Transcript:
Soeur Felicita - abbesse: No miracle occurs in bed, believe me. | The girl was in bed No miracle occurs in bed believe me
Transcript:
Benedetta: Pride is a sin.
Soeur Jacopa: We're all entitled to a sin. What's yours? | Pride is a mortal sin We're all entitled to a sin What's yours
Transcript:
Richard Twat: [Richie puts on Eddie's glasses] How do I look?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: I don't know I can't see a fucking thing! | How do I look I don't know I can't see
Transcript:
Gina Carbonara: Gino, what are you doing? This was my mother's dress! And my grandmother's dress before that!
Gino Bolognese: Dammit, that's OK! Bring them all! I'll fuck them too! I am one FUCKY guy!...
Transcript:
Mrs Foxfur: I really must have some more sherry!
[passes out] | I really must have some more sherry
Transcript:
Richard Twat: Now, this is the light switch which is on a timer which will give you plenty of time to take your key and insert it in the...
[light goes out]
Richard Twat: ... Arse!
Damien Nice: Insert...
Transcript:
Richard Twat: I trust you two both washed.
Mr Johnson: Actually, the water was cold.
Richard Twat: That's no reason not to wash, is it? Good grief, we are British, you know. We invented cold showers t...
Transcript:
Saucy Wood Nymph: Come gather, saucy wood nymphs, come from your groves! It is Richie!
Richard Twat: [Delighted to see he is surrounded by five scantily dressed wood nymphs] Hello, hello, hello, hello...
Transcript:
Richard Twat: As we always say at the Guest House Paradiso: Have fun, don't go in the water if you know what's good for you and try not to get shit on the sheets. | So as we always say at the Guest...
Transcript:
Richard Twat: Pheeb. One boiled egg. | Pheeb One boiled egg
Transcript:
Mrs Hardy: He's a black belt in karate, you know.
Richard Twat: More like a pink belt in hanging about gentlemen's lavatories on Hamstead Heath. | some He's a black belt in karate More like a pink bel...
Transcript:
Richard Twat: What about that ring
Mrs Nice: I never take it off.
Richard Twat: Well what about the watch then? Is that expensive?
Mr Nice: Oh, it's just a cheap copy.
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Wel...
Transcript:
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: [Explosion. Miss Carbonara raises an enquiring eyebrow] Mice. Basque separatist mice. | Mice Basque Separatist mice
Transcript:
Richard Twat: [opens the till and finds it empty] What are the advance bookings, like?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Ah, not too good.
Richard Twat: [shuts the till] Ooooooooh, God!
Eddie Elizabeth Ndi...
Transcript:
Richard Twat: Ahh... Good morning, Mrs Foxfur.
Mrs Foxfur: Morning, Twat. | Ahh morning Mrs Foxfur Morning Twat
Transcript:
Richard Twat: I trust you've slept well?
Mr Johnson: We had rather a rough night actually.
Richard Twat: Ah well, the perils of adultery. | The common law couple I trust you slept well Rather a rough ...
Transcript:
Mrs Hardy: [ordering breakfast] Where do your eggs come from?
Richard Twat: Ermm... Hen's vaginas? | Where are your eggs from Hen's vaginas
Transcript:
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Chef's hurt himself.
Richard Twat: How badly?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Indescribably badly. He hit his head on a frying pan seventeen times. | Chef's hurt himself How ...
Transcript:
Richard Twat: Ah! Good evening, Miss Carbonara.
Gina Carbonara: Good evening, Mr. Twat.
Richard Twat: It's cunt! | Good evening Miss Carbonara Good evening Mr Twat Ha ha it's Cunt
Transcript:
[last lines]
Haruo Sakaki: Do you understand, Godzilla? From all of those who hated you, and challenged you, I am the last one remaining. I'm the one carrying all the lives you took, and all the dream...
Transcript:
Hans, trolljegeren: Why the hell did you say that none of you were Christian? The way that troll sniffed around, obviously one of you believes in God.
Thomas: I don't believe in God. I sang in a churc...
Transcript:
Kalle: If we run into a bunch of inbred pig farmers, your ass is first. | If there are any inbred pig farmers there your ass is first
Transcript:
Hans, trolljegeren: Trolls love to gnaw on old car tires. | Trolls love to chew on old car tires
Transcript:
Hans, trolljegeren: No one here believes in God or Jesus?
Thomas: Nope. None of us.
Kalle: Don't look at me. Serious? Because they can smell the blood of a Christian man? | Is there anyone here who be...
Transcript:
Hans, trolljegeren: Troll! | Troll
Transcript:
Mrs. Esme Cordelia Hoggett: Take your hands off me!
Mrs. Esme Cordelia Hoggett: Oh-OH-OHH! This is a mistake! Somebody help, please! Call Arthur Hogget!
Van Cop: Ok, freakshow's over, finished!
Mrs. E...
Transcript:
Mrs. Esme Cordelia Hoggett: Poor Arthur would be utterly... ..devastated.
Customs Guard: Esmeralda Cordillera Hogget, we have reason to suspect you may be smuggling illegal substances on your person. ...
Transcript:
[Babe is asleep under a bed; his belly rumbles as he groans]
The Narrator: By nightfall, all of Babe's concerns, all the troubled voices in his head were drowned out by one insistent moan.
Deep, Grave...
Transcript:
Ferdinand: He's my lucky pig, my good luck pig. W-w-without him, I'm dead. Deceased! Lifeless! Extinct! A demised duck! | He's my lucky pig my good luck pig Without him I I'm dead Deceased Lifeless...
Transcript:
The Narrator: Even before her Arthur's misfortune, Mrs. Hoggett was ceaselessly busy, bustling, baking, bottling and pickling. But now, having to nurse her husband and pay the bills, she found life...
Transcript:
Babe: Open up, please. Open this door.
Zootie: You got a problem, sweetie?
Babe: Um... uh...
Bob: Who is it, honey?
Zootie: It's, uh... kind of a baldy, pinky, whitey thingy. | Open up please Open thi...
Transcript:
Skip Skipperton: So, do you know what I've been doing, all alone in my workshop, for almost two years? How I spend my every solitary hour? What I've been working on, what the world really needs and no...
Transcript:
Mrs. Crisp: What kind of doctor are you?
Dr. Mumford: Ph.D. in psychology.
Mrs. Crisp: Oh. Not a real doctor.
Dr. Mumford: That's right, the fake kind. | What kind of doctor are you Ph D Psychologist ...
Transcript:
Maximillian Cohen: Studying the pattern made Euclid conscious of itself. I had to... Before it died it spit out the number. That consciousness is the number?
Sol Robeson: No, Max. It's only a nasty bu...
Transcript:
Maximillian Cohen: Failed treatments to date: Beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, adrenalin injections, high dose ibuprofen, steroids, Trager Mentastics, violent exercise, cafergot suppositories,...
Transcript:
Maximillian Cohen: My new hypothesis: If we're built from Spirals while living in a giant Spiral, then is it possible that everything we put our hands to is infused with the Spiral? | 'My new...
Transcript:
Maximillian Cohen: Restate my assumptions: One, Mathematics is the language of nature. Two, Everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers. Three: If you graph the numbers of...
Transcript:
Elizabeth Whitcomb: The hard truth is we are doomed to be chaste. To never touch each other, hear each other, see each other... so what harm can there be to write to each other? | I'm afraid this...
Transcript:
Ruth Scott: Have you ever fucked one of your students?
Clay Sandford: I can't believe you just asked me that. | Have you ever fucked one of your students gasps and coughs I can't believe you just aske...
Transcript:
Rose Sandford: I'm never going to find out what happened to Ross and Rachel, am I?
Archie Sandford: You're still on this shit? Who gives a fuck?
Rose Sandford: Well, I do, obviously. | I'm never going...
Transcript:
Ruth Scott: How are you feeling? Besides your teeth falling out, I mean. | How are you feeling Besides your teeth falling out I mean
Transcript:
G. H. Scott: Besides, he's not going to shoot us.
Clay Sandford: [Danny racks shotgun] Uh, it sounds like he's going to shoot us. | Besides he's not gonna shoot us Uh It sounds like he's gonna shoot u...
Transcript:
Ruth Scott: Those are... flamingos. Those are flamingos?
Clay Sandford: Those are flamingos. | Those are flamingos Those are flamingos Those are flamingos
Transcript:
Clay Sandford: It's still cash, so it's not really a barter system. | It's still cash so it's not really a barter system
Transcript:
Amanda Sandford: [displaying Next's R&B album "Rated Next."] Now this looks like something a lady can properly dance to. | Now this looks like something a lady can properly dance to
Transcript:
Ruth Scott: Why are you like this? What do you get out of being so angry all the time?
Amanda Sandford: Every day, all day, my job... my whole job is to... understand people well enough so that I know...
Transcript:
Isabel Wilkerson: When you live in an old house, you may not want to go into the basement after a storm to see what the rains have brought. But choose not to look at your own peril.
Isabel Wilkerson: ...
Transcript:
Isabel Wilkerson: And yes, not one of us was around when this house was built.
Isabel Wilkerson: But here we are. The current occupants of a property with stress cracks built into the foundation, and ...
Transcript:
Ralph Roach: [flies onto Jesus' nose] Give me a kiss asshole!
Vladimir Bianco: Dear god, it talks!
Ralph Roach: Yeah that's right, and I'm going to come over there and kick your ass too!
Vladimir Bian...
Transcript:
Joe: [the roaches have tied him up] Goddamn you little sons of bitches get the hell out of my apartment!
Ralph Roach: Oh listen to that, your apartment? we were here first, we'll be here last too, we ...
Transcript:
Mike O'Hara: [Jimmy punched him] Why did you do that for?
Jimmy Flaherty: I am sick and tired of your bullshit! | What did you do that for I'm sick of your bullshit
Transcript:
Jimmy Flaherty: You're still dwellin' on that Buckner thing?
Mike O'Hara: Yeah, Chris McCarthy. | You still on that Buckner thing Yeah Chris McCarthy
Transcript:
Mike O'Hara: [having been embarrassed in front of Larry Bird] Where are our drinks? | Where are our drinks Right away
Transcript:
Mike O'Hara: [after hearing Marv Albert mention talking about him and Jimmy on the radio] ...Jimmy! Marv Albert's talking about us on the radio... Ohhh I could die now! | No that's us Marv Albert's...
Transcript:
Jimmy Flaherty: [playing Invent-A-Drink] This one is called Jimmy's Dick. It's short
[sets down shot glass]
Jimmy Flaherty: fat
[sets another shot glass to the right]
Jimmy Flaherty: but it fills the ...
Transcript:
Mike O'Hara: Hey Scott! I heard Manute Bol is banging your mom!
Jimmy Flaherty: Manute Bol! Your mom!
Lewis Scott: Oh, that's whitty, whitey. | Hey Scott I hear Manute Bol was banging your mom Manute ...
Transcript:
Larry Bird: Fans like you make me sick. You love us when we're winning, and you hate us when we're losing, It's pathetic. You guys should learn a little something about loyalty. | Fans like you make...
Transcript:
Lewis Scott: Who are you man? Some bitter ex-high school player who never really made it? You sit around, watching sports, criticizing professional athletes 'cause you wish it was you out there.
Mike ...
Transcript:
[Nick the landlord wants the rent]
Mike O'Hara: Write a check.
Jimmy Flaherty: It'll bounce.
Mike O'Hara: Write it anyway. | Just write the man a cheque It'll bounce Write it anyway Jimmy
Transcript:
Mrs. Santa Claus: Oh, team, we've done it - 1910 is a record year. | Oh team we've done it 1910 is a record year
Transcript:
Santa Claus: [Putting a letter in an outbox marked "Naughty"] There's always the naughty ones with the bad handwriting. | And there's always the naughty ones with the bad handwriting
Transcript:
Arvo: Not even one little ho, ho, ho?
Santa Claus: [sadly and quietly] Ho. | Not even one little ho ho ho
Transcript:
Man in Santa Suit: [as boy drops money in a donation bucket] Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas. Thank you, young man.
Mrs. Santa Claus: [taps him on the shoulder] It's a very worthy cause dear but, uh, the ...
Transcript:
[repeated line]
Milo: Franke, my friend! | Oh Frankie my friend
Transcript:
Vic: What are you watching?
Frank: Just some stupid movie with Johnny Depp.
Vic: Who's that? | What are you watching Some stupid movie with Johnny Depp Who's that
Transcript:
Mayuzumi: I will stay. It will be my last task. | I'll stay too It'll be my last task
Transcript:
[repeated line]
Astrid: It's an acquired taste. | Mm It's an acquired taste