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Theo Von: No Offense

So then I decidedI gotta get off the Interwebs

[sighs] So then I decided
I gotta get off the Interwebs

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:01.096
[sighs]
00:00:02.043 --> 00:00:04.921
So then I decided I gotta get off the Interwebs.
Duration
6 seconds
Views
18
Timestamp in Movie
00:22:41
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
And I said I gotta meet a woman the old-fashioned way. People interaction. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And I said I gotta meet a woman the old-fashioned way. Peopl...
I said I'm gonna ask out the next woman that I see - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
I said I'm gonna ask out the next woman that I see
So I met a girl, she had a brown tooth. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
So I met a girl, she had a brown tooth.
I'm gonna see the rest of her, see what else the Lord has built - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
I'm gonna see the rest of her, see what else the Lord h...
I don't know her life. Maybe she got hit by something brown right in the tooth. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I don't know her life. Maybe she got hit by something b...
Maybe somebody had something brown and they threw it somewhere - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
Maybe somebody had something brown and they threw it somewhe...
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Her life." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" &quo...
You's a couple candies from being a jack-o'-lantern, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
You's a couple candies from being a jack-o'-lanter...
Get some vitamins in your system. Get your grill back on its feet." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
Get some vitamins in your system. Get your grill back on its...
A headless woman who just wears her hat on her neck stub and goes to the bank? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
A headless woman who just wears her hat on her neck stub and...
How am I supposed to be romantic with a headless woman? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
How am I supposed to be romantic with a headless woman?
We're at a nice restaurant, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We're at a nice restaurant,
And I ain't being gay, man. There's already too many gays out there. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And I ain't being gay, man. There's already too ma...
-[man] A hundred million. -No, not a hundred million. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
-[man] A hundred million. -No, not a hundred million.
Bro, they would be-- They'd be under everything, man. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Bro, they would be-- They'd be under everything, man.
Bro, no. Not a hundred million. Maybe eighty thousand. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Bro, no. Not a hundred million. Maybe eighty thousand.
Yeah. Probably gettin' a bunch of Chinese gays soon. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Yeah. Probably gettin' a bunch of Chinese gays soon.
And here's the kicker. Science still thinks one monkey did this. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
And here's the kicker. Science still thinks one monkey ...
Uh, hello, science. Couple of monkey's did this, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Uh, hello, science. Couple of monkey's did this, okay?
I mean, I'll probably suck a little dick at about 80. Know what I'm saying, bro? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I mean, I'll probably suck a little dick at about 80. K...