"Withnail & I" quotes

Withnail & I poster
In 1969, two substance-abusing, unemployed actors retreat to the countryside for a holiday that proves disastrous.

Director: Bruce Robinson
Writer: Bruce Robinson
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy, drama
Year: 1987
MetaScore: 84/100
ImdbRating: 7.6
BoxOffice: $1,544,889
Released: 19 Jun 1987
Awards: 1 win & 1 nomination

138 Clips

Surrounded by trees and nature - Withnail & I 00:11
Surrounded by trees and nature
Marwood off Danny's here - Withnail & I 00:25
Marwood off Danny's here
Have either of you got shoes - Withnail & I 00:04
Have either of you got shoes
Trade Phenodihydrochloride benzorex - Withnail & I 00:16
Trade Phenodihydrochloride benzorex
This doll is extremely dangerous - Withnail & I 00:10
This doll is extremely dangerous
I'm not having this shag sack insulting me - Withnail & I 00:04
I'm not having this shag sack insulting me
I brought two of these in case you were good in the kitchen - Withnail & I 00:10
I brought two of these in case you were good in the kitchen
I think you've been punished enough - Withnail & I 00:15
I think you've been punished enough
Where is he I'm utterly arseholed - Withnail & I 00:05
Where is he I'm utterly arseholed
Monty Uh what on earth are those - Withnail & I 00:11
Monty Uh what on earth are those
Which of you is going to be a splendid fellow - Withnail & I 00:18
Which of you is going to be a splendid fellow
I've already put a two shilling piece in - Withnail & I 00:15
I've already put a two shilling piece in
What are you doing - Withnail & I 00:08
What are you doing
You mustn't blame him You mustn't blame yourself - Withnail & I 00:34
You mustn't blame him You mustn't blame yourself
Where did you school - Withnail & I 00:08
Where did you school
These have been fed from asshole to beak - Withnail & I 00:07
These have been fed from asshole to beak
Listen Withnail It's a stinker why don't you go back - Withnail & I 00:29
Listen Withnail It's a stinker why don't you go back
Couldn't I'm spaced - Withnail & I 00:26
Couldn't I'm spaced
Aren't you getting absurdly high - Withnail & I 00:08
Aren't you getting absurdly high
Marwood Gimme a downer Danny My brain's capsizing I've - Withnail & I 00:13
Marwood Gimme a downer Danny My brain's capsizing I've
September it's a bad patch - Withnail & I 00:10
September it's a bad patch
I know you're not asleep boy - Withnail & I 00:06
I know you're not asleep boy
Off you go then I'll sleep here - Withnail & I 00:11
Off you go then I'll sleep here
Are you a sponge or a stone - Withnail & I 00:15
Are you a sponge or a stone
Wake up you bastard Or I'll burn this bastard bed down - Withnail & I 00:07
Wake up you bastard Or I'll burn this bastard bed down
Look at us Nothing that reasonable members of society - Withnail & I 00:12
Look at us Nothing that reasonable members of society
Why don't you ask your father How can it be so cold in here - Withnail & I 00:14
Why don't you ask your father How can it be so cold in here
Chin chin - Withnail & I 00:04
Chin chin
Look at my tongue - Withnail & I 00:07
Look at my tongue
I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose - Withnail & I 00:11
I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose
Marwood off 13 million Londoners have to wake up to this - Withnail & I 00:17
Marwood off 13 million Londoners have to wake up to this
Don't threaten me with a dead fish - Withnail & I 00:04
Don't threaten me with a dead fish
Who is the huge spade in the bath - Withnail & I 00:07
Who is the huge spade in the bath
Danny You have done something to your brain - Withnail & I 00:19
Danny You have done something to your brain
Gimme a Valium I'm getting the fear - Withnail & I 00:04
Gimme a Valium I'm getting the fear
Where is he - Withnail & I 00:12
Where is he
A bit early in the morning for festivities isn't it - Withnail & I 00:15
A bit early in the morning for festivities isn't it
Big man Perfumed ponce - Withnail & I 00:05
Big man Perfumed ponce
Withnail Fancy that silage heap hanging around up here - Withnail & I 00:08
Withnail Fancy that silage heap hanging around up here
Do you realise this gaff's over run with rodents - Withnail & I 00:24
Do you realise this gaff's over run with rodents
There can be no true beauty without decay - Withnail & I 00:18
There can be no true beauty without decay
Bastard asked me to understudy Constantine in the Sea Gull - Withnail & I 00:24
Bastard asked me to understudy Constantine in the Sea Gull
Panting My thumbs have gone weird - Withnail & I 00:06
Panting My thumbs have gone weird
We're bona fide We're not from London - Withnail & I 00:04
We're bona fide We're not from London
Danny You're looking very beautiful man - Withnail & I 00:10
Danny You're looking very beautiful man
Law rather appeals to me actually - Withnail & I 00:13
Law rather appeals to me actually
I had to come I tried not to - Withnail & I 00:29
I had to come I tried not to
Hm The carrot has mystery - Withnail & I 00:37
Hm The carrot has mystery
What do you want - Withnail & I 00:36
What do you want
Get that damned swine out of here - Withnail & I 00:22
Get that damned swine out of here
How dare you How dare you - Withnail & I 00:05
How dare you How dare you
Have you been at the controls - Withnail & I 00:12
Have you been at the controls
Listen I know what you're thinking but I had no alternative - Withnail & I 00:19
Listen I know what you're thinking but I had no alternative
Come on lads let's get home The sky's beginning to bruise - Withnail & I 00:11
Come on lads let's get home The sky's beginning to bruise
Excuse me - Withnail & I 00:28
Excuse me
I might fetch you up a rabbit - Withnail & I 00:35
I might fetch you up a rabbit
I might come and see you lads in the week - Withnail & I 00:35
I might come and see you lads in the week
VVegetables again We'll sprout fucking feelers soon - Withnail & I 00:18
VVegetables again We'll sprout fucking feelers soon
I think a drink don't you - Withnail & I 00:11
I think a drink don't you
The old order changeth - Withnail & I 00:34
The old order changeth
A coward you are and expert on bulls you are not - Withnail & I 00:07
A coward you are and expert on bulls you are not
And have another look in that shed Find anything - Withnail & I 00:08
And have another look in that shed Find anything
Danny Where exactly have you two been - Withnail & I 00:18
Danny Where exactly have you two been
Here comes another fucker - Withnail & I 00:05
Here comes another fucker
How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader - Withnail & I 00:25
How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader
You shouldn't treat each other so badly - Withnail & I 00:28
You shouldn't treat each other so badly
Monty Laisse moi respirer - Withnail & I 00:29
Monty Laisse moi respirer
I'm preparing myself to forgive you - Withnail & I 00:06
I'm preparing myself to forgive you
It's all your fault - Withnail & I 00:24
It's all your fault
What happened to your leg - Withnail & I 00:07
What happened to your leg
Monty indeed I remember my first agent - Withnail & I 00:18
Monty indeed I remember my first agent
Don't vent spleen on me I'm in the same boat - Withnail & I 00:12
Don't vent spleen on me I'm in the same boat
No Phone - Withnail & I 00:04
No Phone
You know what we should do - Withnail & I 00:24
You know what we should do
You can stuff it up your arse for nothing - Withnail & I 00:08
You can stuff it up your arse for nothing
I'll say one thing for Monty - Withnail & I 00:07
I'll say one thing for Monty
Withnail There must and shall be aspirin - Withnail & I 00:05
Withnail There must and shall be aspirin
What happened to your cigar commercial - Withnail & I 00:09
What happened to your cigar commercial
Jesus you're covered in shit - Withnail & I 00:04
Jesus you're covered in shit
Get your kit together We're leaving in half an hour - Withnail & I 00:10
Get your kit together We're leaving in half an hour
I can never touch meat until it's cooked - Withnail & I 00:09
I can never touch meat until it's cooked
Withnail At some point or another I wanna stop and get hold - Withnail & I 00:37
Withnail At some point or another I wanna stop and get hold
I got a bastard behind the eyes - Withnail & I 00:04
I got a bastard behind the eyes
Marwood Gimme a downer Danny My brain's capsizing I've - Withnail & I 00:26
Marwood Gimme a downer Danny My brain's capsizing I've
What's going on - Withnail & I 00:05
What's going on
Here hare here - Withnail & I 00:05
Here hare here
Poor old bastard - Withnail & I 00:17
Poor old bastard
We want them here and we want them now - Withnail & I 00:36
We want them here and we want them now
With this far out looking hat - Withnail & I 00:25
With this far out looking hat
What are we supposed to do with that - Withnail & I 00:36
What are we supposed to do with that
Look here my cousin's a Q C - Withnail & I 00:06
Look here my cousin's a Q C
I think we've been in here too long - Withnail & I 00:07
I think we've been in here too long
Listen I pay you 10 percent to do that - Withnail & I 00:16
Listen I pay you 10 percent to do that
Monty Beastly little parasite - Withnail & I 00:13
Monty Beastly little parasite
Has he just been busted - Withnail & I 00:17
Has he just been busted
Jesus look at that - Withnail & I 00:14
Jesus look at that
I'm a trained actor reduced to the state of a bum - Withnail & I 00:06
I'm a trained actor reduced to the state of a bum
How come Monty owns such a horrible little shack - Withnail & I 00:37
How come Monty owns such a horrible little shack
Bastards - Withnail & I 00:13
Bastards
Withnail I've some extremely distressing news - Withnail & I 00:16
Withnail I've some extremely distressing news
Oh Christ Almighty - Withnail & I 00:21
Oh Christ Almighty
It's true I crept the boards in my youth - Withnail & I 00:36
It's true I crept the boards in my youth
You're not leaving me in here alone - Withnail & I 00:06
You're not leaving me in here alone
Tell him if you must I no longer care - Withnail & I 00:09
Tell him if you must I no longer care
What is it What have you found - Withnail & I 00:06
What is it What have you found
Have you got some soup - Withnail & I 00:19
Have you got some soup
I recommend you smoke some more grass - Withnail & I 00:33
I recommend you smoke some more grass
Scrubbers - Withnail & I 00:13
Scrubbers
This is ridiculous - Withnail & I 00:37
This is ridiculous
Right Now we're going to have to approach this scientifically - Withnail & I 00:26
Right Now we're going to have to approach this...
Grab its ring Keep your bag up - Withnail & I 00:36
Grab its ring Keep your bag up
I've just narrowly avoided having a buggering - Withnail & I 00:08
I've just narrowly avoided having a buggering
Listen to this Curse of the Supermen - Withnail & I 00:34
Listen to this Curse of the Supermen
This place is uninhabitable - Withnail & I 00:15
This place is uninhabitable
Marwood trembling off I could hardly piss straight with fear - Withnail & I 00:29
Marwood trembling off I could hardly piss straight with fear
I wouldn't drink that if I were you - Withnail & I 00:35
I wouldn't drink that if I were you
Marwood off Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without - Withnail & I 00:31
Marwood off Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights...
If my father was loaded I'd ask him for some money - Withnail & I 00:08
If my father was loaded I'd ask him for some money
Yeah my partner's got a really good idea for making dolls - Withnail & I 00:28
Yeah my partner's got a really good idea for making dolls
Oh look at this little bastard - Withnail & I 00:17
Oh look at this little bastard
What about him - Withnail & I 00:21
What about him
Time gents please - Withnail & I 00:09
Time gents please
Do you like vegetables - Withnail & I 00:34
Do you like vegetables
The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman - Withnail & I 00:25
The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman
There's one over there that doesn't like the perfume The big one - Withnail & I 00:35
There's one over there that doesn't like the perfume The big...
Don't get uptight with me - Withnail & I 00:33
Don't get uptight with me
Marwood off Even a stopped clock gives the right time - Withnail & I 00:28
Marwood off Even a stopped clock gives the right time
He's going into your room - Withnail & I 00:35
He's going into your room
I must have some booze - Withnail & I 00:07
I must have some booze
Withnail Look at that Look at that - Withnail & I 00:19
Withnail Look at that Look at that
All right This is the plan - Withnail & I 00:12
All right This is the plan
I don't advise a haircut man - Withnail & I 00:21
I don't advise a haircut man
I have of late but wherefore I know not - Withnail & I 00:37
I have of late but wherefore I know not
Right you fucker I'm gonna do the washing up - Withnail & I 00:34
Right you fucker I'm gonna do the washing up
Balls We want the finest wines available to humanity - Withnail & I 00:09
Balls We want the finest wines available to humanity
I mean free to those that can afford it and very expensive to those who can't - Withnail & I 00:07
I mean free to those that can afford it and very expensive...
How should I know I feel like a pig shat on my head - Withnail & I 00:07
How should I know I feel like a pig shat on my head
Withnail Are you the farmer - Withnail & I 00:14
Withnail Are you the farmer

Cast

Withnail - Richard E. Grant
... & I - Paul McGann
Danny - Ralph Brown
Irishman - Daragh O'Malley
Isaac Parkin - Michael Wardle
Mrs. Parkin - Una Brandon-Jones
Raymond (General) - Noel Johnson
Mabs Blenehassit (Waitress) - Irene Sutcliffe
Tea Shop Proprietor - Llewellyn Rees
Policeman 1 - Robert Oates
Policeman 2 - Anthony Wise
Presuming Ed - Eddie Tagoe
Lady in Tea Room - Joyce Everson
Lady in Tea Room - Alecia St Leger
Man In Cafe - Fred Wood