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Tom Papa: Human Mule

Tom Papa has become a Human Mule and he’s not afraid to admit it. In this follow up to his 2013 special, Tom is at his fast paced comedic best while relating the everyman struggles of family life, falling behind to the super rich and his hilarious cure for angry young men.

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[plodding music] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[plodding music]

- Please welcome to the stage 
Tom Papa. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

- Please welcome to the stage  Tom Papa.

Thank you so much.
You guys look great. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Thank you so much. You guys look great.

[crowd cheering] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[crowd cheering]

[cheers and applause] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[cheers and applause]

[laughter] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I'm just seeing if there's
any weakness on your part." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I'm just seeing if there's any weakness on your pa...

[laughs] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And you only get it
if you cancel. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And you only get it if you cancel.

Oh, there's no better feeling
in the world than canceling. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Oh, there's no better feeling in the world than canceli...

Just going
from "I have to do something" - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Just going from "I have to do something"

"You think we can cancel
on 'em?" - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"You think we can cancel on 'em?"

Yes." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[applause] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

God won't let us." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

God won't let us."

[cheers and applause] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[cheers and applause]

Yeah?
'Cause you watch too much news. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Yeah? 'Cause you watch too much news.

Uh, no grown-ups left,
that's kind of scary. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Uh, no grown-ups left, that's kind of scary.

Adult coloring books. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Adult coloring books.

I saw a man--a man-- - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I saw a man--a man--

A man laying on his stomach - Tom Papa: Human Mule

A man laying on his stomach

Why even wear pants?
Why? - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Why even wear pants? Why?

You're not a man.
You're a baby man. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

You're not a man. You're a baby man.

It's a 'Game of Thrones'
coloring book." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

It's a 'Game of Thrones' coloring book."

I thought it was something
childish, like "The Hobbit." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I thought it was something childish, like "The Hobbit.&...

You never really know
if it's working or not. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

You never really know if it's working or not.

Then a girl shows up
with a Pekinese - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Then a girl shows up with a Pekinese

And how little
do you have to think of yourself - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And how little do you have to think of yourself

"I have to have this puppy
with me on this flight, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"I have to have this puppy with me on this flight,

She turned to me,
and she had a Chihuahua - Tom Papa: Human Mule

She turned to me, and she had a Chihuahua

I swear to--head, penis,
legs, and dog arms. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I swear to--head, penis, legs, and dog arms.

The look of humiliation
in this animal's face... - Tom Papa: Human Mule

The look of humiliation in this animal's face...

I can't reach." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I can't reach."

We--my wife
is one of those people - Tom Papa: Human Mule

We--my wife is one of those people

"Where is it?
Where?" - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"Where is it? Where?"

Has anyone gone?" - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Has anyone gone?"

"I miss Grandpa."
"Me too." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"I miss Grandpa." "Me too."

That's who
you should be scared of, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

That's who you should be scared of,

Keep it in perspective. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Keep it in perspective.

No, they're bad for me,
I shouldn't eat them, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

No, they're bad for me, I shouldn't eat them,

And I ate them again.
I ate them again. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And I ate them again. I ate them again.

[crowd groans] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Your fancy Cleveland
farm-to-table nacho attitude. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Your fancy Cleveland farm-to-table nacho attitude.

[cheers and applause] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[cheers and applause]

I didn't wake up and say,
"I'm eating nachos today." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I didn't wake up and say, "I'm eating nachos ...

No nachos.
We're not doing it." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

No nachos. We're not doing it."

Oh, Morning Tom,
he puts on workout clothes, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Oh, Morning Tom, he puts on workout clothes,

That's why you never hit on
anyone in the morning. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

That's why you never hit on anyone in the morning.

You got to wait
till late at night, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

You got to wait till late at night,

They got to lay down somewhere;
might as well be with you. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

They got to lay down somewhere; might as well be with you.

[cheers and applause] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[cheers and applause]

"I'll be back for waffles." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"I'll be back for waffles."

And the guy that wakes up
in his place - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And the guy that wakes up in his place

That guys is not--he's
an alcoholic, is what he is. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

That guys is not--he's an alcoholic, is what he is.

Takes that same blender
and fills it up - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Takes that same blender and fills it up

"Who's the loser now?" - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"Who's the loser now?"

You deserve it.
You deserve it." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

You deserve it. You deserve it."

I'm not sure
what the hell I did." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I'm not sure what the hell I did."

You think Sinatra
ever stopped at one?" - Tom Papa: Human Mule

You think Sinatra ever stopped at one?"

All right." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"I wonder if Panda Express
makes nachos." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"I wonder if Panda Express makes nachos."

At this point in your life,
don't you realize - Tom Papa: Human Mule

At this point in your life, don't you realize

Don't you realize...
[laughter] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Don't you realize... [laughter]

Sometimes I wake up
in the morning, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Sometimes I wake up in the morning,

I don't know if I REM'd out
at the end. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I don't know if I REM'd out at the end.

My whole childhood - Tom Papa: Human Mule

My whole childhood

[laughter] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Can I go to Keith's house?" - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Can I go to Keith's house?"

That's yes.
Let's go." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

That's yes. Let's go."

[muttering] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And second of all, the list
of people with all the money - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And second of all, the list of people with all the money

But, uh, I do not live alone. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

But, uh, I do not live alone.

[chuckles] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"More, more, more." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"More, more, more."

I live in a horrible
school district in L.A. now, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

I live in a horrible school district in L.A. now,

And they have no skills
or coordination, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

And they have no skills or coordination,

My only rule
for paying for school is, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

My only rule for paying for school is,

Why would I pay
all of that money - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Why would I pay all of that money

The dad's pushing
a baby grand piano - Tom Papa: Human Mule

The dad's pushing a baby grand piano

[imitating horn playing music] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[imitating horn playing music]

Enjoy your life." - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Enjoy your life."

That's an Asian-free zone.
Let's try it. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

That's an Asian-free zone. Let's try it.

We scooped her out,
resuscitated her, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

We scooped her out, resuscitated her,

She was like, "I thought
we're not allowed - Tom Papa: Human Mule

She was like, "I thought we're not allowed

"I'm not gonna ruin
my Saturdays - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"I'm not gonna ruin my Saturdays

"Yeah, you lay there - Tom Papa: Human Mule

"Yeah, you lay there

[laughter] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

They don't come out
to the ass end of Cleveland, - Tom Papa: Human Mule

They don't come out to the ass end of Cleveland,

[cheers and applause] - Tom Papa: Human Mule

[cheers and applause]

Summer happens,
and I deal with it. - Tom Papa: Human Mule

Summer happens, and I deal with it.

Tom Papa: Human Mule poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Tom Papa has become a Human Mule and he’s not afraid to admit it. In this follow up to his 2013 special, Tom is at his fast paced comedic best while relating the everyman struggles of family life, falling behind to the super rich and his hilarious cure for angry young men.

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Genre: comedy

Year: 2016

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