Oh, uh, you don't know how to teleport, do you? No Okay. Then I apologize for the awkward...
What If • 2013
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Quote
Wallace:
Oh, uh, you don't know how to teleport, do you?
Chantry:
No
Wallace:
Okay. Then I apologize for the awkward situation you're about to witness.
[Megan walks up]
Wallace:
Hi. Um, sorry, Chantry, uh, this is Megan, my, urn... Well, my nothing in particular.
Chantry:
Nice to meet you.
Megan:
Wallace, what are you doing here? Are you sick?
Wallace:
No, um, Chantry's boyfriend fell out of a window, but he's okay.
Megan:
Do you want me to look in on him?
Wallace:
No. That won't be necessary.
Megan:
I'm gonna go. We only get 15 minutes to eat lunch. Don't get the bagel with smoked salmon, or the tuna, or anything with seafood. The company that stocks the machine has failed four inspections, but the manager's brother works for the mayor. I'm sorry, I've been on shift for 18 hours and I'm really tired. I had so much coffee, and when I saw her, I thought she was your girlfriend, and that made me want to cry. It's weird I'm saying this out loud, right?
Wallace:
You are, and it is.
Megan:
I just want us to be friends. Not today, but someday. Whatever he said, it wasn't black-and-white...
Chantry:
He hasn't said anything about you. He's never even mentioned you.
Megan:
Um... Okay, uh, it was nice to meet you. I hope your boyfriend feels better.
Chantry:
Thank you.
Wallace:
That was my ex-girlfriend.
Chantry:
Yeah.
Wallace:
Yeah
Oh, uh, you don't know how to teleport, do you?
Chantry:
No
Wallace:
Okay. Then I apologize for the awkward situation you're about to witness.
[Megan walks up]
Wallace:
Hi. Um, sorry, Chantry, uh, this is Megan, my, urn... Well, my nothing in particular.
Chantry:
Nice to meet you.
Megan:
Wallace, what are you doing here? Are you sick?
Wallace:
No, um, Chantry's boyfriend fell out of a window, but he's okay.
Megan:
Do you want me to look in on him?
Wallace:
No. That won't be necessary.
Megan:
I'm gonna go. We only get 15 minutes to eat lunch. Don't get the bagel with smoked salmon, or the tuna, or anything with seafood. The company that stocks the machine has failed four inspections, but the manager's brother works for the mayor. I'm sorry, I've been on shift for 18 hours and I'm really tired. I had so much coffee, and when I saw her, I thought she was your girlfriend, and that made me want to cry. It's weird I'm saying this out loud, right?
Wallace:
You are, and it is.
Megan:
I just want us to be friends. Not today, but someday. Whatever he said, it wasn't black-and-white...
Chantry:
He hasn't said anything about you. He's never even mentioned you.
Megan:
Um... Okay, uh, it was nice to meet you. I hope your boyfriend feels better.
Chantry:
Thank you.
Wallace:
That was my ex-girlfriend.
Chantry:
Yeah.
Wallace:
Yeah
Transcript
00:00:01.028 --> 00:00:03.658
Ben, Wallace is here.
00:00:03.825 --> 00:00:05.743
- Hi.
- Hey, Wallace. How are you?
00:00:05.091 --> 00:00:07.412
Hi.
00:00:08.496 --> 00:00:10.206
- Sorry.
- No worries.
00:00:10.415 --> 00:00:11.624
Let me dry off my hands.
00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:14.252
- Thanks for coming by.
- No. Nice to meet you. Thank you.
00:00:14.419 --> 00:00:16.013
_ Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
00:00:16.017 --> 00:00:18.756
Oh, Wallace, this is my sister, Dalia.
00:00:18.923 --> 00:00:20.633
- Nice to--
- So nice to meet you.
00:00:20.008 --> 00:00:22.593
- Hi.
- Hello.
00:00:22.802 --> 00:00:24.262
- You smell really good.
- Really?
00:00:24.429 --> 00:00:26.597
Yeah. Or maybe
it just smells really bad in here, right?
00:00:26.764 --> 00:00:29.559
No, he smells great.
But it is getting kind of oniony in here.
00:00:29.726 --> 00:00:32.437
- Can someone open the window?
- Yeah, I'll get it.
00:00:32.603 --> 00:00:34.522
Right over there.
00:00:34.689 --> 00:00:36.858
So, Wallace, I'd like to get
your opinion on something.
00:00:37.316 --> 00:00:38.776
- Yeah?
- Europe.
00:00:38.943 --> 00:00:40.403
The--? The continent?
00:00:40.057 --> 00:00:41.612
- See?
- Is it?
00:00:41.779 --> 00:00:43.364
- Is it?
- Yes, it is a cont--
00:00:43.531 --> 00:00:45.158
- Is it a continent?
- It is.
00:00:45.324 --> 00:00:47.118
He is from that continent,
he should know.
00:00:47.285 --> 00:00:48.786
Okay, look at a map, any map,
00:00:48.953 --> 00:00:51.033
Europe's not a separate continent,
it's clearly part of Asia.
00:00:51.497 --> 00:00:56.419
Right. But, wait, so if Europe isn't
a continent, then why is it a continent?
00:00:56.586 --> 00:00:59.338
Because Europeans were the ones
who decided what the continents are,
00:00:59.505 --> 00:01:03.468
and they didn't want to get lumped in
with all the, you know, Asians.
00:01:03.634 --> 00:01:07.001
Ben is trying to change the world
from the inside out.
00:01:07.999 --> 00:01:09.001
Okay? Eurasia.
That's what they should call it.
00:01:10.007 --> 00:01:12.852
- Europe plus Asia: Eurasia.
- Okay.
00:01:13.005 --> 00:01:15.354
- Who wants more wine?
- I do. Please.
00:01:15.521 --> 00:01:16.773
- In my glass.
- Yeah.
00:01:16.999 --> 00:01:19.999
And so, Ben, what is it exactly
that you do at the U.N.?
00:01:19.001 --> 00:01:22.999
I'm part of an international consortium
of lawyers with a U.N. mandate
00:01:22.779 --> 00:01:24.697
to negotiate
global copyright standards.
00:01:24.864 --> 00:01:27.241
More importantly, are you trying
to sleep with my girlfriend?
00:01:27.825 --> 00:01:30.161
Ben was working late, I don't know,
and Allan invited me...
00:01:30.328 --> 00:01:33.372
Don't worry,
we're just talking "guy," okay?
00:01:33.539 --> 00:01:35.958
They think we're talking about
international copyright law.
00:01:36.125 --> 00:01:37.251
0K8)'-
00:01:37.001 --> 00:01:40.001
Now, look, I have no problem with the
concept of Chantry having guy friends,
00:01:40.999 --> 00:01:43.999
- but if you're trying to move in--
- No, no, God, I wouldn't do that.
00:01:43.758 --> 00:01:45.718
I just want to be friends with her.
And with you.
00:01:45.001 --> 00:01:48.004
Friends is fine. Okay?
I can do friends.
00:01:48.262 --> 00:01:51.002
But you'd better not try
and put your penis anywhere near her.
00:01:51.224 --> 00:01:53.267
- Okay.
- Every country has different laws,
00:01:53.434 --> 00:01:56.604
so it's a logistical nightmare, but
I think it's important work, you know?
00:01:56.771 --> 00:01:58.999
- I think it's worth it.
- Yeah, that is impressive.
00:01:59.996 --> 00:02:00.733
Very impressive.
00:02:04.946 --> 00:02:05.947
Oh, shit.
00:02:06.114 --> 00:02:07.999
You all right?
00:02:07.001 --> 00:02:09.999
- Oh, my God, my eye.
- What is it?
00:02:09.999 --> 00:02:11.119
He's just rubbed his eye.
00:02:11.285 --> 00:02:13.008
God! My eye. It's really burning.
00:02:13.001 --> 00:02:15.999
- Did you cut the jalapeño?
- Yeah, I did.
00:02:15.999 --> 00:02:17.333
- Yeah.
- Oh, my...
00:02:19.001 --> 00:02:21.989
- Wallace, medical school!
- Shit, it hurts!
00:02:21.999 --> 00:02:23.756
Okay, well, do you--? Saline solution.
Do you use contacts?
00:02:23.923 --> 00:02:26.011
- I do. It's in the bathroom.
- Ben wears contacts.
00:02:26.001 --> 00:02:27.999
- Okay. Where?
- Through that door.
00:02:28.909 --> 00:02:29.762
- Yeah.
- Oh, God, that's painful!
00:02:29.929 --> 00:02:33.999
- Okay, what can I do, honey?
- God, that burns so badly.
00:02:33.999 --> 00:02:36.001
It's on that rag
and it's in my other eye now!
00:02:38.999 --> 00:02:40.398
I'm sorry. Just...
00:02:41.524 --> 00:02:42.733
Over there!
00:02:46.999 --> 00:02:49.001
- Ben? Ben!
- Oh, shit!
00:02:49.001 --> 00:02:50.999
_ Oh' m)' God!
' Ben? '
00:02:51.987 --> 00:02:52.869
Are you okay?
00:02:53.997 --> 00:02:55.001
Okay, don't move. Ben!
00:02:55.001 --> 00:02:58.999
- Do something.
- Call 911!
00:02:58.374 --> 00:03:00.001
Oh, no!
Okay, stay right there! Don't move!
00:03:02.999 --> 00:03:04.922
I'm sorry. You look fine.
Clip duration: 186 seconds
Views: 199
Timestamp in movie: 00h 17m 48s
Uploaded: 26 October, 2021
Genres: comedy, romance
Summary: Wallace, who is burned out from a string of failed relationships, forms an instant bond with Chantry, who lives with her longtime boyfriend. Together, they puzzle out what it means if your best friend is also the love of your life.
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