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Billy 'Shiner' Simpson: For thirty years now, I have been hitting my head against a brick wall! They'd never give me a license to promote, not for ages! Probably because, well, because I wear dark...
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Ballmer: [People shouting "Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve"] Tell me something. When did this stop being a business and start being a religion? | Tell me something When did this stop being a business and...
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Hiro: Nobody in their right mind would ever guess that Belle's user is actually a mousy nobody like you from some remote town! | Nobody in their right mind would ever guess that Bell's user is...
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Walter Carpenter: Honey, your grandmother and I are thinking about having a wedding gift museum.
Maggie Carpenter: [beat] Stop.
Walter Carpenter: What?
Maggie Carpenter: Stop. Don't say another word l...
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Theresa Osborne: Have you lived here your whole life?
Garret Blake: Not yet. | Have you lived here your whole life Not yet
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Melanie 'Mel' Porter: We're supposed to meet the boys at 2:00 tomorrow. How are we gonna pull that off?
Allyson 'Ally' Porter: Well, we can't keep ditching Jeremy. I'm actually kinda feeling bad for t...
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Friend of Aly and Melanie: She was totally edging on my squeeze, so I dinged her with a bounce-bounce in the numbers lab. | She was totally edging on my squeeze So I dinged her with a bounce bounce in...
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Cruz: Bad guys I can deal with, but aliens? They freak me out, man. | Bad guys I could deal with but aliens they freak me out man
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Wilson: They were together how long?
Ed: Five years, a long time.
Wilson: There you go. Jenny must have liked him.
Ed: Jenny would say, "Hey, here's my friend Eddie." He'd shake my hand and everything...
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Wilson: How you doin' then? All right, are you? Now look, squire, you're the guv'nor here, I can see that. I'm in your manor now. So there's no need to get your knickers in a twist. Whatever this...
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Elizabeth: [getting emotional] I didn't want to put her in that place! But I had to. I had no other choice. She needed professional help. Now it is Carla turn, and I am going to protect her! And...
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Elizabeth: I also enrolled her in a calligraphy class, an origami class. I even got her into that...
Dr. Johnson: She doesn't want to do those things. They don't interest her. They don't work for her....
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Elizabeth: I feel like I'm the mother of a dedicated underachiever, a gay workaholic, and Carla, who thinks she can conquer this whole terrifying world that we live in.
Dr. Radley Tate: Honey, you're ...
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Heather: Mother, being gay is not a diagnosis. It's not a disease I'm going to recover from, or a phase I'm going to outgrow.
Elizabeth: I know what being gay is, okay? I give to gay causes. I support...
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Daniel McMann: A-Another reason I got mad is 'cause I didn't want you to think I was dumb.
Carla Tate: I could never think that. | An Another reason I got mad is 'cause I I didn't want you to think I ...
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Carla Tate: I love polytechnic school! | I love Polytechnic School
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Carla Tate: No matter how long I wait I can't be a painter, and I can't play tennis, and I'm not an artist. But I know how to do something, and I can love. | And no matter how long I wait I can't be a...
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[Danny is proposing to Carla, right in the middle of Caroline's wedding]
Dr. Radley Tate: You know, I thought our worst problem was gonna be parking. | You know I thought our worst problem was gonna b...
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[Danny, dressed in a dog costume, is introducing himself to Elizabeth]
Daniel McMann: Don't worry, 'cause I've been house trained. | Don't worry 'cause I've been house trained
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Dr. Radley Tate: When you reach a certain age and you're not talking to your children, I think you're missing a very important part of the journey. | When you reach a certain age and you're not...
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Carla Tate: [quoting one of her teachers] Yeah, and she also told me that people like us, they - boys can try to take advantage and that they'll try to coitus us. So if that should ever happen, to...
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Daniel McMann: I love you every minute. I love you more than band music and cookie-making. | 'Cause I I I I love you every minute I love you more than band music and cookie making
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[to his wife about their daughters]
Dr. Radley Tate: Honey, you're doing fine. They're not drug addicts; they're not axe murderers. ...They're not *Democrats*. | Honey they're doing fine They're not d...
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[after watching a couple do a body shot in a bar]
Carla Tate: Normal couples don't do that. They're from college. | The regular regular couples don't do that Daniel They're from college Yeah
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Daniel McMann: Look at the buses, watch 'em.
Carla Tate: Why, what are they gonna do?
Daniel McMann: They pull in, and then they pull out, and they turn, and they back up. | Look at the buses Watch 'e...
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Carla Tate: I wonder who thought up sex in the first place, Danny?
Daniel McMann: I-I think it was Madonna, actually. | I wonder who thought up sex in the first place Daniel L I I think it was Madonna...
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David de La Paz: Now you know why we're not too friendly with the local cops? | Now you know why we don't get friendly with the cops around here
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[repeated line]
The Candyman: Be my victim! | Be my victim
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Coach Winchell: Remember last time? That, uh, that thing you did with the thing? Um, oh yeah. Okay. | Remember last time That uh that thing you did with the thing
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Jo Lynn Jordan: Okay, Operation Scandal underway. Now, we need, uh, a plan. We need supplies. We need one naked high school student... | Okay Operation Scandal underway Now we need uh a plan We need...
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Leigh Ann Watson: Well, if we're gonna go down, we might as well make it count, right? | Well if we're gonna go down we might as well make it count right
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Leigh Ann Watson: This can't be the only way to get into college. | This can't be the only way to get into college
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Mrs. Tingle: Your concern begins and ends with Leigh Ann. Don't worry, Luke. She's attracted to you. I can tell.
Luke Churner: No, Leigh Ann's pretty repulsed by me.
Mrs. Tingle: Oh, come on, Luke. Yo...
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Luke Churner: What do you think?
Jo Lynn Jordan: Black mail?
Luke Churner: Dirty pictures. I'll get into bed with Tingle, and we'll use them to threaten her.
Jo Lynn Jordan: Oh, how scandalous. I love...
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Jo Lynn Jordan: Oh, it is wicked.
Leigh Ann Watson: And wrong and immoral, and...
Luke Churner: So is she. | Oh it is wicked And wrong and immoral and we
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Leigh Ann Watson: I gotta go home and check on my mom. She likes to leave cigarettes burning. | I gotta go home and check on my mom She likes to leave cigarettes burning
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Jo Lynn Jordan: Oh, God, I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored. I can't believe you don't have a TV. I mean, it's like not having toilet paper. I could be at home, watching Sally Jesse or Oprah or Jerry....
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Luke Churner: You know, she looks kinda like that movie, you know, where the demon chick upchucks all over everybody. | You know she looks kinda like that movie you know where the demon chick upchucks...
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Leigh Ann Watson: You can't go to a teacher's house at night. It's inappropriate. | You can't go to a teacher's house at night It's inappropriate
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Jo Lynn Jordan: We'll just go to Tingle, okay? It's worth a shot. | We'll just go to Tingle okay It's worth a shot
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Luke Churner: You're not calling the shots anymore, Tingle. It's time for Tingle to learn a lesson. | You're not calling the shots anymore Tingle It's time for Tingle to learn a lesson
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Leigh Ann Watson: What do you suggest, we kerosene the place? | What do you suggest we kerosene the place
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Jo Lynn Jordan: The innocent always look more guilty when defending themselves. | The innocent always look more guilty when defending themselves
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Jo Lynn Jordan: All right, come here, cheese ball, and don't make me cry. You know I'm easy. | I'm gonna miss you All right come here cheese ball and don't make me cry You know I'm easy
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Miss Gold: Miss Tingle's a bitch. She hates everyone. She even hates me. | Mrs Tingle hates me Miss Tingle's a bitch She hates everyone She even hates me
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Luke Churner: [sees and Leigh Ann and Jo Lynn embracing] Can we make this a three way? What do you say? Now, what are you two lovely ladies doing on this hard, wooden floor? | Can we make this a three...
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Luke Churner: Tempting, isn't it? Sort of brings up all those moral questions.
Leigh Ann Watson: Slither away. | Tempting isn't it Sort of brings up all those moral questions
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Luke Churner: Why is it we never dated?
Jo Lynn Jordan: We did! Almost. Once. We were this close to hooking up at Mandy Kate's birthday party. Sophomore year, when I was still an A cup with braces. It...
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Faye Watson: Look at this. This is brilliant. My little girl the writer. You're gonna make it. You're gonna get out of here. I just know it.
Leigh Ann Watson: You didn't do so bad.
Faye Watson: Yeah. ...
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Jo Lynn Jordan: [impersonating Marilyn Monroe] I ask you to ask not what your mistress can do for you, but what your mistress can do for your country. | to ask not what your mistress can do for you...
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Jo Lynn Jordan: It was this little voice inside of me that just said, Do it!
Leigh Ann Watson: That's why it's a little voice, Jo Lynn. You're not supposed to listen to it.
Jo Lynn Jordan: No, Leigh A...
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Leigh Ann Watson: Listen, I need your senior prophecy for the last issue. The deadline's tomorrow.
Jo Lynn Jordan: I don't know what to say. I hate that senior shit.
Leigh Ann Watson: Just think of wh...
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Mrs. Tingle: I requested those materials some time ago.
Principal Potter: We don't have the money.
Mrs. Tingle: Mr. Potter, I'm sure if you take another look at that nasty budget, ingenuity will aboun...
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Mrs. Tingle: The smartest girl in school caught cheating, the *irony* of it all. | The smartest girl in school caught cheating The irony of it all
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Coach Winchell: But it's me, Spanky.
Jo Lynn Jordan: [behind a locked door, impersonating Mrs. Tingle] What are you doing here - Spanky?
Coach Winchell: I miss my - Chilly Mama. | I'm not well But it'...
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Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was ultimately burned at the stake. It's documented.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Miss Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain sim...
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Alec: [to hostages, flaunting his automatic weapon] Say hello to my little friend! | say hello to my little friend
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Sara: You know Calabasas is full of fucking J.A.P.s and daddy's girls. I didn't exactly have the debutante thing goin' on. One day I saw her at McDonalds with the nose job crew. That was before I knew...
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Ray Pluto: Did you notice women sometimes call each other "guys", you know. They say "Let's go guys!" and there's only girls there.
Jerry Cubbins: Yeah I've seen them do that.
Ray Pluto: Never guys go...
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Dr. Ann Beamer: You know, I've never had sex with a policeman before. | I've never had sex with a policeman before
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Peppy Miller: Take me home. I want to be alone. | Take me home I want to be alone
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Auctioneer: [to George] Congratulations ! It's all sold, you've got nothing left ! | Congratulations It's all sold you've got nothing left
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Journalist: Your movie doesn't come out until tomorrow and you're already Hollywood's new sweetheart ! How do you explain that? | Your movie doesn't come out until tomorrow and you're already...
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George Valentin: Where are you going, Miss? We have a picture to shoot. | Where are you going Miss We have a picture to shot
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Peppy Miller: My name's Miller. Peppy Miller! | The name's Miller Peppy Miller
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Al Zimmer: Don't laugh, George ! That's the future.
George Valentin: If that's the future, you can have it ! | Don't laugh George That's the future If that's the future you can have it
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Peppy Miller: Out with the old, in with the new. Make way for the young ! That's life ! | Out with the old in with the new Make way for the young That's the life
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Al Zimmer: Perfect! Beautiful! Could you give me just one more?
George Valentin: With pleasure. | Perfect Beautiful If you could give me just one more With pleasure
