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Where were you?
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Theo Von: No Offense

Where were you?" He's like,"I don't know if you're gay or not, but you're the dumbest...

Where were you?" He's like,
"I don't know if you're gay or not, but you're the dumbest person
I've ever met in my life." Then he beat my ass, actually

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.668
Where were you?"
00:00:02.751 --> 00:00:05.046
He's like, "I don't know if you're gay or not,
00:00:05.129 --> 00:00:08.382
but you're the dumbest person I've ever met in my life."
00:00:08.465 --> 00:00:10.968
Then he beat my ass, actually.
Duration
12 seconds
Views
23
Timestamp in Movie
00:33:00
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
But here's the wild part of that story. Here's where the Lord really steps in. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
But here's the wild part of that story. Here's whe...
He died. He died. He died. [repeats] - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
He died. He died. He died. [repeats]
He died in a car accident. He died of natural causes by a car. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
He died in a car accident. He died of natural causes by a ca...
Thinking or not thinking about something, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Thinking or not thinking about something,
Because I'll just be sitting there doing nothing, or maybe doing something. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Because I'll just be sitting there doing nothing, or ma...
Like he trying to get something. Like he wants a candy. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Like he trying to get something. Like he wants a candy.
'Cause I wouldn't be reaching for no candies - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
'Cause I wouldn't be reaching for no candies
It's like he's reaching for a candy, like, he trying to get a butterscotch. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
It's like he's reaching for a candy, like, he tryi...
The second time I was gay was when I met Brad Pitt. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
The second time I was gay was when I met Brad Pitt.
'Cause Brad only lives on beautiful days. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
'Cause Brad only lives on beautiful days.
And I'm walking. I'm going to an audition on the Fox lot in Los Angeles. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And I'm walking. I'm going to an audition on the F...
Probably for a big movie like League of their Own II or something heavy. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Probably for a big movie like League of their Own II or some...
The rays are just coming down and just touching me on my neck and hair. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
The rays are just coming down and just touching me on my nec...
Like the Lord just petting me, letting me know I'm still his boy. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Like the Lord just petting me, letting me know I'm stil...
I say a man, but I'm talking about the most beautiful woman - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
I say a man, but I'm talking about the most beautiful w...
Poseidon had been raising a secret little baby boy down in the ocean. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Poseidon had been raising a secret little baby boy down in t...
And when that boy was full grown, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And when that boy was full grown,
You live out there now." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
You live out there now."
So, I'm walking and he's walking, we're both going to the same building. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
So, I'm walking and he's walking, we're both ...
I don't even know if Brad Pitt even walks anymore, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
I don't even know if Brad Pitt even walks anymore,