"Zoolander" quotes

Zoolander poster
At the end of his career, a clueless fashion model is brainwashed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

Director: Ben Stiller
Writer: Drake Sather, Ben Stiller, John Hamburg
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy
Year: 2001
MetaScore: 61/100
ImdbRating: 6.5
BoxOffice: $45,172,250
Released: 28 Sep 2001
Awards: 1 win & 11 nominations

102 Clips

Hey you want to hear some great news - Zoolander 00:05
Hey you want to hear some great news
For serious - Zoolander 00:07
For serious
I just thought the way you handled losing that award to Hansel - Zoolander 00:22
I just thought the way you handled losing that award to...
You freakin' idiot - Zoolander 00:04
You freakin' idiot
I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad eugoogolizer I am - Zoolander 00:19
I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad eugoogolizer I...
So I became - Zoolander 00:53
So I became
He's almost too good looking - Zoolander 00:11
He's almost too good looking
Deal with that - Zoolander 00:03
Deal with that
I freakin' worship you man - Zoolander 00:11
I freakin' worship you man
Seriously Do you service yourself ten times a day - Zoolander 00:09
Seriously Do you service yourself ten times a day
Put a cork in it Zane - Zoolander 00:10
Put a cork in it Zane
L'm sorry l was whack - Zoolander 00:06
L'm sorry l was whack
Oh snap - Zoolander 00:07
Oh snap
Cool story Hansel - Zoolander 00:07
Cool story Hansel
L do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense - Zoolander 00:12
L do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense
For Christ's sake it's a casserole Sheila It'll stay - Zoolander 00:06
For Christ's sake it's a casserole Sheila It'll stay
Over the past decade - Zoolander 00:12
Over the past decade
We get back on - Zoolander 00:09
We get back on
The guy had to miraculously pull his underwear out of his butt - Zoolander 00:07
The guy had to miraculously pull his underwear out of his...
I'm so tired No Todd not now - Zoolander 00:08
I'm so tired No Todd not now
Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life - Zoolander 00:13
Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life
Whatever dude Whatever Peace God bless - Zoolander 00:06
Whatever dude Whatever Peace God bless
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit - Zoolander 00:11
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit
Who are you trying to get crazy with ese - Zoolander 00:09
Who are you trying to get crazy with ese
God God - Zoolander 00:09
God God
Now if you'll excuse me I've got an after funeral party to attend - Zoolander 00:06
Now if you'll excuse me I've got an after funeral party to...
I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad eugoogolizer I am - Zoolander 00:19
I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad eugoogolizer I...
What's the deal yo yo - Zoolander 00:04
What's the deal yo yo
The designer's got your nuts in a vice - Zoolander 00:16
The designer's got your nuts in a vice
You were wrong about my outfit - Zoolander 00:10
You were wrong about my outfit
You have no evidence Han stupid destroyed everything - Zoolander 00:09
You have no evidence Han stupid destroyed everything
Let me show you - Zoolander 00:20
Let me show you
What say we settle this on the runway - Zoolander 00:24
What say we settle this on the runway
Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte - Zoolander 00:09
Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy...
They're break dance fighting - Zoolander 00:05
They're break dance fighting
Who am I - Zoolander 00:21
Who am I
Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly so must you become Derelicte - Zoolander 00:10
Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly so must you become...
A finger jockey We don't think the same way - Zoolander 00:10
A finger jockey We don't think the same way
Derek back on top man - Zoolander 00:14
Derek back on top man
Damn it Derek I'm a coal miner not a professional film and television actor - Zoolander 00:09
Damn it Derek I'm a coal miner not a professional film and...
Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you - Zoolander 00:24
Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you
Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit - Zoolander 00:11
Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit
With a push up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb going on there - Zoolander 00:05
With a push up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb going...
I'm done Jaco I got a prostate the size of a honeydew - Zoolander 00:08
I'm done Jaco I got a prostate the size of a honeydew
So what time is it - Zoolander 00:19
So what time is it
Yo taste my pain bitch - Zoolander 00:05
Yo taste my pain bitch
Now this'll be a straight walk off old school rules - Zoolander 00:13
Now this'll be a straight walk off old school rules
Look I gotta go pee - Zoolander 00:12
Look I gotta go pee
You think you're too cool for school - Zoolander 00:15
You think you're too cool for school
Look I think I know what this is about - Zoolander 00:19
Look I think I know what this is about
I hear a lot of words like beauty and handsomeness - Zoolander 00:15
I hear a lot of words like beauty and handsomeness
I thought someone was gonna be reading our eugoogoly - Zoolander 00:07
I thought someone was gonna be reading our eugoogoly
How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read - Zoolander 00:08
How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to...
Well I guess I would have to answer your question with another question - Zoolander 00:12
Well I guess I would have to answer your question with...
What do we do when we fall off the horse - Zoolander 00:18
What do we do when we fall off the horse
Yeah you're cool to hide here - Zoolander 00:26
Yeah you're cool to hide here
Done it Done it in a while yeah - Zoolander 00:10
Done it Done it in a while yeah
Obey my dog - Zoolander 00:08
Obey my dog
You is talkin' loco and I like it - Zoolander 00:13
You is talkin' loco and I like it
He can take a crap wrap it in tin foil put a couple of fishhooks on it - Zoolander 00:09
He can take a crap wrap it in tin foil put a couple of...
And I felt like This guy's really hurting me - Zoolander 00:11
And I felt like This guy's really hurting me
Hansel He's so hot right now Hansel - Zoolander 00:05
Hansel He's so hot right now Hansel
So join now because at the Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids - Zoolander 00:15
So join now because at the Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids
Excuse me bro You're excused - Zoolander 00:11
Excuse me bro You're excused
Do as you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime minister - Zoolander 00:09
Do as you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime...
It's a walk off - Zoolander 00:09
It's a walk off
Derek Derek Are you worried about Hansel - Zoolander 00:09
Derek Derek Are you worried about Hansel
They're in the computer - Zoolander 00:05
They're in the computer
And the way Hansel combs his hair Or like doesn't - Zoolander 00:32
And the way Hansel combs his hair Or like doesn't
Hey Mugatu Screw you and your little dog too - Zoolander 00:06
Hey Mugatu Screw you and your little dog too
If nobody has any objections - Zoolander 00:11
If nobody has any objections
Orange mocha frappuccino Orange mocha frappuccino - Zoolander 00:06
Orange mocha frappuccino Orange mocha frappuccino
Hey there Derek My name is Lit' Kteatus - Zoolander 00:29
Hey there Derek My name is Lit' Kteatus
I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade - Zoolander 00:26
I guess it would have to be the first time I went through...
This has been an emotional day for all of us - Zoolander 00:18
This has been an emotional day for all of us
Read your little Time magazine or whatever it's called - Zoolander 00:07
Read your little Time magazine or whatever it's called
I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid - Zoolander 00:17
I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a...
I'm not an ambi turner - Zoolander 00:06
I'm not an ambi turner
So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius - Zoolander 00:30
So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius
Who am I - Zoolander 00:04
Who am I
Wait a minute - Zoolander 00:15
Wait a minute
I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad eugoogolizer I am - Zoolander 00:19
I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad eugoogolizer I...
So l guess you can Dere lick my balls c pitan - Zoolander 00:18
So l guess you can Dere lick my balls c pitan
When I was in seventh grade I was the fat kid in my class - Zoolander 00:08
When I was in seventh grade I was the fat kid in my class
And most important of all models don't think for themselves - Zoolander 00:12
And most important of all models don't think for themselves
Derek you did it That was amazing - Zoolander 00:16
Derek you did it That was amazing
I've been trying to reach you for a week - Zoolander 00:21
I've been trying to reach you for a week
But why male models - Zoolander 00:19
But why male models
Shut up - Zoolander 00:48
Shut up
Why do you hate models Matilda - Zoolander 00:22
Why do you hate models Matilda
Ouch Oh I'm sorry - Zoolander 00:16
Ouch Oh I'm sorry
There was a moment last night - Zoolander 00:22
There was a moment last night
I feel really bad that good looking people like us - Zoolander 00:12
I feel really bad that good looking people like us
It's that damn Hansel - Zoolander 00:05
It's that damn Hansel
I wasn't like every other kid who dreams about being an astronaut - Zoolander 00:34
I wasn't like every other kid who dreams about being an...
So I became - Zoolander 00:23
So I became
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really really good looking - Zoolander 00:09
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really...
What is this - Zoolander 00:36
What is this
Rufus Brint and Meekus were like brothers to me - Zoolander 00:37
Rufus Brint and Meekus were like brothers to me
To the Malaysian Prime Minister Hassan - Zoolander 00:36
To the Malaysian Prime Minister Hassan
And now that you're retired I can't have you - Zoolander 00:04
And now that you're retired I can't have you
Think about it Derek - Zoolander 00:26
Think about it Derek

Cast

Derek Zoolander - Ben Stiller
Hansel - Owen Wilson
Matilda Jeffries - Christine Taylor
Mugatu - Will Ferrell
Katinka - Milla Jovovich
Maury Ballstein - Jerry Stiller
J.P. Prewitt - David Duchovny
Larry Zoolander - Jon Voight
Scrappy Zoolander - Judah Friedlander
Donald Trump - Donald Trump
Christian Slater - Christian Slater
Tom Ford - Tom Ford
Cuba Gooding Jr. - Cuba Gooding Jr.
Steve Kmetko - Steve Kmetko
Tommy Hilfiger - Tommy Hilfiger
Natalie Portman - Natalie Portman
Fabio - Fabio
Lenny Kravitz - Lenny Kravitz
Gwen Stefani - Gwen Stefani
Heidi Klum - Heidi Klum
Mark Ronson - Mark Ronson
Paris Hilton - Paris Hilton
David Bowie - David Bowie
Tyson Beckford - Tyson Beckford
Self - Fred Durst
Lance Bass - Lance Bass
L'il Kim - Lil' Kim
Garry Shandling - Garry Shandling
Claudia Schiffer - Claudia Schiffer
Veronica Webb - Veronica Webb
Lukas Haas - Lukas Haas
Carmen Kass - Carmen Kass
Frankie Rayder - Frankie Rayder
Scott Strasbaugh - Scott Strasbaugh
Pauly J - Pauly J
Archie - Matt Levin
K-Roc - K-Roc
Evil DJ - Justin Theroux
Stevie D. - Stevie D
Olga - The Masseuse - Andy Dick
Prime Minister of Malaysia - Woodrow W. Asai
Hansel's Corner Guy - Andrew Wilson
Hansel's Posse - Vikram Chatwal
Hansel's Posse - Kashana
Hansel's Posse - Jonah Luber
Hansel's Posse - Michael McAlpin
Hansel's Posse - Eve Salvail
Hansel's Posse - Shavo Odadjian
Hansel's Posse - Eliot Johnson
Hansel's Posse - Richard Gladys
Hansel's Posse - Amy Stiller
Italian Designer - John Vargas
American Designer - Jennifer Coolidge
French Designer - Tony Kanal
German Designer - Endre Hules
British Designer - Nora Dunn
Derek's Interview Hairstylist - Ric Pipino
VH1 Reporter - Jerry Stahl
Mugatu Model - Jennifer McComb
Mugatu Bodyguard - Johann Urb
Mugatu Bodyguard - Luc Commeret
Time Magazine Reader - Herb Lieberz
Night Club Security - Colin McNish
Night Club Security - Darren Copeland
Night Club Bouncer - Richard Stanley
Night Club Bouncer - Shabazz Ray
Night Club Bouncer - Rohan Quine
Billy Zane's Date - Svetlana
Abraham Lincoln - Charles L. Brame
John Wilkes Booth - James Marsden
JFK Assassin - Rudy Segura
JFK Assassin - Randall Slavin
Monkey Photographer - Patton Oswalt
Sherpa - Stan Chu
Climber - Ming Ho Kum
Cool Tattoo Girl - Theo Kogan
Dalai Lama Guy - Lam Bor
Funky Loft Guest - Angel 11:11
Freaky Loft Guest - Luther Creek
Funky Loft Guest - Dechen Thurman
Funky Loft Guest - Kenny Max
Maori Tribesman - David Pressman
Janitor Derek - Godfrey
Janitor Hansel - Taj Crown
Derelicte Doorman - Richie Rich
Derek's Derelicte Hairstylist - Frederic Fekkai
Derek's Derelicte Make-up Artist - Kevyn Aucoin
Zoolander Center Student - Boris Kachscovsky
Infomercial Director - Mitch Winston
Derek, Jr. - Mason Webb
Story Hour Girl - Alexa Nikolas
Paparazzi - Akiko Ashley
Fashionista - Elizabeth Bank
Victoria Beckham - Victoria Beckham
Sandra Bernhard - Sandra Bernhard
Fashionista - Jennifer R. Blake
Malan Breton - Malan Breton
Walk-Off Audience - Dave Brockie
Chloe (Hansel's Posse) - Kristen Bronson
VH1 Fashion Awards Worker - Autumn Leigh Brown
Emma Bunton - Emma Bunton
VH1 Fashion Awards Worker - Kadrolsha Ona Carole
guest Model - Cher Cosenza
Police Officer - Joseph D'Angelo
Walk-Off Audience - Balsac the Jaws of Death
Stephen Dorff - Stephen Dorff
Fashionista - Jennifer Dorogi
Model - Kristen Fick
Fashionista - Eric Floyd
Fashionista - Kristen Hagen
Model Twin - Taylor Gerard Hart
Ethan Higbee - Ethan Higbee
Walk-Off Audience - Slymenstra Hymen
Stylist - Tina Kobas
Karl Lagerfeld - Karl Lagerfeld
Model in Club - Gregory J. Lucas
Walk-Off Audience - Kala Mandrake
V.V.V.I.P. Guest - Gregori J. Martin
Walk-Off Audience - Flattus Maximus
Protestor - Anne Meara
Walk-Off Audience - Beefcake The Mighty
Mogatus Model - Alexandria Morrow
Billy Zane's Friend - Stephen Nolly
Audience Member - Guy Perry
Model - Amanda Pham
Hansel Posse Member - Lisa Ann Phillips
Gavin Rossdale - Gavin Rossdale
Winona Ryder - Winona Ryder
VVVIP Lounge Bartender - Kevin Squires
European Immigrant - Melania Trump
Hansel's Posse - Jeff Van Atta
Runway Model - Rolando J. Vargas
Luke Zoolander - Vince Vaughn
Donatella Versace - Donatella Versace
Paparazzi - Craig Welzbacher
Billy Zane - Billy Zane
Night Club Door Person -
Derelicte Bouncer -