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Theo Von: No Offense

"You men are stretching and don'teven know each other's names!

"You men are stretching and don't
even know each other's names!

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.211
"You men are stretching and don't even know each other's names!
Duration
5 seconds
Views
24
Timestamp in Movie
00:18:15
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
Then they have some guy who works in the yoga studio. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Then they have some guy who works in the yoga studio.
He looks like he got fired from a Renaissance fair. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
He looks like he got fired from a Renaissance fair.
He's like, "You're doing a great job." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
He's like, "You're doing a great job."
Don't make me make this one of 'em." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
Don't make me make this one of 'em."
It's called "Simon Says Don't Fart." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
It's called "Simon Says Don't Fart."
It lasts three minutes. Every man farts, admits to it, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
It lasts three minutes. Every man farts, admits to it,
I just hate it. I just don't-- - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I just hate it. I just don't--
Can you believe we're still fartin'? We're farters. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Can you believe we're still fartin'? We're fa...
We think we know somethin'? We're farters. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
We think we know somethin'? We're farters.
We have air flyin' out of our ass when it wants to. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We have air flyin' out of our ass when it wants to.
I have an app on my phone that can take my blood pressure, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
I have an app on my phone that can take my blood pressure,
If Apple would spend a half hour on our sphincters, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
If Apple would spend a half hour on our sphincters,
It's like your booty trying to tell everybody all your secrets. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
It's like your booty trying to tell everybody all your ...
It's like, "Don't smell that, you'll know everything!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:18
It's like, "Don't smell that, you'll kno...
Then somebody comes in the room 'cause they wanna "tell you somethin'." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:19
Then somebody comes in the room 'cause they wanna "...
Let's go talk by the wall. We never do that! - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Let's go talk by the wall. We never do that!
Let's chat outside. It's raining? Who cares! We're young!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
Let's chat outside. It's raining? Who cares! We�...
Probably somebody from Mississippi, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Probably somebody from Mississippi, okay?
I don't know if you guys have ever been to Mississippi or not. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
I don't know if you guys have ever been to Mississippi ...
If you haven't, let me save you a little bit of travel cash, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
If you haven't, let me save you a little bit of travel ...