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Jack Crow:
You ever seen a vampire? Father Adam Guiteau:
No, I haven't. Jack Crow:
No... Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try Garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffeta. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters
You ever seen a vampire? Father Adam Guiteau:
No, I haven't. Jack Crow:
No... Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try Garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffeta. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters
Full Transcript
00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.042
You ever seen a vampire
00:00:03.547 --> 00:00:06.035
First of all they're not romantic
00:00:06.135 --> 00:00:09.333
They're not a bunch of fags in rented formalwear
00:00:09.433 --> 00:00:12.256
seducing everybody with Euro trash accents
00:00:12.356 --> 00:00:14.719
Forget what you've seen in the movies
00:00:14.819 --> 00:00:17.516
They don't turn into bats Crosses don't work
00:00:17.616 --> 00:00:22.109
Garlic Stand there with garlic one of them will bend you over
00:00:22.209 --> 00:00:25.699
and walk up your strata chocolata while sucking your blood
00:00:25.799 --> 00:00:29.029
All right And they don't sleep in taffeta lined coffins
00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:34.217
You wanna kill one Drive a wooden stake through his heart
00:00:34.317 --> 00:00:37.064
Sunlight turns them into crispy critters
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Movie Summary
Recovering from an ambush that killed his entire team, a vengeful vampire slayer must retrieve an ancient Catholic relic that, should it be acquired by vampires, will allow them to walk in sunlight.
Actors
Jack Crow
Father Adam Guiteau
