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What is it, child? Do you feel all alone in this world? None of us are ever really alone. You do have someone. | What is it, child? Do you feel all alone in this world? None of us are ever really...
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You better check those hooves.
Some of them look like they're infected. I'll take care of them right away, Bob.
Thank you. - See you next month!
- You bet. | You better check those hooves.
Some of the...
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How do they look, Bob? | How do they look, Bob?
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Hello, Bob. What a surprise. I wasn't expecting you
for another month. Well, this is what we call
a little spot check, Vincent. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Oh, hell,
it's no inconvenience at all....
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Who gave you permission
to bury him? Uh, ma'am, in this county, under extenuating circumstances,
it's OK. | Who gave you permission
to bury him? Uh, ma'am, in this county, under extenuating circumstan...
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Ida, get a bathrobe
for Terry, please. Well, I hope
you're feeling better. I want to see Bo. Where is he? Ah, he passed away this morning. You mean he's dead? I don't believe it.
I want to see him. We...
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Guess who? - Ida, let me go.
- Ida! Ida! Let Bruce go. | Guess who? - Ida, let me go.
- Ida! Ida! Let Bruce go.
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You folks come back
and see us again real soon. It was a pleasure. | You folks come back
and see us again real soon. It was a pleasure.
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A little souvenir
for your station wagon. - Oh, how nice!
- Thank you, sir. Good gracious! I've never seen them
act like that before. What is it, children? - How peculiar.
- I'll calm them down for yo...
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Oh, well, she'll live. All right, well, I'll fix
your little flower for you, but first you got to go out and pick me
some goldenseal, comfrey, valerian, and plantain. All right. | Oh, well, she'll liv...
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- Ida, come in here.
- I'm hungry, Vincent. What do you want? The good Lord has chosen to pluck this flower away
from the Grim Reaper. And I want to make good and sure
he keeps his hands off her. - I ...
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Who's this? - Open Granny's room.
- Granny's room? What... What did you go and do, Vincent? Get the key, damn it! | Who's this? - Open Granny's room.
- Granny's room? What... What did you go and do, V...
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'He'd go to hell, right? 'They walked across the sands,
and they knew they were sinners. 'They knew that they didn't know
the word of the book 'that told them
how they should behave...' | 'He'd go to ...
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I always wanted... to be a lumberjack! | I always wanted... to be a lumberjack!
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It's a fair cop,
but society is to blame. Right,
we'll arrest them instead! Come on, you! Are you in society?
Are you in society? All things bright
and beautiful-- Right, we'd like to conclude
this ar...
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The one in the braces,
he done it. | The one in the braces,
he done it.
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One day, Little Red Riding Hood
set off to take some things to her old grandmother
who lived deep in the forest. | One day, Little Red Riding Hood
set off to take some things to her old grandmother
wh...
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And in the middle of this deep,
dark forest, there lived a vicious wolf! | And in the middle of this deep,
dark forest, there lived a vicious wolf!
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Once upon a time, there was
a little house in a dark forest. In this house lived a humble
woodcutter and his wife and their pretty daughter,
Little Red Riding Hood. | Once upon a time, there was
a lit...
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But... but finally,
we must not forget the enjoyment, the satisfaction, and the edification
to be derived from the simple, straightforward "sideways completely
unexpected deposit." | But... but finall...
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Finally... Finally we move on
to the interesting, but little-known variant, nominally designated
the "three-course complex." | Finally... Finally we move on
to the interesting, but little-known varian...
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Next, the simple
"surprise deposit." | Next, the simple
"surprise deposit."
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Second... Second, the simple
"sideways offensive deposit." | Second... Second, the simple
"sideways offensive deposit."
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First... First the simple straightforward
"offensive deposit." | First... First the simple straightforward
"offensive deposit."
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Popular as this jest
has always been, however, it cannot compare
with the ribald connotations associated with the dispatch
of an edible missile. | Popular as this jest
has always been, however, it can...
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And now, the "double
sideswipe and return." | And now, the "double
sideswipe and return."
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Next, the "sideswipe
and return." Hey, Vance! | Next, the "sideswipe
and return." Hey, Vance!
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First, we are to see the
"simple sideswipe" or "whop." Hey, Vance! | First, we are to see the
"simple sideswipe" or "whop." Hey, Vance!
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We now come on
to a consideration of the more sophisticated
transitive mode of japing, in which,
as you will observe, the operator or inceptor
remains totally unaware of the humorous implications
of h...
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The opening up
of the African continent revealed a vast
new source of wealth for humorous exploitation. We are to see demonstrated how this was adapted
to the basic precipitation jape. | The opening u...
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Secondary precipitation occurs when both protagonist and dupe
are located indoors. It is true, however,
that this has involved the development of a special
piece of machinery. But it is still no more
...
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Hello, I'm Bounder of Adventure. Oh, hello.
My name is Smoketoomuch. What? My name is Smoketoomuch.
Mr. Smoketoomuch. Well, you'd better
cut down a little then. | Hello, I'm Bounder of Adventure. Oh, ...
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I tiptoe down the street Smile at everyone I meet | I tiptoe down the street Smile at everyone I meet
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Good afternoon, sir.
May I help you? Yes, I'd like to have
an argument, please. | Good afternoon, sir.
May I help you? Yes, I'd like to have
an argument, please.
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Albatross! Albatross! | Albatross! Albatross!
Transcript:
Good morning. I'm sorry
to have kept you waiting, but I'm afraid my walk has
become rather sillier recently, so it takes me longer
to get to the office. Now, what was it again? Well sir, I-I-I-I have ...
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- Did you train him?
- I sure did. Since he was just a puppy. | - Did you train him?
- I sure did. Since he was just a puppy.
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The S.P.C.A. Said you have
our dog, Miss Sawyer. He ran away from the trailer park. We're very grateful you
took such good care of him. We've brought you some chocolates. | The S.P.C.A. Said you have
...
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Miss Julie Sawyer? - Yes?
- I'm Wilber Hull. These are my grandchildren.
Helen here is six. - Theona's eight.
- Oh. - Hi.
- This is the lady. Hello, Miss Sawyer. Hello, Miss Sawyer. Hi. I'm in a real ...
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- Hello.
- Julie. Keys. Um... well, as soon as you can get here,
I'll make the final, crucial test. Uh... I would say it's, uh... almost "V" for victory. I'll be right there! | - Hello.
- Julie. Keys....
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Well, Julie is sitting on a hot
griddle waiting for your miracle. Why don't you give her a call and tell
her he's a hundred percent cured? - Ninety-nine.
- One percent. Now, that percent has
got me in...
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Easy does it. Easy. Easy. Aw. Good boy. | Easy does it. Easy. Easy. Aw. Good boy.
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Charlie, I guarantee
you won't get hurt. | Charlie, I guarantee
you won't get hurt.
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Boy, come here. Come here. Yeah. Hey. | Boy, come here. Come here. Yeah. Hey.
Transcript:
Oh, to hell with all this. Let's get at these lamb chops. Come on. Let's eat. Come on. Forget it. - All right.
- Go. Come on. - Well...
- Keys. Now I know why it took you so long to
get that dog to ea...
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How did he get into all this? - What?
- All this. All of what? Oh. That's breeding. Keys was suckled on anthropology. His mother teaches it, and
his father writes about it. | How did he get into all t...
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I'm gonna break ya. I'm not through with you... yet. | I'm gonna break ya. I'm not through with you... yet.
Transcript:
Hello. The dog busted out of the compound. I think he must have hit a branch
and set off the electrified fence. Now, as soon as it's light,
we'll try to find him. | Hello. The dog busted out of the co...
Transcript:
Hey, Keys. Keys. Hey, Keys. - Hey.
- Yo. That damn mutt of yours bit
his way out through the roof. He'll probably try to climb over
the fence, like that bobcat. Well, if he does, he's gonna
have an el...
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Hell, that'll set Keys back
a full week of work... trying to change that dog
back into Dr. Jekyll. | Hell, that'll set Keys back
a full week of work... trying to change that dog
back into Dr. Jekyll.
Transcript:
No one but this color black
feeds that dog! No one! He's got to know
he's stuck with me. | No one but this color black
feeds that dog! No one! He's got to know
he's stuck with me.
Transcript:
Hi, handsome.
Look what I got for you. Look. Look at that. You're gonna like this.
You like the bun, huh? Juicy hamburger. | Hi, handsome.
Look what I got for you. Look. Look at that. You're gonna lik...
Transcript:
All right. There it is.
See, it's not your enemy. Sniff it. Not yet, huh? | All right. There it is.
See, it's not your enemy. Sniff it. Not yet, huh?
Transcript:
I'm gonna make you learn... that it's useless to
attack black skin. Go on. | I'm gonna make you learn... that it's useless to
attack black skin. Go on.
Transcript:
Can you tell me where
I can find Mr. Keys? You can't bother him right now,
young lady. He's workin' a lion. - Are you the owner of that attack dog?
- Yes. Yeah, he said somethin'
about you comin'. Up ...
Transcript:
You're too tired to even try, huh? | You're too tired to even try, huh?
Transcript:
The old man's still blunting all the
syringe heads on this damn robot. Well, all I know is this
tranquilizer gun needs cleaning... and I'm working with
an elephant today. - I'll clean it.
- Thanks. Wh...
Transcript:
Come in. I hope you didn't bring
that damn dog with you. They didn't allow
visitors until now. Well, I'm glad you're
the first one, Julie. | Come in. I hope you didn't bring
that damn dog with you. Th...
Transcript:
Keys, if you work
on that bastard... I go. Damn it, Keys!
Don't start that again! You ain't got the time! Take five weeks vacation, Joe. If I don't break him... I'll shoot him. | Keys, if you work
on ...
Transcript:
I'm gonna call the police. I'm gonna tell
'em we got a goddamn white dog here. Joe, forget the police. And as for the rest of the men,
he's just an attack dog. Understood? | I'm gonna call the police....
Transcript:
That ain't no attack dog you got.
That's a white dog! - Of course he's a white dog.
- I don't mean his color! He's taught to attack
and kill black people! That's crazy! I don't believe that! What the ...
Transcript:
I'm listenin'. I'd like you to teach him, or rather, unteach him... something bad that he's
been taught to do. | I'm listenin'. I'd like you to teach him, or rather, unteach him... something bad that ...
Transcript:
Remember when Duke reached down with his
hand into that hole full of rattlers? That's the hand that did it. That's the hand that
helped Duke win the Oscar! I really do have a problem. | Remember when ...
Transcript:
Come on, Shana! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay. | Come on, Shana! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay.
Transcript:
Stay there! Shana. Shana. Shh, shh, shh, shh. | Stay there! Shana. Shana. Shh, shh, shh, shh.
