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[the military is playing a video of one of the tests done on ALF]
ALF: This one is definitely the Pepsi. | This one is definitely the Pepsi
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[some time after Dr. Warner was electrocuted]
Dr. Newman: Hello, Alf, I'm Dr. Newman.
ALF: No need to ask who you're replacing.
Dr. Newman: We're going to try a little game called numeric sequencing.
...
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Rene: I am a public eye, a witness, a critic. When you first see a new picture. You don't want to miss the boat. You have to be very careful. You might be staring at Van Gogh's ear. | l am a public...
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Rev. Henry Biggs: When we love someone we are really loving God. | when we love someone we are really loving God
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Julia Biggs: Who would use Baby Wet Wet for Jesus? | Who would use Baby Wet Wet for Jesus
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Dudley: You have no idea what the competition is like just to be sent down here. | You've got no idea what the competition is like just to get sent down here
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Julia Biggs: It's okay if I look in the window, just as long as I don't buy.
Marguerite Coleman: Yeah? Well, don't go shopping with money in your pocket! And you better not be putting anything in the ...
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Marguerite Coleman: Things haven't changed since Adam, and he gave up one of his ribs so he'd have somebody to keep things from. | Those days Child men ain't changed since Adam And he gave up one of...
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Marguerite Coleman: [after seeing one of Hamilton's commercials on television] That man is so oily, you could fry chicken on his smile. | He's so oily you can fry chicken on that man's smile
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Jeremiah Biggs: Just because you can't see the air doesn't keep you from breathing. And just because you can't see God doesn't keep you from believing. | just because you can't see the air doesn't...
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Peter Rooker: Welcome to Rooker World! | Welcome to Rooker World
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Peter Rooker: Ride 'em, cowboy! | Ride 'em cowboy
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Dr. Bridget Thorne: Life's a bitch. And so am I. | Life's a bitch and so am I
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Peter Rooker: You're less than nothing. You're pathetic. | You're less than nothing You're pathetic
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Peter Rooker: Now that's a rat! | Now that's a rat
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Peter Rooker: It's your wake up call, doc! | It's your wake up call Doc
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[Nico finds a discrepancy in the drug supply]
Nico: Ah, Peter. The light should have turned this as blue as a bruise. Shit's been cut.
Peter Rooker: [to Johnny] Are you shorting me?
Johnny Lee: Fuck. ...
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Al Fountain: Just a little drive, that's all. Taking a drive down the road. Life is a drive, down the road. Al Fountain - Saturday, June 30th, 9:55 AM | Just a little drive that's all I'm taking a...
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Al Fountain: If you don't want to parade around in your wet underwear, you don't have to, Al. It's your choice. Each man can choose how he marches in the parade of life. Al Fountain - Wednesday, July...
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Al Fountain: Life is a tomato right off the vine. Al Fountain - Monday, July 2, 4:32 PM. | Life is a tomato right off the vine Al Fountain Monday July 2nd 4 32 p m
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Jay Leno: What do you mean you got page one of the Post? You told me we didn't have anything to do with that story!
Helen Kushnick: Oh, for Christ's sake, grow up.
Jay Leno: You lied to me?
Helen Kush...
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Jay Leno: I may look stupid, but I'm Italian. I know how to find information! | Well I may look stupid but you know I'm Italian I know how to find information
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David Letterman: [embarrassed] How can a television show be worth all this embarrassment? | How can a television show be worth this much embarrassment
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David Letterman: [outside CBS Studios right before the press conference] Gentlemen, we are just going from one bizarre circumstance to the next. | Gentlemen we're just going from one bizarre...
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David Letterman: Peter, take that stupid rug off your head. And Morty, straighten your tie. This isn't a tractor pull. | Pete have a seat and take that silly rug off will you Now Morty for God's sakes...
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Reporter #3: Are you gonna kick Jay Leno's ass?
David Letterman: I'm gonna kick your ass, buddy. | Dave are you going to kick Jay Leno's ass I'm going to kick your ass buddy
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Michael Ovitz: Peter, I know Dave's circumstances, and so I know why you're here. Dave is a star of such compelling stature that frankly it makes me personally angry he finds himself this abused. We...
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Denise Waverly: Howard? You're not going to believe this, but I think I'm pregnant.
Howard Cazsatt: No, you can't be. I pulled out. | Howard Hmm You're not gonna believe this but um I think I'm pregna...
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Denise Waverly: What exactly did you like about my record? The thickness of the vinyl? | So what exactly did you like about my record The thickness of the vinyl
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Denise Waverly: Maybe I put too much of myself into my songs. | I don't know Maybe I put too much of myself in the song
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Edna Buxton: Mother, the dress doesn't fit.
Mrs. Buxton: The dress fits the occasion. It's you that doesn't fit. | The dress fits the occasion It's you who doesn't fit
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Cheryl: Come on girls. This is supposed to be upbeat, not uptight. Get happy. | Come on girls this is meant to be upbeat not uptight Get happy
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John Patterson: Of course, he kept moving! What did you want to do, sit down and pose for you? Now, this worked; He came in, hit the wire. He couldn't have been more than fifteen feet away FROM THE...
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Charles Remington: We have an expression in prize fighting: "Everyone has a plan until they've been hit." Well my friend, you've just been hit. The getting up is up to you. | Whew They got an...
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Ivan Radovadovitch: [Ivan is doing a commercial] Ivan learn important English words like "renegotiate," "eliminate salary cap," and "union lockout."
[the respective words appear on screen]
Ivan Radova...
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Patton's Mama: My baby is not gonnna go to St. Louis. Howdy, Bill!
"Wild Bill" Hastings: Why, howdy, ma'am.
Patton's Mama: (while hitting "Wild Bill") Game over! How dare you try to take my son away! ...
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Himself: (to Eddie) What's the matter, Coach? Cat got your tongue?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: (to Carl) Just think, I used to like him. | What's the matter Coach Cat got your tongue To think I used to l...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: (to a referee while honorary coach) Hey, you with the $1.99 rug on your head! Would you get out of my way, please? | Hey you with the 1 99 rug on your head would you get out...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Do you have 666 on your head?
Coach John Bailey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Say, Eddie, come back again when you can afford the seats back here.
Edwina "Eddie" Frankl...
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Vlade Divac: [In Serbian, during pregame warmups] How did you do last game?
Ivan Radovadovitch: [In Russian] Ivan make basket. | Ivan make basket
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David Letterman: And the number one reason Eddie Franklin has the Knicks playing so well... co-ed showers! | And the number one reason why Eddie Franklin has the Knicks playing so well Drum Roll co ed...
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Avery Johnson: This is just a publicity stunt for you. You are not a coach!
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You're not a player, looking like a little roach. | This is just a publicity stunt for you You are ...
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MSG Announcer: Standing tall at 7 feet, from the Republic of Georgia- and I don't mean Atlanta- Ivan Radovadovitch! | From the Republic of Georgia and I don't mean Atlanta Ivan Radovadovitch
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Ivan Radovadovitch: Ivan make basket.
"Wild Bill" Burgess: Well, then, Ivan make money. | Ivan make basket Well then Ivan make money
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Coach John Bailey: [during the pre-game pep talk] Let's remember we got a game to win! Where's Taylor?
Carl Zimmer: He's praying.
Coach John Bailey: Well, tell him to pray over here!
Carl Zimmer: Darr...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You know
["Wild Bill"]
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: takes a chance every time he comes riding out on that dumb old horse, not realizing that eventually somebody's going to hit him...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You see the sign back there? It says John 3:16. That is not a biblical quote, baby. You know what that is? That's your sorry road record 'cause you're the anti-coach! | You...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: I thought this was a professional basketball team. Obviously, I'm out of my mind. I'm in here with rap artists and pitchmen, line-slingers, and ho-mongers, and ASSHOLES.
Darre...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Excuse me! Lawyers, agents, models, pseudo-models, rappers, people with bad rugs - if you're not wearing a jersey that says New York Knicks, get up and get out right now. |...
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Al Trautwig: Do you think she can get the team out of the basement?
Rudolph Giuliani: She can't do any worse.
Edward Koch: The Knicks were winning when I was mayor. | Do you think she can get the team...
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MSG Announcer: At forward, 6'9", Anthony "Pig" Miller!
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Boo!
Claudine: Why do they call him "Pig"?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: 'Cause he's not kosher. | At forward six feet nine i...
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[after live fireworks set fire to Walt Frazier's retired jersey in the rafters of Madison Square Gardens]
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: That was Walt Frazier's jersey!
Fair Weather Fan: That's Walt Frazier...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Was that your mistake, Mr. Rodman? I think so.
Dennis Rodman: Your team don't know how to play. Bad shots... bad coach...
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Bad hair.
Dennis Rodman: At ...
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Joe Sparks: (to Stacy) I don't get it, man. Is she "The Gipper" or not?
Stacy Patton: Man, you sure are white! | I don't get it man Is she the Gipper or not Damn you sure are white I can't help it
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Hey, Patton, pass the ball! What are you, the black hole of basketball? Come on!
Joe Sparks: (to Stacy) You going to let her call you a black ho?
Darren Taylor: Man, a HOLE.
S...
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Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Bailey! Bailey! Bailey, you gonna try something new tonight, like trying to coach? It's the NBA, buddy - no buttheads allowed, but you keep coming back. I don't understand it....
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Harriet M. Welsch: So what do I do now, Golly?
Ole Golly: "Beauty is truth, truth beauty. "That is all ye know on Earth and all ye need to know." John Keats.
Harriet M. Welsch: What is that supposed t...
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John Gotti: Jo Jo walks into the bar. He's wearin' a solid gold belt buckle this big: says Jo Jo on it, he's got a braclet on his arm: says Jo Jo on it, he's got a fuckin' necklace: says Jo Jo on it,...
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Jessie Barnes: My guess is, he's out shooting the rapids, or wrestling a grizzly bear. You know, just being that Alaskan mountain man we know and love. | My guess is he's out shooting the rapids or...
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Perry: Mr. Koontz, I don't think you understand me. Let me clear: I'm accustomed to getting what I want. I want that bear! | Mr Koontz I don't think you understand me Let me be clear I'm accustomed to...
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Al: [first lines - narration] Ever get so bored with your life, you're afraid your gonna do something stupid? And then you get afraid you're so far gone you can't even think up something stupid to do...
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Ernest Hemingway: It won't work. Take a look. He's ancient. He must be close to 40. | It'll never work Take another look He's ancient He's got to be close to 40
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Jimmy McBride: I always play the hand I'm dealt. | Oh I don't know Always play the hand you're dealt
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Henry Villard: Older people start aging backwards at some point. | Older people start going backwards at some point
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Ernest Hemingway: You love me, you just don't know it yet. | You just don't know it yet
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Henry: Do you love him?
Agnes: Yes.
Henry: Have you told him?
Agnes: Yes, but I don't think he heard me. | Do you love him Did you ever tell him Yes But I don't think he heard
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Agnes von Kurowsky: You know what I've been told? Italian men respect their wives. They spoil their mistresses. But the only women they love are their mothers. | Do you know what I read once That...
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Dr. Molly Griswold: I'm a, like, terrible shrink, probably. I should have never gotten out of real estate, shit, actually, I should have never left Ohio for that cowboy in Amarillo, but... Have you...
