Transcript:
The General:
Do you know how long it's been since a young woman invited me into her apartment?
Tanja:
I didn't invite you. | Do you know how long it's been since a young woman invited me into her apa...
Transcript:
The General:
Quite a pair, aren't we? I can't keep a relationship, you're too scared to have one. | Quite a pair aren't we I can't keep a relationship you're too scared to have one
Transcript:
The General:
I'm not really here. At this very moment, I'm hidden in a mountain barracks. I'm skiing in northern Slovenia. I'm sunning myself on the Dalmatian Coast. I'm tending sheep on a Serbian mou...
Transcript:
Tanja:
[busts into the door holding a gun]
The General:
Gentlemen, my maid. | Gentlemen my maid
Scene Description:
a woman points a gun to a man in a dark room.
Transcript:
Colin Quinn:
He live in the back of a hardware store - come to school smellin' like cut keys! | He live in the back of the hardware store come in smellin like cut keys
Transcript:
Nurse Betty:
Doctor! What kind of visitor was this?
Dr. Reinhardt:
Why don't you ask him yourself. He's been waiting all morning to eat you.
[the whalewolf spots Betty, and begins to chase after her...
Scene Description:
a woman in a white nurse uniform is looking at something.
Transcript:
Ray:
Friends?
[shakes Sharktopus' tentacle, it repeatedly smacks him]
Ray:
I guess not. I hate sharks! | Friends I guess not I hate sharks
Scene Description:
a shark with the mouth open and the mouth open.
Transcript:
Dr. Reinhardt:
I'm going to need a bigger needle. | I'm gonna throw her a lifeline
Transcript:
Mustafa:
[giving newlywed advice as an older couple flamenco dances]
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Yes, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God....
Transcript:
Mustafa:
All work is noble. You work that you may keep peace with the earth, and the soul of the earth. For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons, and to step out of life's procession th...
Transcript:
Mustafa:
Let us not be too quick to call others evil. For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst? Truly when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, ...
Transcript:
[last lines]
Mustafa:
When you part from your friend, you grieve not. For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence. And let there be no purpose in friendship, save the deepening ...
Transcript:
Mustafa:
There are all kinds of cages. This house has been mine for seven years. My crime? Poetry. | Well Almitra there are all kinds of cages This house has been mine for seven years My crime Poetry
Transcript:
Pasha:
[about newlyweds]
Kissing. That's all he knows. Give her time to eat, for heaven's sake.
Mustafa:
[crowd laughing]
They're newly weds. That's what they're supposed to do, right?
Grand Father:...
Transcript:
Halim:
[befuddled]
I know everyone sees me as this self-assured, dauntless, impenetrable fortress of strength.
[grape plops into his wine glass]
Halim:
Ahh! But, um, the truth is, and this might sur...
Transcript:
Jarek Novak:
You know, mosquitoes, bed bugs, fleas, ticks - they all carry disease, yes? But instead of spreading sickness, why not change the formula. Make them carry genetically modified viruses? An...
Transcript:
Carrie Fisher:
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. | Resentment is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die
Transcript:
Carrie Fisher:
You know how they way "Religion is the opiate of the masses?" Well I took masses of opiates religiously! | You know how they say religion is the opiate of the masses Well I took masses ...
Transcript:
Carrie Fisher:
Where I am may not be everyone's view of Heaven, but if I'm quiet enough, I can hear the angels sing. Either that or I fucked up my medication. | that many of us only seem able to find ...
Transcript:
Carrie Fisher:
I haven't been naked in fifteen years. And I haven't been sleeveless in twenty. Some of you ladies would know what I'm talking about. | I have been having a series of e C T Treatments D...
Transcript:
Sara:
My mother's just afraid of change.
Michael:
Most people are, nowadays. | My mother's just afraid of change Most people are nowadays
Transcript:
Sara:
How long do you want to stay here?
Margaret:
I don't know. Until your baby's born.
Sara:
I'm not going back to the basement.
Margaret:
That's our home.
Sara:
No it's not. We're refugees, rem...
Transcript:
Ms. Mynard:
Umm, what about my radio boy?
David:
I couldn't get him.
Ms. Mynard:
Why not?
David:
He had help.
Ms. Mynard:
So did you!
David:
He had more help. | What about my radio boy I couldn't...
Transcript:
Michael:
What the Hell's going on?
Quincy:
God damn son, somebody's shooting at us! | The hell's goin' on Well goddamn son somebody's shootin' at us
Transcript:
Samuel:
Uh-uh, one question a piece. My turn. That is how you two do this, correct? Each person in the room gets to ask one question, until everyone's motives are out in the open. Aren't you curious h...
Transcript:
Sara:
My mother says you're a foolish for trying to talk to that other man.
Michael:
Yeah?
Sara:
She says he's probably 100 miles away from here.
Michael:
Once upon a time, 100 miles wasn't very fa...
Transcript:
David:
Kill those lights! Speak, monkey. | Kill those lights Speak monkey
Transcript:
Marina Del Ray:
[about Sebastian being the king's advisor]
Oohhh that Sebastian! I despise him! I LOATHE him! | Ooh That Sebastian I despise him I loathe him Never heard that one
Transcript:
Queen Athena:
[last words]
Our song. | Our song
Transcript:
General Romeo Dallaire:
We're going to stay to bear witness to what the rest of the world doesn't want to see. | We're gonna stay to bear witness to what the rest of the world doesn't wanna see
Transcript:
General Romeo Dallaire:
Somebody once said that peacekeeping is not a soldier's job, but only a soldier can do it! | Somebody said that peacekeeping is not a soldier's job but only a soldier can do it
Transcript:
Paul Kagame:
They keep changing the rules. They don't want to share power with us. Can't you see they're stalling? We decide to resume hostilities, I'll give you twenty four hours' notice.
General Ro...
Transcript:
General Romeo Dallaire:
Nobody told me how damn beautiful it was going to be. | Nobody told me how damn beautiful it was gonna be
Transcript:
Bangladeshi Commander:
This is our encampment, General. These people should not be here, they have no right to be here! Why do they choose to come here?
General Romeo Dallaire:
Maybe they believe you...
Transcript:
Paul Kagame:
The government must stop murdering Tutsis or we will attack. They have until sunset. | The government must stop murdering Tutsis or we will attack Tell them they have until sunset
Transcript:
Ghanian General Henry Anyidoho:
Our mandate is over, General. There is no more peace to keep. | Our mandate is over General There is no more peace to keep
Transcript:
Luc Marchal:
I told him, don't do this. I said we are deserting our mission. It's a shameful thing to do.
General Romeo Dallaire:
You stayed well beyond your orders, Colonel. Your men are good men. I...
Transcript:
Ghanian General Henry Anyidoho:
They're killing everyone. All the moderate politicians and their families, and even Hutus who try to help the Tutsis. The city's in chaos. | More bad news sir they're k...
Transcript:
Chev Chelios:
I know what I'm going to have to do.
Orlando:
What's that?
Chev Chelios:
I'm going to have to kick some black ass. | l know what l have to do Well shit A man's got to do what a man's g...
Transcript:
Verona:
Hey CHELIOS! You know I been thinkin' about doing in your mystery girl too! yea? Yeah thats RIGHT! I know about HER! And then...
[interrupted]
Chev Chelios:
[Sarcastically]
Yea, yeah, your g...
Transcript:
Eve:
Take me now, in front of all these people! | Take me right here in front of everyone
Transcript:
[He's driving recklessly while she abruptly stops performing fellatio on him]
Chev Chelios:
Hey, you can't stop! I'm not finished!
Eve:
And have you fall asleep? No way! | Come on let's finish what ...
Transcript:
Santa Claus:
I'm Santa Claus, not fuckin' Dracula! | I'm Santa Claus Not fucking Dracula
Transcript:
Nicholas Yuleson:
The clock just struck midnight at the pole. Christmas is officially over for you, Santa!
Santa Claus:
You know, most people make the same mistake. The correct time at the pole is co...
Transcript:
[entering the strip club]
Santa Claus:
Ho, ho...
[oogles topless waitress as she walks past him]
Santa Claus:
[lustily]
HOES... | Ho ho ho Oh no
Scene Description:
a man in a santa suit is entering a door.
Transcript:
Gwen Mason:
[panicked, desperately]
I've been good!
[Santa hits her with a table leg] | Yeah I've been busy
Transcript:
Mr. Green:
Here you go.
[hands Mrs Talbot her sandwich]
Mr. Green:
And have a very happy holiday there Mrs Talbot.
Mrs. Talbot:
Don't use that political language shit with me, it's Christmas so wis...
Transcript:
Santa Claus:
I see you have met my helldeer
Pastor Timmons:
What in god's name are you doing?
Santa Claus:
Why I'm just trying to spread a little yuletide FEAR! | I see you've met my hell deer What ...
Transcript:
Santa Claus:
Looks like Grandpa got run over by a reindeer. | Aww grandpa got run over by a reindeer
Scene Description:
a man laying in the snow with his head buried in the snow.
Transcript:
Santa Claus:
[while reading a copy of the book 'A Christmas Carol' in the school library]
Boy, Christmas can sure scare the Dickens out of people. | Christmas can sure scare the Dickens out of people
Transcript:
Virginia Mason:
Santa?
[laughs nervously]
Santa Claus:
Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus! | I wanna see that man Santa Claus
Transcript:
Mary "Mac" Mackenzie:
You hit like a girl.
Nicholas Yuleson:
You kiss like a guy. | Yeah but you hit like a girl Yeah well you kiss like a guy
Transcript:
Nicholas Yuleson:
We're trapped in closet on Christmas with Santa trying to murder us. How fucked up is that? | We're trapped in a closet on Christmas with Santa trying to murder us How fucked up is t...
Transcript:
Nicholas Yuleson:
You're gonna need to suck it in.
[Nicholas sees that mac is stuck in the window]
Mary "Mac" Mackenzie:
You're in the need for some top.
[Nicholas poises his hands above Mac's ches...
Scene Description:
two people in a car, one of which has the number 1 on it.
Transcript:
Pastor Timmons:
Honey I had the most terrible nightmare.
Santa Claus:
Visions of sugarplums?
[Santa hits Pastor over the head with a mallet] | Honey I had the most terrible nightmare Visions of suga...
Scene Description:
a man with a santa hat is talking to another man.
Transcript:
Santa Claus:
[smirking while he's reading his list]
Who's next? | Maybe his next killing
Transcript:
Santa Claus:
Christmas is over when I say it's over! | is that Christmas is over when I say it's over
Transcript:
Nicholas Yuleson:
Great. He'll never find us now
Mary "Mac" Mackenzie:
Shut your hole and help me through this window | Great he'll never find us now Okay shut your hole and help me through this wind...
Scene Description:
a person wearing a black glove is reaching out from a broken window.
Transcript:
Mary "Mac" Mackenzie:
Wicked, your grandfather's an angel. Told you he'd look after you.
Nicholas Yuleson:
I swear i'll never take the lord's name in vain again
Grandpa:
You're forgiven Nicholas | W...
Transcript:
[deleted scene; Daniel and Sam are discussing Sam's true love]
Daniel:
Option One: ask her out.
Sam:
Impossible.
Daniel:
Fair enough. Option Two: become her friend.
Sam:
She's the most popular gir...
Transcript:
Cal:
Women are just different than men. They want different things. I mean, Jesus Christ, I don't want to see anyone for that many days in a row. | women are just different than men sighs They want di...
Transcript:
Dulcie:
[undressing Cal]
I'm doing this for myself. Say "me too"? | I' m doing this for myself okay
Transcript:
[first lines]
Cal:
I'm sorry.
Joanie:
No, *I'm* sorry.
Cal:
No, it's not your... fault, it's mine.
Joanie:
I should have listened to you. You said you didn't want to have people over. I just thoug...
Transcript:
Cal:
Why do you control his life?
Margaret:
I don't control him, I support him. Most men with bad marriages can't understand that. | Why do you control his life What I don' t control him I support hi...
Transcript:
Meg:
[jumping into his car out of the rain]
Thanks for stopping. God, it's pouring!
Cal:
Did I stop?
Meg:
Yeah. Thank you so much.
Cal:
I didn't know I'd even stopped.
Meg:
That's a trick. You sta...
Transcript:
Jack:
[to Cal]
You haven't changed at all. I bet you haven't done one good thing since I saw you last. And I bet you won't. | You haven' t changed at all I' ll bet you haven' t done one good thing sin...
Transcript:
German Barbarian:
Ihr seid verfluchte hunde! | If she decides to be noble
