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[Frank Beck is talking to his men, from the Sandringham estate like himself, before they go off to fight]
Captain Frank Beck: Now I'd like to think that I have many sons. I've certainly held one or tw...
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Rosie: Tell me something, Porter. When did you decide to leave? Was it the night that we slept together?
Porter: No. It was the next day when I had to drive you to work.
Rosie: You could have asked me...
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Carter: I don't want Mr. Bronson hearing about this... he'll think I'm getting soft. One of his principles has always been: if you don't understand it, get rid of it... a stitch in time, so to speak,...
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Carter: There are three ways we can handle this. One: we can help you. Two: We can allow you to help yourself. And Three: We can have you replaced... We have an investment in you Resnick, of time,...
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Carter: There's an old expression that's served me well: "Do not shit where you eat." | There's an old expression that has served me well Do not shit where you eat Or live Do not shit where you live
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Porter: [voiceover] You'd think after five months of lying on my back, I would have given up any idea of getting even, just be a nice guy and call it a day. Nice guys are fine: you have to have...
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Porter: [voiceover] Nobody likes a monkey on his back: I had three, and they were cramping my style. I was gonna' have to lighten the load. | PORTER Nobody likes a monkey on their back l had three And...
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[first lines]
Jakob Heym: Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" And the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday." Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" And she replies,...
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George Shapiro: Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question: who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself? | Andy Andy you have to look inside and ask this question Who are you...
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Goofy: [singing while writing letter to Santa] Hark, the hairy angels sing! Come on, Maxie! At least hum a few bars!
Young Max Goof: Dad! Hurry up!
Goofy: [continues singing] Deck the walls with cows ...
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[Chip 'n' Dale are playing with a toy train inside a treehouse]
Dale: [imitating a train whistle] Whoo-whoo!
Chip: All aboard! Next stop, Waterville!
[both laugh] | All aboard Next stop Waterville
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[repeated line]
Aunt Gurtie: [to Huey, Dewey and Louie] Where are my boys? Where are my kisses? Ooh, I could just eat you up! | Where are my boys Where are my kisses Oh I could just eat you up CHUCKLE...
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Goofy: Of course there's a Santy. Otherwise, we'd have a lot of jobless elves running around. | Son of course there's a Santy Otherwise we'd have a lot of out of work elves running around
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Goofy: [to Max thinking he's Santa Claus] You sure do look a lot shorter than you do in your pictures... and slimmer too.
Young Max Goof: [imitating Santa] Oh, you know. Camera adds 50 pounds. | Oh we...
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Goofy: [covered with baking powder] It looks like we're going to have a white Christmas after all! | CHUCKLES Looks like it's gonna be a white Christmas after all
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Young Max Goof: Did you know that there are over two billion children in the world?
Goofy: Hmm. No wonder I keep trippin' over roller skates.
Young Max Goof: That means Santa would have to make, like,...
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Alvin: [tied up] Let me get this straight: the offer is a million dollars, or you kill me.
Bristol: Correct.
Alvin: You know, a million dollars ain't what it used to be, with taxes... | All right let ...
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Alvin: So I'm bouncing from toy to toy like I'm some sort of drunk dude. Mom's smiling. My father's smiling. It's all good, right? Then around 8:30, cops show up. Take the toys, take my father. But...
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[first lines]
Supervisor: Gentlemen, we owe a quarterly. Vault 23, encryption download.
Guard: Loaded.
Supervisor: Level five. Sonic, please.
Guard: Stable.
Supervisor: Motion?
Guard: Stable.
Supervis...
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Rusty Zimmerman: God Bless you and Fuck Off. | God bless you and fuck off
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Lawyer: The unlimited checkbook. That's how Big Tobacco wins every time on everything, they spend you to death. Six hundred million a year in outside legal - Chadbourne-Park, uh, Ken Starr's firm,...
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Lowell Bergman: You'd better take a *good* look, because I'm getting two things: pissed off and curious. | You better take a good look because I'm getting two things Pissed off and curious
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Demetrius: Chiron, thy years wants wit, thy wit wants edge and manners, to intrude where I am graced, and may for aught thou knowest, affected be.
Chiron: Demetrius, thou dost overween it all and so i...
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Alex Green: This is the most pretentious crap I've ever heard.
Ana Pauls: What?
Alex Green: I'm sorry.
Ana Pauls: I'm sorry, could you speak louder, please?
Alex Green: Do you think anybody sitting ar...
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Sir Robert: One mustn't believe everything one reads in the newspapers.
Gertrude: Yes, in the old days we had the rack. Nowadays we have the press. Your own newspaper being the notable exception, Sir ...
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Lord Arthur Goring: Bit of a long day today, I'm afraid. Distressingly little time for sloth or idleness.
Phipps: Sorry to hear it, sir.
Lord Arthur Goring: Well, not entirely your fault, Phipps. Not ...
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Laura: An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship. | An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship
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Lord Arthur Goring: [to statue] It is a great nuisance. I can't find anyone else to talk to. I'm so full of interesting information, I feel like the latest edition of something or other. Well, after...
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Lord Caversham: Do you always understand everything you say?
Lord Arthur Goring: Yes... if I listen attentively.
Lord Caversham: Conceited young puppy! | Do you always understand what you say sir Yes ...
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Lord Caversham: I don't know how you stand society. A lot of damned nobodies talking about nothing.
Lord Arthur Goring: I love talking about nothing, Father. It's the only thing I know anything about....
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Mabel: Lord Goring, I gather you're to be congratulated.
Lord Arthur Goring: Well, there's nothing I like more than to be congratulated, though invariably I find the pleasure immeasurably increased wh...
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Lord Arthur Goring: Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear. Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself. | You see Phipps fashion...
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Vlad Dracula: My father was in charge of my education. If I was destined to be the Anti-Christ, surely he would have mentioned it. | And your father Vlad My father was in charge of my education If I...
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Vlad Dracula: Bruno, have I told not you I am indestructible? | Bruno Have I not told you I was indestructible
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Radu: Why aren't you afraid? Why aren't you begging for your life, like any other man?!
Father Stefan: Because he's not like ANY OTHER MAN! And I knew it the moment he was delivered unto this world.
[...
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Radu: You are going to kill me, aren't you?
Vlad Dracula: You are a traitor to your people. You betrayed our father!
Radu: I never betrayed our father! Besides, if it weren't for me, you'd still be in...
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Leon Phelps: I have done it to a lot of ladies, and that makes me somewhat like an expert. I have a Ph.D. in tang, as it were. | I have done it to a lot of ladies and that makes me somewhat like an...
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Leon Phelps: I can understand you bein' angry, but you can't blame the Wang! | Fellas I can understand you bein' angry but you can't blame the wang
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Leon Phelps: You all need to listen to your ladies. You need to say to her, "Baby, what is it that you want?" Or, "Do you want to do it in the butt?" | You all need to listen to your ladies You need...
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[last lines]
Leon Phelps: Well. that is all the time we have. Until next time, this has been 'The Ladies Man'. | Well that is all the time we have Until next time this has been The Ladies Man
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Leon Phelps: Your husband is a little insecure because he's retirin', that's all. Don't worry. It's a passin' thing. Okay, Hillary? Now, I will see you and Bill this weekend. Okay? Bye-bye. | Your...
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Leon Phelps: She can do that amazing thing with her tongue. | She can do that amazing thing with her tongue you know what I'm talkin' about
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Leon Phelps: When we started to do it, all I could think about was Julie's face. I don't mean like thinkin' about some hot chick when you're bonin' a skank.This was sensitive! | Yeah When you sent...
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Honey DeLune: You'd better take the oil, Leon. It's pretty rough without the oil. | You'd better take the oil Leon It's pretty rough without the oil
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Lance DeLune: You've gotta take that defeatist attitude and subdue it. Wrestle it to the ground. Pin its its well-oiled and musky form down hard. Let it feel your-your soft breath on -on the back of...
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Leon Phelps: You know something, Julie? I'm realizing that my life really sucks. You know whose fault it is, don't you? It is the fault of the Wang. I should cut this thing off.
Julie Simmons: You're ...
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Aloysius: Cleaner than a broke-dick dog. | Cleaner than a broke dick dog
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Leon Phelps: [on the phone] Listen, ever since we last saw each other, I have had this achin' in my soul.
Honey DeLune: Oh, you did?
Leon Phelps: Yeah. How about I come over there and go to town on yo...
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Leon Phelps: I brought you some flowers. They look and feel plastic, but they smell real. And also I bought you a box of my favorite Mexican wine. | Sorry about that I brought you some flowers...
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Leon Phelps: Have a good time tonight. Play some AI Green and smack her on the ass. She likes that. | Play some Al Green and smack her on the ass She likes that
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Audrey: I've got a crazy idea. I've got a few minutes before I go on. Let's have a quickie for old time's sake.
Leon Phelps: That's not a crazy idea. I like that idea and I will support it.
Audrey: Le...
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Leon Phelps: [over the PA system at Comiskey Park] What's happenin', Chicago? Ladies, if you are rich and I boned you, could you please meet me at the nacho cart? Also, if you are rich and you want to...
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Candy: Julie told me that while they were datin', there were some things that Cyrus didn't have a taste for. | Yeah well Julie told me that while they were datin' there were some things that Cyrus...
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Mail Man: Okay, I can't believe this. I meet you under the stands at a dog track. You sweet-talk me into leaving. Next thing you know, I'm bustin' slobs with you in a bathroom of a Chuck E. Cheese....
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Lance DeLune: The point is, we may not know his name, but we're onto him. And one day, he'll slip up. And when he does, we're gonna be there to nail him and cut his balls off! | The point is we may...
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Theresa: [knock at the door] Leon Phelps. You miserable, fatheaded jackass... .
Leon Phelps: Theresa!
Theresa: What the hell are you doing here? I hoped you were dead.
Leon Phelps: No, I'm not dead. S...
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Leon Phelps: Cyrus Cunningham? Your ex-fiancé? The one that dumped you? The one with the three-inch penis? | Cyrus Cunningham Your ex fianc The one that dumped you The one with the three inch penis
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Leon Phelps: [with a map and a pointer] Years ago I was in the army, and we spent a lot of time in this area here. The army, they called it Asia, but I like to call it Freaky-Deeky Sex World. | Now...
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Soul Station Manager: I was in training for the U.S. Olympic Team. My sport: Greco-Roman wrestling. My wife and I didn't have a perfect marriage. Maybe I didn't understand her needs. But she...
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Julie Simmons: Last time I trusted you, you told the city of Chicago to do it in the butt. | Last time I trusted you you told the city of Chicago to do it in the butt
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Leon Phelps: This is what I like to call the L.A. Forum, because this is where the Magic happens. | this is what I like to call the L A Forum because this is where the magic happens
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Soul Station Manager: Our morning anchor quit, out of the blue. And we are desperate for someone to fill her old slot.
Leon Phelps: Well, that's no problem, 'cause I have a lot of experience at fillin...
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Leon Phelps: We're gonna take a break right now. We'll be back in a few moments with the answer to our survey: What is your favorite hole? | Well Okay sir listen We're gonna take a break right now...
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Leon Phelps: You see, I like to help people. That is what I do. You know, l am like Mother Teresa, but - of bonin'. You see what I'm sayin'? | Thank you Candy You see I like to help people That is...
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Leon Phelps: What seems to be your query? | Uh yes you are What seems to be your query
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Julie Simmons: I told you before, Leon, it's not a yacht if you get mail there. It's more like a trailer park of the sea. | I told you before Leon it's not a yacht if you get mail there Mm hmm It's...
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Scrap Iron: Leon, I think she gonna be a tough shoe to polish.
Leon Phelps: Au contraire, bon jour. | Scrap Leon I think she gonna be a tough shoe to polish Leon Au contraire Bon Jour
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Leon Phelps: If you have a romantic query and you are under the age of 50, and you're not freaky or disgustin', please give us a call. | So if you have a romantic query and you are under the age of 50...