To watch in HD, get ClipCafe PRO

Good morning, Uncle Charlie

Two and a Half Men

Good morning, Uncle Charlie. Morning, Porky. Did you have sweet dreams? Jake, rule number...

Two and a Half Men • S01E03 • 2003

Good morning, Uncle Charlie. Morning, Porky. Did you have sweet dreams? Jake, rule number one.Uncle Charlie does not like to start his day with asquealing creature in his face. Sorry. Grandma's here.She wants you to come down. Okay, you're not listening. Rule number one... This is a list of the top divorceattorneys in Los Angeles. I've made appointments for youwith each of them. I don't need to meet any attorneys.I'm not getting a divorce. I'm sure you don't think so. The point is, if you consult with all the good lawyers, it's a conflict ofinterest for them to represent Judith. She'll be stuck with some ambulance-chasing clown from Van Nuys who will fold like an origami swan. I don't want this to be... Mommy busted her hump on this, Alan

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.264

Good morning Uncle Charlie

00:00:03.736 --> 00:00:05.328

Morning Porky

00:00:05.972 --> 00:00:08.099

Did you have sweet dreams

00:00:09.976 --> 00:00:13.639

Jake rule number one Uncle Charlie does not like

00:00:13.713 --> 00:00:16.841

to start his day with a squealing creature in his face

00:00:16.949 --> 00:00:20.035

Sorry Grandma's here She wants you to come down

00:00:20.486 --> 00:00:22.454

Okay you're not listening

00:00:22.989 --> 00:00:24.065

Rule number one

00:00:26.926 --> 00:00:29.986

This is a list of the top divorce attorneys in Los Angeles

00:00:30.096 --> 00:00:32.036

I've made appointments for you with each of them

00:00:32.465 --> 00:00:35.491

I don't need to meet any attorneys I'm not getting a divorce

00:00:35.601 --> 00:00:37.626

I'm sure you don't think so

00:00:40.172 --> 00:00:42.504

The point is if you consult with all

00:00:42.608 --> 00:00:46.942

the good lawyers it's a conflict of interest for them to represent Judith

00:00:47.999 --> 00:00:50.003

She'll be stuck with some ambulance chasing clown from Van Nuys

00:00:50.149 --> 00:00:52.413

who will fold like an origami swan

00:00:53.998 --> 00:00:54.486

I don't want this to be

00:00:54.554 --> 00:00:56.715

Mommy busted her hump on this Alan

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.544

صباح الخير عمي تشارلي

00:00:04.128 --> 00:00:05.296

صباح الخير بوركي

00:00:06.464 --> 00:00:08.299

هل حلمت بأحلام رائعه

00:00:10.301 --> 00:00:11.886

جيك القاعده رقم واحد

00:00:11.886 --> 00:00:16.999

العم تشارلي لا يحب أن يبدأ نهاره بأنين مخلوق في وجهه

00:00:17.099 --> 00:00:20.728

أسف جدتي هنا أنها تريدك في الأسفل

00:00:20.478 --> 00:00:24.857

حسنا أنت لاتسمع القاعده رقم واحد

00:00:27.109 --> 00:00:30.237

هذه قائمه بأفضل محامي الطلاق في لوس أنجلس

00:00:30.237 --> 00:00:32.156

لقد أخذت لك موعد لك مع كل واحد فيهم

00:00:32.049 --> 00:00:34.992

أمي أنا لا أحتاج لأن أقابل أي محامي لأنني لن أتطلق

00:00:35.409 --> 00:00:38.999

أنا متاكده انك لا تظن ذالك

00:00:40.664 --> 00:00:41.624

القصد هو

00:00:41.624 --> 00:00:43.793

أنه أذا أستشرة كل المحاميين

00:00:43.793 --> 00:00:47.129

سيكون هذا تضارب للمصالح لهم أن يمثلو جودث

00:00:47.213 --> 00:00:49.034

وهي ستكون مع سيارة أسعاف تطراد مهرج من فان نيس

00:00:49.034 --> 00:00:51.759

والذي سيلتف كبجعة أورغامي

00:00:52.676 --> 00:00:56.472

لا أريد فعل هذا الماما كسرت ظهرها في عمل هذا

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.262

Bonjour tonton Charlie

00:00:03.733 --> 00:00:05.324

Bonjour Porky

00:00:05.967 --> 00:00:08.263

Dis moi est ce que tu as bien dormi

00:00:09.968 --> 00:00:13.332

Jake règle numéro un Tonton Charlie déteste

00:00:13.435 --> 00:00:16.868

que sa journée commence avec les cris perçants d'un sale rongeur

00:00:16.935 --> 00:00:20.333

Désolé Grand mère est là et elle veut te parler

00:00:20.468 --> 00:00:22.435

Je rêve t'as rien écouté

00:00:22.969 --> 00:00:24.629

Règle numéro un

00:00:26.903 --> 00:00:29.994

La liste de la crème des avocats qui sont sur Los Angeles

00:00:30.007 --> 00:00:32.366

J'ai pris rendez vous chez chacun d'eux

00:00:32.437 --> 00:00:35.494

Laisse tomber les avocats Je compte pas aller jusqu'au divorce

00:00:35.057 --> 00:00:37.593

Ça va c'est ce que tu crois

00:00:40.137 --> 00:00:42.501

Si tu consultes les meilleurs avocats de la ville

00:00:42.571 --> 00:00:46.901

ça deviendra un conflit d'intérêt d'accepter de représenter Judith

00:00:47.026 --> 00:00:50.335

Elle embauchera un pauvre commis d'office dans son petit costume

00:00:50.405 --> 00:00:52.667

qui cédera à nos moindres caprices

00:00:52.973 --> 00:00:54.439

Je ne veux pas qu'on se batte

00:00:54.506 --> 00:00:57.003

Ta maman a bossé dur pour faire cette liste

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.505

JAKE Quietschend Guten Morgen Onkel Charlie

00:00:03.672 --> 00:00:05.342

Morgen Schweinchen

00:00:05.927 --> 00:00:08.999

Hast du was Schönes geträumt

00:00:09.935 --> 00:00:13.233

Jake Regel Nummer 1 Onkel Charlie fängt seinen Tag nicht gerne

00:00:13.004 --> 00:00:16.531

mit einer quiekenden Kreatur im Gesicht an

00:00:16.907 --> 00:00:20.289

Entschuldigung Oma ist unten sie will dich sehen

00:00:20.455 --> 00:00:22.418

Ok du hörst nicht zu

00:00:22.961 --> 00:00:24.063

Regel Nummer 1

00:00:26.885 --> 00:00:30.058

Hier ist eine Liste mit den Top Scheidungsanwälten in Los Angeles

00:00:30.225 --> 00:00:32.271

Ich hab bei allen Termine für dich gemacht

00:00:32.438 --> 00:00:35.402

Ich brauche keinen Anwalt ich lass mich auch nicht scheiden

00:00:35.569 --> 00:00:38.241

Ich bin mir sicher dass du nicht so denkst

00:00:40.162 --> 00:00:42.416

Wichtig ist alle guten Anwälte zu konsultieren

00:00:42.583 --> 00:00:46.926

so ist es für sie ein Interessenkonflikt für Judith zu arbeiten

00:00:47.999 --> 00:00:50.265

Sie wird sich mit einem Vorstadtfuzzi zufrieden geben müssen

00:00:50.432 --> 00:00:52.853

der zusammenklappen wird wie ein Cocktailschirmchen

00:00:53.001 --> 00:00:54.044

Ich will davon nichts hören

00:00:54.607 --> 00:00:57.112

Mami reißt sich dafür den Arsch auf Alan

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.998

ДЖЕЙК Доброе утро дядя Чарли

00:00:03.998 --> 00:00:04.017

ЧАРЛИ Привет Тушка

00:00:04.017 --> 00:00:07.173

ДЖЕЙК Ты хорошо спал

00:00:09.425 --> 00:00:15.973

ЧАРЛИ Правило номер один Джейк Дядя Чарли не любит начинать утро с писклявой твари у себя под носом

00:00:15.973 --> 00:00:20.102

ДЖЕЙК Извини Пришла бабушка Она тебя зовет

00:00:20.102 --> 00:00:21.395

ЧАРЛИ Так ты меня не понял

00:00:21.395 --> 00:00:25.149

Правило номер один

00:00:27.109 --> 00:00:31.739

МАМА Назначила тебе консультации у всех лучших адвокатов по разводам в Лос Анджелесе

00:00:31.739 --> 00:00:34.242

АЛАН Мне не нужны адвокаты Я не развожусь

00:00:34.242 --> 00:00:37.328

МАМА Ну ты же это не серьезно

00:00:39.497 --> 00:00:45.795

После консультации с тобой они не смогут представлять Джудит это профессиональная этика

00:00:45.795 --> 00:00:51.968

и ей останется какой нибудь клоун практикант который прогнётся как журавлик оригАми

00:00:51.968 --> 00:00:53.845

АЛАН Я не хочу чтобы она

00:00:53.845 --> 00:00:56.055

МАМА Твоя мама на таких делах собаку съела

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.252

Buenos días tío Charlie

00:00:03.711 --> 00:00:05.338

Buenos días Porky

00:00:05.963 --> 00:00:08.999

Has tenido dulces sueños

00:00:09.967 --> 00:00:13.346

Jake regla número uno Al tío Charlie no le gusta

00:00:13.429 --> 00:00:16.557

comenzar el día con un bicho chillón en la cara

00:00:16.933 --> 00:00:20.353

Perdona Ha venido la abuela Quiere que bajes

00:00:20.478 --> 00:00:22.438

Muy bien no estás escuchando

00:00:22.098 --> 00:00:24.649

Regla número uno

00:00:26.901 --> 00:00:29.987

Ésta es una lista de los mejores abogados de Los Ángeles

00:00:30.002 --> 00:00:32.365

Te he concertado cita con todos

00:00:32.448 --> 00:00:35.493

No necesito ningún abogado No voy a divorciarme

00:00:35.576 --> 00:00:37.062

Sé que no lo dices en serio

00:00:40.164 --> 00:00:42.005

El caso es que si consultas a todos

00:00:42.583 --> 00:00:46.962

los buenos abogados tendrán un conflicto de intereses para representar a Judith

00:00:47.999 --> 00:00:50.341

Tendrá que recurrir a algún picapleitos de Van Nuys

00:00:50.424 --> 00:00:52.076

que se plegará como un cisne de papel

00:00:53.998 --> 00:00:54.047

No quiero que esto sea

00:00:54.553 --> 00:00:57.181

Mamá se ha partido la espalda con esto Alan

Available in 6 languages

Duration

58 seconds

Views

9

Timestamp in Movie

00:04:25

Uploaded

Mar 09, 2026

Season

1

Episode

3

Genres

comedy, romance

Want This Clip in HD?

Upgrade for HD/4K downloads and unlimited access. Upgrade now →

Movie Summary

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.