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Waxman: There's an old saying: just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Clegg: Yeah. That's not a saying, it's a joke. An OLD joke.
Waxman: Really? I never laughed. | Ther...
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Richard III: I am so far in blood that sin will pluck on sin. Tear-falling pity dwells not in this eye. | I am so far in blood that sin will pluck on sin Tear falling pity dwells not in this eye
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Richard III: A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! | A horse A horse My kingdom for a horse My lord
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Al Pacino: We are such stuff as dreams are made on and our little life is rounded with a sleep. | We are such stuff as dreams are made on And our little life is rounded with a sleep
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Richard III: There is no creature loves me. When I die no soul shall pity me. Wherefore should they since that I myself find in myself no pity to myself? | There is no creature loves me When I die no...
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Richard III: Was ever woman in this humour woo'd? Was ever woman in this humour won? I'll have her. I'll have her. But I will not keep her long. | Was ever woman in this humor won I'll have her I'll...
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Kevin Conway: In a contemporary play somebody would say: hey you, go over there get that thing and bring it back to me. That would be the line. Shakespeare says it: be Mercury set feathers to thy...
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Paul Morrisey: You call this a groovy light show. I'd rather sit and watch the clothes dryer at the Laundromat. Oh, look. It changed color. Where's a love child? They'll get a kick outta this. Only a...
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Andy Warhol: So Candy, how often do you get your period?
Candy Darling: Every day. I'm such a woman! | Bye Candy Bye Psycho So Candy we've been wondering how often do you get your period Every day And...
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Valerie Solanas: The males tried to convince himself and women that the female function is to bear and raise children, soothe, relax and boost the male ego. When in actual fact, the female function is...
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Valerie Solanas: [on the phone] What's your name?
Jeremiah Newton: Jeremiah.
Valerie Solanas: Oh, and what do you look like Jeremiah?
Jeremiah Newton: Tall and I have long brown hair. What do you look...
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Valerie Solanas: You got to go through a lot of sex to be ready for anti-sex. | You've gotta go through a lot of sex to get to anti sex
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Candy Darling: Dear Diary, I try to get what I want, whenever it's possible. I have always found that socially unacceptable people make the best lovers because they are more sensitive. I can be happy...
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Candy Darling: Aren't you gonna run after us?
Edna, the wheelchair-bound receptionist: That's a terrible thing to say!
Candy Darling: Honey, its a terrible world. | Aren't you gonna run after us That'...
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Valerie Solanas: Give me fifteen cents, and I'll give you a dirty word.
Maurice Girodias: What's the word?
Valerie Solanas: Men. | Excuse me Yeah give me fifteen cents I'll give you a dirty word What'...
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Ondine: What the fuck is a gay bar? Can you tell me? What is that? As a homosexual, I will not go! I will not go to one! Why should I be segregated?
Fred Hughes: You're right, you should be isolated. ...
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Valerie Solanas: You're a guy? My god, I thought you were a lesbian.
Candy Darling: Thanks, a lot of people say that. | You you're a guy My God I thought you were lesbian Oh thank you A lot of people ...
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Harry Palmer: Don't worry, we won't miss the party. I gave my word.
Yuri: That's why I'm worried. | Don't worry You won't miss the party I gave my word That's why I'm worried
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Yuri: Harry Palmer. You still alive?
Harry Palmer: No thanks to you, Yuri. | Harry Palmer You're still alive No thanks to you Yuri
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Harry Palmer: Sorry for spoiling your appetite.
Alex: Get out!
Alex: With pleasure. | Sorry to spoil your appetite Alex Get out It was a pleasure
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Peter Malkin: A good plan assumes nothing! | Schmuck Schmuck A good plan assumes nothing
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Dr. Zefram Cochrane: Now, this, Deena...
Deanna Troi: Deanna!
Dr. Zefram Cochrane: This - is the good stuff.
[pouring shots of Tequila] | This Deena Deanna This is the good stuff
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Borg Queen: You are in chaos, Data. You are the contradiction: a machine who wishes to be human.
Lieutenant Commander Data: Since you seem to know so much about me, you must be aware I am programmed t...
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Captain Jean-Luc Picard: It's not too late. Locutus could still be with you. Just in the way you wanted: an equal. Let Data go, and I will take my place at your side. Willingly, without any...
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Cmdr. Deanna Troi: If you're looking for my professional opinion as ship's counselor: he's nuts.
Cmdr. William Riker: I'll be sure to note that in my log. | If you re looking for my professional opini...
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Dr. Zefram Cochrane: Please! Don't tell me it's all thanks to me! I've heard enough about the great Zefram Cochrane! I don't know who writes your history books or where you get your information from,...
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Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Initiate auto-destruct sequence. Authorization: Picard, 4 7 Alpha Tango.
Dr. Beverly Crusher: Computer, Commander Beverly Crusher. Confirm auto-destruct sequence. Authorizatio...
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Raging Bull Auditioner: I'd like to do a scene from the movie Raging Bull: You fuck my wife?
[Corky looks shocked] | I'm gonna do a scene from the movie raging bull You fucked my wife What
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Ron Albertson: Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine. | Some people find it ironical that Though we run a travel agency we've never been...
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Dr. Allan Pearl: I think I got a, a, an entertaining bug... from my grandfather... uh, Chaim Pearlgut, who was very very big in the, um, Yiddish, uh, theater, back in New York. He was in the, the...
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Corky St. Clair: My first show was Barefoot in the Park, which was an absolute smash, but my production on the stage of Backdraft was what really got them excited. This whole idea of 'In Your Face'...
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Corky St. Clair: So what I'm understanding here - correct me, if I'm wrong - is that you're not givin' me... any money... so now I'm left basically with nothin', I'm... left with ZERO, in which, in...
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UFO Expert: I've been coming to this circle for about five years, and measuring it. The diameter and the circumference are constantly changing, but the radius stays the same. Which brings me to the...
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[thinking they've died and gone to Heaven]
Stanley: Hail to thee, Oh Lord.
The Lloyd: Actually, it's pronounced 'Lloyd'.
Stanley: [to Petunia] All these years we've been saying it wrong. | Hail to the...
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Joan Stupid: Note to self: must buy hand held tape recorder. Then I will no longer be speaking into the garage door opener. | Note to self I must buy hand held tape recorder Then I will no longer be...
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Roscoe "Fang" Bigger: [Stookie for the 2nd time throws an eraser towards Ross. Ross catches it madly. Stookie sits back down. Ross puts the eraser by the chalkboard] Now, there's going to be some...
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Victoria: [after David stops her from drinking the punch, thinking Rosco did something to it] David, what has gotten into you?
David Leary: He might have done something to the punch.
Victoria: [Fluste...
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David Leary: [going to a police station after seemingly killing Fang] Open up, you idiots! I'm a murderer! | Open up you idiots I'm a murderer
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[David runs into bathroom and picks up hair dryer to throw at Roscoe]
Roscoe "Fang" Bigger: What are you going to do? Style my hair? | What are you going to do style my hair
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Art: Morning, neighbor.
David Leary: Morning, Art.
Art: I bet you're wondering, Why in the Sam Hill am I chopping wood at this hour?
David Leary: Not really.
Art: You know who Sam Hill was?
David Lear...
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[Concerning the cafeteria food]
David Leary: What is this?
Clark: Hot Dish.
David Leary: What's Hot Dish?
Clark: Well, last week we had lasagna, then it become spaghetti and when it's finally unrecogn...
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Alan: My dad knows a guy who knows a guy who works for NASA and he says if stare directly at the moon rock, you'll go blind.
Jerry: Aw bullshit. | My dad knows a guy who knows a guy Who works for NASA...
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David Leary: You're alive!
Roscoe Bigger: You're dead! | You're alive You're dead
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Art: I remember the first time I tried to kill my Betty.
David Leary: ...What?
Art: Let me finish...
David Leary: You tried to kill Betty?
Art: Oh I see. I see, Mr. High-and-mighty. Hey, I didn't kill...
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Roscoe Bigger: Chicken!
David Leary: Pork roast! | Chicken Pork roast
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Ben: Dad when you said we could reinvent ourselves, I didn't know you meant as the Cleavers.
David Leary: Well start unpacking, Beave.
Ben: Pack this, Ward.
David Leary: I heard that. | Dad when you s...
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David Leary: [after running into Fang at the school dance serving fruit punch and spilling a cup of it on Victoria's dress] He might've done something to the punch.
Victoria: Like what?
David Leary: H...
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Roscoe Bigger: One time we were making key chains and I accidentally cut off my thumb.
David Leary: Holy shit.
Roscoe Bigger: Yeah, so I went to the hospital but there was a line so I drove over to th...
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[Viewing a small moon rock]
David: [sarcastically] That's it? Nice rock.
Guard: Move it, smartass! | That's it Nice rock Move it smart ass
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Fang: Drink your juice yet?
David: No, why?
Fang: 'Peed in it. | Drink your juice yet No Why Peed in it
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Young Fang: Hi Davy. Thought you were pretty funny this morning didn't ya?
Young David: What are you talking about?
Young Fang: The spelling bee. Mrs. Fitsimonds let you pick the words, and you picked...
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Roscoe Bigger: Okay who did that? If I find out who did that, I'll...
Stookie: You'll what?
Roscoe Bigger: Um... Well we'll just see. | O k Who did that If I find out who did that I'll You'll what Wel...
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David Leary: [after getting into a big fight at the school with Fang] I wanna talk to you about Fang, uh, Rosco Bigger.
Principal Kokelar: [Clark is leaving the office frightened by David due to his m...
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Roscoe Bigger: And when those junior psychos asked me what I was in there for, I had to tell them I was there because I STOLE A FREAKIN' ROCK! | And when those junior psychos asked What I was in there...
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Kirby: Dad are we really going to New York City?
Roscoe Bigger: That's why they call them mobile homes, son, 'cause they're mobile. | Dad are we really going to New York That's why they call 'em mobil...
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Roscoe "Fang" Bigger: You were my friend and you betrayed me!
David Leary: You thought we were friends? You beat me up, you humiliated me, I'm 35 years old and I still have nightmares about the fourth...
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David Leary: I'm very sorry about this, sir, I can assure you it won't happen again. Will it Ben?
Ben: Who can predict the future?
David Leary: I can. | Very sorry about this I assure you this will no...
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Michael Collins: I would plead with every person here: Make me a scapegoat if you will, call me a traitor, if you will; But please, let's save the country. The alternative to this treaty is a war...
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Paco: [to Connie/Patricia as she is leaving] I don't know where you come from. But I do know this: You are as much as Winterbourne as I am. | I don't know you I don't know where you come from But I...
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Grace Winterbourne: How did I ever raise such a snob?
Bill Winterbourne: It's a mystery, Mother... let's ask the servants. | How'd I ever raise such a snob It's a mystery Mother Let's ask the servants
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ALF: [Rick is angrily venting his contempt for Dexter Moyers] Rick, I've never seen you like this.
Dr. Mullican: Nah, I just don't like the guy, is all.
ALF: No, I mean from this angle... and I though...
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[after watching footage of Alf in a crash test]
Maj. Melissa Hill: That crash test is the perfect example of the cruel and inhumane punishment Alf has been subjected to, Mr. Chairmen.
Col. Gilbert Mil...
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ALF: I'm a bit curious about the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy here in the military.
Dr. Carnage: What about it?
ALF: Well it assume it's worked to you advantage.
Dr. Carnage: [to the camera] Stop th...
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Dr. Stanley: Let's try some word association. I'll say a word and you say whatever pops into your mind.
ALF: Food.
Dr. Stanley: I haven't said anything yet.
ALF: Nothing interesting, at least.
Dr. Sta...
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Military Researcher: Good morning. I'm Dr. Carnage.
ALF: Yikes.
Military Researcher: Yikes yourself. | Good morning I'm Doctor Carnage Yikes Yikes yourself
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Dr. Mockton: Hello, I'm Mockton. I'm going to show you some inkblots.
ALF: Does this involve electric shock?
Dr. Mockton: Let's not start that again. | Hello I'm Doctor Mockton I'm going to show you s...
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ALF: [ALF is strapped into an electric chair] I take it this isn't the word association test.
Dr. Warner: No, no. We're going to conduct a different test.
ALF: I'm not sure I like the word 'conduct'.
...
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[Mullican and Hill have kidnapped ALF and put him in a mail bag]
Dr. Mullican: Don't look now, the mail's awake.
ALF: What's going on? Oh, wait, now I remember, I'm being kidnapped by humans. There's ...