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Tommy Boy

...What?

Tommy:

Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting. Ted Nelson, Customer:
Go on, I'm listening. Tommy:
Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside. Ted Nelson, Customer:
Yeah, makes a man feel good. Tommy:
'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted? [chuckles until he sees that Ted is not laughing] Ted Nelson, Customer:
[impatiently]
What's your point? Tommy:
The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times. Ted Nelson, Customer:
But why do they put a guarantee on the box? Tommy:
Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me. Ted Nelson, Customer:
[pause]
Okay, I'll buy from you. Tommy:
Well, that's... Tommy, Richard Hayden:
...What?

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.158
Let's think about this for a sec Ted
00:00:03.252 --> 00:00:06.253
Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box
00:00:06.964 --> 00:00:09.538
Very interesting Go on I'm listening
00:00:09.634 --> 00:00:12.635
The way I see it Ted a guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box
00:00:12.072 --> 00:00:15.555
'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside
00:00:15.064 --> 00:00:19.341
Yeah Makes a man feel good Of course it does Why shouldn't it
00:00:19.435 --> 00:00:21.677
Put that box under your pillow at night
00:00:21.771 --> 00:00:27.001
the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter Am I right Ted
00:00:27.152 --> 00:00:28.147
What's your point
00:00:28.236 --> 00:00:33.099
The point is how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer
00:00:34.003 --> 00:00:37.409
He sneaks into your house once That's all it takes
00:00:37.496 --> 00:00:42.371
Next thing there's money missing and your daughter's knocked up
00:00:42.459 --> 00:00:44.748
Why do they put a guarantee on the box then
00:00:44.836 --> 00:00:50.997
'Cause they know all they sold you was a guaranteed piece of shit
00:00:50.133 --> 00:00:54.998
If you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed I will
00:00:54.179 --> 00:00:57.346
For your customers' sake for your daughter's sake
00:00:57.433 --> 00:01:01.845
you might wanna think about buying a quality product from me
00:01:03.397 --> 00:01:06.315
OK I'll buy from you Well that's What
Duration
72 seconds
Views
5,099
Timestamp in Movie
00:56:40
Uploaded
Nov 25, 2022
Genres
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

After his auto-parts tycoon father dies, the overweight, underachieving son teams up with a snide accountant to try and save the family business.

Actors

Chris Farley
Tommy
David Spade
Richard