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You's a couple candies from being a jack-o'-lantern
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Theo Von: No Offense

You's a couple candiesfrom being a jack-o'-lantern, you little sugar hooker

You's a couple candies
from being a jack-o'-lantern, you little sugar hooker

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.169
You's a couple candies from being a jack-o'-lantern,
00:00:04.253 --> 00:00:05.063
you little sugar hooker.
Duration
7 seconds
Views
20
Timestamp in Movie
00:23:53
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Known for always saying the unexpected and telling it like it is, even at the expense of offending, Louisiana comedian Theo Von returns home to film his first stand-up comedy special for Netflix at the Civic Theater in New Orleans.
Get some vitamins in your system. Get your grill back on its feet." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:13
Get some vitamins in your system. Get your grill back on its...
A headless woman who just wears her hat on her neck stub and goes to the bank? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
A headless woman who just wears her hat on her neck stub and...
How am I supposed to be romantic with a headless woman? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
How am I supposed to be romantic with a headless woman?
We're at a nice restaurant, - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
We're at a nice restaurant,
And I ain't being gay, man. There's already too many gays out there. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
And I ain't being gay, man. There's already too ma...
-[man] A hundred million. -No, not a hundred million. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
-[man] A hundred million. -No, not a hundred million.
Bro, they would be-- They'd be under everything, man. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Bro, they would be-- They'd be under everything, man.
Bro, no. Not a hundred million. Maybe eighty thousand. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Bro, no. Not a hundred million. Maybe eighty thousand.
Yeah. Probably gettin' a bunch of Chinese gays soon. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Yeah. Probably gettin' a bunch of Chinese gays soon.
And here's the kicker. Science still thinks one monkey did this. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
And here's the kicker. Science still thinks one monkey ...
Uh, hello, science. Couple of monkey's did this, okay? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
Uh, hello, science. Couple of monkey's did this, okay?
I mean, I'll probably suck a little dick at about 80. Know what I'm saying, bro? - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
I mean, I'll probably suck a little dick at about 80. K...
You're not doing nothing at 80, just sitting by the window. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
You're not doing nothing at 80, just sitting by the win...
Pop-Pop's here, put him by the window!" - Theo Von: No Offense 00:07
Pop-Pop's here, put him by the window!"
"That's Pop-Pop. That's your window." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:09
"That's Pop-Pop. That's your window."
Add a little flavor to Pop-Pop's life. Come on, man. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Add a little flavor to Pop-Pop's life. Come on, man.
It's not gay at 80, bro. It's chill. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
It's not gay at 80, bro. It's chill.
It's just like, "Grandpa is crazy. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:05
It's just like, "Grandpa is crazy.
But he's staying active." - Theo Von: No Offense 00:10
But he's staying active."
Probably like somebody trying to sneak a fish stick into your mouth. - Theo Von: No Offense 00:06
Probably like somebody trying to sneak a fish stick into you...