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That's not fair!

Two and a Half Men

That's not fair! Why don't I get to keep the kidwhen you're dead? If I'm dead. And Judith...

Two and a Half Men • S01E17 • 2003

That's not fair! Why don't I get to keep the kidwhen you're dead? If I'm dead. And Judith would have to diebefore me for it to even be an issue. It's a contingency planfor a hypothetical worst-case scenario. I know it's a long shot,but I had the Marlins in the World Series. Don't tell me they don't come in. It never occurred to me that you'dwant to be a full-time parent. This isn't about what I want.This is about what you want, - and you don't want me to have Jake.- What? Nothing. Why'd you say my name? Get over yourself, no one said your name. So what's wrong with me? Charlie, you're a great uncle.You're there for all the fun stuff. I don't think you're up to the hard workof being a full-time parent to Jake. - What?- Nothing. Nothing

Full Transcript

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That's not fair

00:00:02.436 --> 00:00:04.999

Why don't I get to keep the kid when you're dead

00:00:07.112 --> 00:00:11.348

If I'm dead And Judith would have to die before me for it to even be an issue

00:00:11.454 --> 00:00:15.155

It's a contingency plan for a hypothetical worst case scenario

00:00:15.228 --> 00:00:18.291

I know it's a long shot but I had the Marlins in the World Series

00:00:18.368 --> 00:00:20.304

Don't tell me they don't come in

00:00:20.372 --> 00:00:23.031

It never occurred to me that you'd want to be a full time parent

00:00:23.378 --> 00:00:26.003

This isn't about what I want This is about what you want

00:00:26.998 --> 00:00:28.349

and you don't want me to have Jake What

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Nothing

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Why'd you say my name

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Get over yourself no one said your name

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So what's wrong with me

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Charlie you're a great uncle You're there for all the fun stuff

00:00:38.941 --> 00:00:42.054

I don't think you're up to the hard work of being a full time parent to Jake

00:00:42.616 --> 00:00:43.709

What Nothing

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Nothing

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هذا غير عادل

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لم لا يمكنني الاحتفاظ بالفتى عندما تموت

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إن مت وماتت قبلي جوديث إن وقع هذا أصلا

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إنه خطة طوارئ للسيناريو الافتراضي الأسوأ

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أعرف أن الاحتمالية ضئيلة ولكنني حصلت على الحربة في ألعاب ورلد سيريز للبيسبول

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لا تخبرني بأن هذا لا يجدي

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لم يخطر ببالي قط أنك تود أن تكون والد لطوال اليوم

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هذا ليس بشأن ما أريده هذا بشأن ما تريده أنت

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وأنت لا تريدني أن أحظى بـ جايك ماذا

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لا شيء

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لم تنادي باسمي

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لا تغتر لم يقل أحد اسمك

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إذن ما خطبي

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تشارلي أنت عم رائع ومتاح لكل الأمور الممتعة

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لا أعتقد أنك ستود أن تخوض أمر الصعاب بأن تكون والد طوال الوقت لـ جايك

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ماذا لا شيء

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لا شيء

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Mais c'est injuste

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Pourquoi ne garderais je pas Jake si tu es mort

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Si je meurs Et Judith devra mourir avant moi pour que le problème se pose

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C'est un plan de contingence pour un hypothétique scénario catastrophe

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Il y a peu de chance mais les Marlins sont bien en finale

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Alors rien n'est impossible

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Je croyais pas qu'être un parent pourrait te plaire

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C'est pas ce que je veux mais c'est ce que tu veux

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et tu ne veux pas que j'aie Jake Quoi

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Rien

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Mais tu as dit mon nom

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Arrête de te croire le centre du monde

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Qu'est ce que je fais mal

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Charlie tu es un oncle génial Tu adores t'amuser avec lui

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Je pense que t'es pas à la hauteur pour t'occuper à plein temps de Jake

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Quoi Rien

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Rien

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Sie nannte es

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Mit Oma im Kaufhaus

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Sie machte das in der Traum AG wo ich dann

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den Kindern immer Zeit lasse etwas zu gestalten

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Sarah wird von nun an nicht mehr in der Traum AG mit machen

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Sie wird zur selben Zeit

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mit einem Privatlehrer ihre anderen Schularbeiten durchgehen

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Haben Sie mit Sarah darüber gesprochen

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Nun das muss ich nicht

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Ich will dass sie die Bruchrechnung kann bevor sie auf die High School kommt

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Na ja ich unterrichte nach Lehrplan Meine Tochter trägt Puppenköpfe

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um den Hals also was auch immer Sie vorhaben

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nur weiter so

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Okay ich rede jeden Tag mit Ihrer Tochter

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Sie etwa auch Denn das Einstellen eines Privatlehrers

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ist nicht dasselbe wie als wenn man die Zeit mit ihr verbringen würde

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Ich bin ihr Vater nicht ihr Freund

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Ich weiß schon was sie braucht

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Grüßen Sie Mrs Monogamy herzlich von mir

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Kenapa aku tak bisa mendapatkan si anak saat kau mati

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Jika aku mati Dan Judith harus mati sebelum aku agar itu bisa jadi masalah

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Itu rencana kemungkinan untuk skenario terburuk hipotetis

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Ini sulit tetapi aku memasukkan Marlins ke Kejuaraan Dunia

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Jangan bilang padaku itu tak ada artinya

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Tak pernah terpikirkan olehku kau mau jadi orang tua penuh waktu

00:00:21.771 --> 00:00:24.273

Ini bukan tentang yang aku mau Ini tentang apa yang kau mau

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dan kau tak mau aku mengasuh Jake Apa

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Tidak apa apa

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Kenapa kau menyebut namaku

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Jangan berlebihan tidak ada yang menyebut namamu

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Jadi apa yang salah dengan diriku

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Charlie kau paman yang hebat Kau ada untuk bersenang senang

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Kurasa kau tak siap bekerja keras jadi orang tua penuh waktu untuk Jake

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Apa Tidak apa apa

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Tidak apa apa

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Так нечестно

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Почему я не могу присмотреть за ним когда ты умрешь

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Если я умру И если Джудит умрет до меня Тогда это станет актуальным

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Это аварийный план для гипотетически наихудшего сценария

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Знаю это маловероятно но я играл на бейсбольном чемпионате

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Не говори что это не считается

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Я и подумать не мог что ты хочешь стать полноценным отцом

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Речь не о том чего хочу я Речь о том чего хочешь ты

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а ты не хочешь чтоб я получил Джейка Что

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Ничего

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Зачем ты упоминал обо мне

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Спустись на землю никто о тебе не говорил

00:00:34.367 --> 00:00:35.535

Так что со мной не так

00:00:35.701 --> 00:00:38.704

Чарли ты отличный дядя Всегда находишь повод для веселья

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Не думаю что ты готов работать чтоб стать полноценным отцом Джейка

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Что Ничего

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Ничего

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.329

Eso no es justo

00:00:02.419 --> 00:00:05.538

Por qué no me puedo quedar con el chico cuando mueras

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Si me muero Y Judith tendría que morir antes que yo para que se diera el caso

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Es un plan de contingencia para la hipótesis del peor de los casos

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Sé que es una apuesta arriesgada pero he visto cosas peores

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Y no me digas que no podría pasar

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Nunca pensé que querrías ser padre a tiempo completo

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No es lo que yo quiero sino lo que tú quieres

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Y tú no quieres que me quede con Jake Qué

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Nada

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Por qué me han nombrado

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No seas tan egocéntrico nadie te ha nombrado

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Cuál es mi problema

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Charlie eres un tipo genial Estás ahí para los buenos ratos

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Pero no estás listo para la dura tarea de ser padre a todas horas

00:00:42.582 --> 00:00:43.661

Qué Nada

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Nada

Available in 7 languages

Duration

47 seconds

Views

18

Timestamp in Movie

00:02:48

Uploaded

Mar 09, 2026

Season

1

Episode

17

Genres

comedy, romance

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Movie Summary

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.