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Theo Von: No Offense

"You quit shaking, Daisy,that's just a storm coming, you see

"You quit shaking, Daisy,
that's just a storm coming, you see

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.628
"You quit shaking, Daisy, that's just a storm coming, you see.
Duration
6 seconds
Views
20
Timestamp in Movie
00:50:55
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
You just keep growing your wool out, my little mitten-maker. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
You just keep growing your wool out, my little mitten-maker.
Don't you want more of daddy's Apple Jacks, my little lady angel?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
Don't you want more of daddy's Apple Jacks, my lit...
And then I said, "Are you on birth control?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
And then I said, "Are you on birth control?"
Kind of felt like my heart had to take a shit. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Kind of felt like my heart had to take a shit.
And then I was like, "If you had a baby, would you keep it, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
And then I was like, "If you had a baby, would you keep...
And she goes, "Actually, I can't conceive." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
And she goes, "Actually, I can't conceive."
Just cheap shit she had on the walls, like pictures of her family at the beach. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Just cheap shit she had on the walls, like pictures of her f...
She's like, "Calm down, it's real sad. I've had two miscarriages." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
She's like, "Calm down, it's real sad. I'...
You say things you shouldn't say, 'cause the words go from your brain - Theo Von: No Offense 00:08
You say things you shouldn't say, 'cause the words...
I feel lucky my penis lived after it was in there." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I feel lucky my penis lived after it was in there."
I don't know how old some of you are, but maybe the 1800s or whatever. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I don't know how old some of you are, but maybe the 180...
Back then, you just walked out of your house, if you were a man, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
Back then, you just walked out of your house, if you were a ...
She's like, "Where are we going?" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
She's like, "Where are we going?"
And I'm not saying it was perfect, I'm just saying that it worked. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And I'm not saying it was perfect, I'm just saying...
I don't think it was ideal for anybody, but the kids were fat, the cat was fed. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
I don't think it was ideal for anybody, but the kids we...
You got home, your wife was there with the mail, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
You got home, your wife was there with the mail,
And then women started wanting to do everything. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And then women started wanting to do everything.
"We wanna chew gum, we wanna wear hats, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:12
"We wanna chew gum, we wanna wear hats,
Y'all are doing chin-ups in an abandoned shed all morning? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Y'all are doing chin-ups in an abandoned shed all morni...
Don't make that thing any harder for daddy to get into." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:11
Don't make that thing any harder for daddy to get into....