Bad Santa quotes

Bad Santa poster
Willie T. Stokes is a convicted con man who's led a miserable life. He drinks heavily and constantly embarrasses himself publicly. He only works once a year dressed as Santa. But then come Christmas Eve, he and his pint-sized helper dwarf Marcus stage elaborate robberies and take their department stores for everything they got. This time around, Willie gets distracted by large women, a bartender who is attracted to Santas, and a kid who's convinced he's the real deal. However, Marcus must once again put up with Willie's heavy drinking and a series of incidents that constantly shoot themselves in the foot. Will Willie and Marcus make it to next Christmas? Or will this be the year the dynamic duo finally face justice?

Director: Terry Zwigoff
Writer: Glenn Ficarra, John Requa
Production: Dimension Films, Triptych Pictures, The KL Line
Genre: comedy, crime, drama
Year: 2003
MetaScore: 70/100
ImdbRating: 7.0
BoxOffice: $60,060,328
Released: 26 Nov 2003
Awards: Nominated for 1 Golden Globe. Another 1 win & 11 nominations.


78 Clips & Quotes

What do you mean - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
02:57
What do you mean
Get him outta here - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
02:57
Get him outta here
You're an emotional fucking cripple - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:28
You're an emotional fucking cripple
I think I've turned a corner - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:14
I think I've turned a corner
You're shittin' me - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:27
You're shittin' me
What are their names - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:27
What are their names
You can't drink worth shit - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:16
You can't drink worth shit
It won't happen again - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
04:06
It won't happen again
Let me tell you something - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:39
Let me tell you something
I said I am not gay - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:39
I said I am not gay
And shit in the other - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:23
And shit in the other
That's three of us - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
That's three of us
More butt fucking - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
More butt fucking
Why do you need a car - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:58
Why do you need a car
What the fuck are you talking about - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:58
What the fuck are you talking about
You are really Santa - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:25
You are really Santa
You ain't gonna shit right for a week - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:15
You ain't gonna shit right for a week
This is not the DMV - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
This is not the DMV
I've always had a thing for Santa Claus - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:34
I've always had a thing for Santa Claus
In case you didn't notice - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:34
In case you didn't notice
Want me to fix you some sandwiches - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:26
Want me to fix you some sandwiches
What the fuck is it with you and fixin' fuckin' sandwiches - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:26
What the fuck is it with you and fixin' fuckin' sandwiches
Is everything fuckin' sex with you - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:50
Is everything fuckin' sex with you
IF I call you next December - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:50
IF I call you next December
Sweet Jews for Jesus - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
Sweet Jews for Jesus
I hear your buddy's not here to protect you any more - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:27
I hear your buddy's not here to protect you any more
I saw you at another mall - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:34
I saw you at another mall
I just can't help it - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:28
I just can't help it
I'm on my fucking lunch break - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:13
I'm on my fucking lunch break
We split the dough right down the middle - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:34
We split the dough right down the middle
But I got sick and all the hair fell out - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:30
But I got sick and all the hair fell out
It's a Kintnerboy Redoubt - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
02:31
It's a Kintnerboy Redoubt
Should I fix you some sandwiches - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:31
Should I fix you some sandwiches
Fuck the loofah - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:16
Fuck the loofah
I'm not your fucking Da Da - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:12
I'm not your fucking Da Da
Because you got no discipline - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:53
Because you got no discipline
Watch the toenails - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
Watch the toenails
Man is a sexual being - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
Man is a sexual being
Thank you for giving that letter to the cops - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:17
Thank you for giving that letter to the cops
Fucking Santy Claus - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
Fucking Santy Claus
Thank the fuck Christ - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:28
Thank the fuck Christ
Santa have kids - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:28
Santa have kids
What do you want - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
03:31
What do you want
Is that your underwear - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
03:31
Is that your underwear
She said she was 18 - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:20
She said she was 18
You shat me outta your womb - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:20
You shat me outta your womb
Does your daddy have a safe - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:13
Does your daddy have a safe
Your pants are awful baggy - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:29
Your pants are awful baggy
We've been at this for a long time and all - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:36
We've been at this for a long time and all
You shat me out of your womb - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:25
You shat me out of your womb
Shit in the other - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:32
Shit in the other
Apache Junction - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:35
Apache Junction
What the fuck is wrong with you - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:32
What the fuck is wrong with you
What a terrible accident - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:12
What a terrible accident
Look who's here - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:47
Look who's here
How many times I gotta tell you - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:37
How many times I gotta tell you
What the fuck is that - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:29
What the fuck is that
You smell like a bum's nut sack - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:20
You smell like a bum's nut sack
You probably shouldn't be digging in your ass - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:16
You probably shouldn't be digging in your ass
Are you fucking with me - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:12
Are you fucking with me
Let me fix you some sandwiches - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:19
Let me fix you some sandwiches
What the fuck are you doing - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:07
What the fuck are you doing
That's the seven dwarfs - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:59
That's the seven dwarfs
What a darling photo - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:50
What a darling photo
Merry Christmas - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:50
Merry Christmas
You're bringing my present early - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:26
You're bringing my present early
The hell's wrong with you - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:32
The hell's wrong with you
Did you know that - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:41
Did you know that
Bet the store dick don't want this - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:23
Bet the store dick don't want this
I live two streets over on Burningtrail Road - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
02:39
I live two streets over on Burningtrail Road
It's a wooden pickle - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
It's a wooden pickle
Drop the elephant - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:31
Drop the elephant
He's on an adventure - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:10
He's on an adventure
Exploring mountains - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
01:10
Exploring mountains
Jesus Fuckin Christ - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
Jesus Fuckin Christ
Check out this loser - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:28
Check out this loser
It's the retard again - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:11
It's the retard again
Have you seen that new Santa they just hired - screenshot from movie Bad Santa
00:20
Have you seen that new Santa they just hired

Cast

Marcus - Tony Cox
The Kid - Brett Kelly
Lois - Lauren Tom
Bob Chipeska - John Ritter
Hindustani Troublemaker - Ajay Naidu
Milwaukee Mother - Lorna Scott
Milwaukee Boy - Harrison Bieker
Milwaukee Mom with Photo - Alex Borstein
Girl on Santa's Lap - Alexandra Korhan
Milwaukee Bratty Boy - Dylan Charles
Milwaukee Security Guard - Billy Gardell
Milwaukee Bartender - Lisa Ross
Miami Bartender - Bryan Callen
Harrison - Tom McGowan
Big Booty Woman - Grace Calderon
Photo Elf - Christine Pichardo
Nintendo Deer Hunter 3 Boy - Bucky Dominick
Barbie Girl - Georgia Eskew
Fraggle-Stick Boy - Hayden Bromberg
Skateboard Bully - Max Van Ville
Pinball Girl - Briana Norton
Woman in Food Court - Hallie Singleton
Shoplifter - Ryan Pinkston
Pedicurist - Natsuko Ohama
Prison Guard - Dave Adams
Roger Merman - Ethan Phillips
Pokemon Child - Joey Saravia
Watching Boy - Cody Strauch
Watching Boy - Marshall Dvorin
Phoenix Security Guard - Curtis Taylor
Police Chief - John Bunnell
Sergeant - Joe Bucaro III
Kid on Bike - Dylan Cash
Grandma - Cloris Leachman
Herb - Matt Walsh