
So what the fuck have you done with your life? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
So what the fuck have you done with your life?
Until you and 11 kids you barely know in wet bathing suits - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
Until you and 11 kids you barely know in wet bathing suits
But that's not the gay part of the story, is it, conclusion-jumpers? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
But that's not the gay part of the story, is it, conclu...
She looked like a boy because they only had one haircut in our town - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
She looked like a boy because they only had one haircut in o...
On the third Thursday of the month, he would park the bus on the way home. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
On the third Thursday of the month, he would park the bus on...