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Whitney Cummings: Jokes

I would have to open with, "If you take your dick out right now,I will fucking kill you."

I would have to open with, "If you take your dick out right now,
I will fucking kill you." [laughter] [scattered applause] [applause building]

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.085
I would have to open with,
00:00:02.168 --> 00:00:06.631
"If you take your dick out right now, I will fucking kill you."
00:00:06.714 --> 00:00:09.259
[laughter]
00:00:09.342 --> 00:00:11.886
[scattered applause]
00:00:11.097 --> 00:00:13.805
[applause building]
Duration
14 seconds
Views
31
Timestamp in Movie
00:19:53
Uploaded
May 03, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Plot under wraps.
"I thought that maybe - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:40
"I thought that maybe
I'd be like, "Alex, will you make me the happiest woman in the world - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:19
I'd be like, "Alex, will you make me the happiest ...
But this is the first guy I've ever dated - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:11
But this is the first guy I've ever dated
Your kids will be getting into college, so congratulations. - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:04
Your kids will be getting into college, so congratulations.
But no one will let me take that test. They'll be like, - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:08
But no one will let me take that test. They'll be like,
They'll be like, "They're gonna have your phone number and email address." - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:23
They'll be like, "They're gonna have your pho...
They were all over people's porches, in bags. - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:05
They were all over people's porches, in bags.
Homeless people would wipe their assholes with your data. - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:05
Homeless people would wipe their assholes with your data.
No one wants your fuckin' data, - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:07
No one wants your fuckin' data,
Everyone in the audience in their twenties is like, "She doesn't get it." - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:12
Everyone in the audience in their twenties is like, "Sh...
I have a 25-year-old guy working in my office. - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:04
I have a 25-year-old guy working in my office.
He's like, "I can't email this document." - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:19
He's like, "I can't email this...
To a communal tray. - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:04
To a communal tray.
Our encryption, it was something called a "cover page." - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:12
Our encryption, it was something called a "cover page.&...
You go to the front of the line, like, "Hey, um, - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:22
You go to the front of the line, like, "Hey, um,
"They don't deserve to see this V-neck and this dick." - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:05
"They don't deserve to see this V-neck and this di...
You don't know, you're not sure. That means, "Yes, every 20 seconds." - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:13
You don't know, you're not sure. That means, "...
Where is our homie, where is 65? Where is our guy? Did he pass on? - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:05
Where is our homie, where is 65? Where is our guy? Did he pa...
Okay, there he is. Um… - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:06
Okay, there he is. Um…
Listen, they… watch all the porn on the Internet, - Whitney Cummings: Jokes 00:08
Listen, they… watch all the porn on the Internet,