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We used to play games like catch or don't
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Theo Von: No Offense

We used to play games like catch or don't

We used to play games like catch or don't

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.503
We used to play games like catch or don't.
Duration
6 seconds
Views
16
Timestamp in Movie
00:06:24
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
And my favorite: "Is Dad sleeping, or is he no longer with us?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:16
And my favorite: "Is Dad sleeping, or is he no longer w...
And the kids at school would be like, "Well, my dad could beat up your dad." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
And the kids at school would be like, "Well, my dad cou...
But my dad used to bang your grandmother. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
But my dad used to bang your grandmother.
Back before they had protection, when all you wore was hope. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Back before they had protection, when all you wore was hope.
"You got any condoms?" "No, but I got this here." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
"You got any condoms?" "No, but I got this he...
And my friends are like, "Theo, you shouldn't make fun of your conception. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And my friends are like, "Theo, you shouldn't make...
You should be happy you were born. You were that lucky sperm." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
You should be happy you were born. You were that lucky sperm...
I shot out of a 70-year-old cannon, bro." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I shot out of a 70-year-old cannon, bro."
I had to shut down the nuts. I had to close all the windows, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I had to shut down the nuts. I had to close all the windows,
On the way out, I passed a skeleton of a sperm - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
On the way out, I passed a skeleton of a sperm
That's not an orgasm. That's musket fire. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
That's not an orgasm. That's musket fire.
So when I say I'm happy to be somewhere, I'm just happy to be. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
So when I say I'm happy to be somewhere, I'm just ...
Except at Denny's. They a bunch of child molesters over there. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Except at Denny's. They a bunch of child molesters over...
I wish people would quit shootin' up movie theaters - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I wish people would quit shootin' up movie theaters
'Cause if you get gunned up at a Denny's, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
'Cause if you get gunned up at a Denny's,
Have some respect and take your family to IHOP like a real man. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Have some respect and take your family to IHOP like a real m...
Denny's suck. Everything at Denny's tastes like eggs and onions. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Denny's suck. Everything at Denny's tastes like eg...
The air, the pie, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
The air, the pie,
What do they clean the tables with? Syrup? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
What do they clean the tables with? Syrup?
Like once you sit down, you can't even get up. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Like once you sit down, you can't even get up.